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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Pain in Recovery
Post Info TOPIC: Pain in Recovery
Toni Baloney


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24 Hours a Day
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Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

Do I have any hard feelings about other group members or for any
other A.A. group? Am I critical of the way a group member thinks or acts? Do I feel that
another group is operating in the wrong way and do I broadcast it? Or do I realize that all
A.A. members, no matter what their limitations, have something to offer, some good,
however little, that they can do for A.A. in spite of their handicaps? Do I believe that
there is a place for all kinds of groups in A.A., provided they are following A.A. traditions,
and that they can be effective even if I do not agree with their procedure? Am I tolerant
of people and groups?

Meditation For The Day

"The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in, from this
time forth and even forever more." All your movements, your goings and comings can be
guided by the Unseen Spirit. Every visit to help another, every unselfish effort to assist,
can be blessed by that Unseen Spirit. There can be a blessing on all you do, on every
interview with one who is suffering. Every meeting of a need may not be a chance
meeting, but it may have been planned by the Unseen Spirit. Led by the Spirit of the
Lord, you can be tolerant, sympathetic, and understanding of others and so accomplish
much.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may be led by the spirit of God. I pray that the Lord will
preserve my goings and my comings.

**********************************************************


When coming into AA, for good, after so so many years of horrible and incomprehensible demoralization, and found finally, when I put my own judgements away, for good, and could feel the Love that was there, and the support for my continued Sobriety,  it was a feeling of Gratitude that I will never ever forget.  God was there as He is in all our Meetings, and the depth of my simple appreciation for being spared an Alcoholic Death, was so crystal clear, that today, if ever, ever, I find that there is some judgement brewing up in me about a meeting or an individual, I simply go back in Prayer to that simple Gratitude, where opinions of others did not exist.  And remember how good that felt.  Simple Gratitude for being Alive, that was what started my own Recovery, and that is where I Pray to God, I can Stay,  every morning in a Humble Gratitude for the same thing, as then, the Gift of being Alive.   So very simple and uncomplicated, and that is how I choose to Pray, thankful to all who are there, and here  in support of each other.  I find that when I can really breath into Gratitude first, everyday, that Gratitude will act as a bigger than life Eraser to any mistakes I may want to make during my day regarding any judgment of another.  No room in a Grateful Heart for a Judgment,  Just Love and Compassion.  I Pray now to begin my Day with this very simple formula.  And ask God to keep me on that simple Path.  Just as in this Prayer, in all my comings and goings.


Humbly,  Toni



 



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beachbaby


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Awesome beautiful sharing  from you!  I printed this and put it the drawer in my desk so I can pull it out and remind myself of the simplicity of this program and how GOD is working in my life every minute, when I am filled with gratitude, I see this. When not,  I am full of self pity and anxious.


Have a great day!



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beachbaby


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Pain in Recovery
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Hello,
Its been a really long time since I have posted here. My sobriety date is 9/6/06,  I work the steps and I have a sponsor. Ill just get right to the point here.  I am in a tremendous amount of pain over a recent breakup with another person in recovery.  Our relationship hasnt been the healthiest, go figure.  I anticipated the demise of the relationship and truthfully, he doesnt have the type of sobriety I want so the rational part of me knows its best for me. However, I am taking this breakup so hard.  I feel lonely, hurt, fear, lack of courage to move forward, want to call him, alot of immature thinking and acting.  I dont want to go to mtgs in this state.  I am embarrassed I would want to be with someone who mistreats me.   I know I am self absorbed, disconnected from my children and my job.  I have been having suicidal thoughts and am grateful there is no gun in my house. The thoughts are coming so often and I just want relief from the pain.
I am not eating or sleeping well. When I wake up in the am, I just want to go back to sleep. 
I have been single a long time, I will be 45 tomorrow and I want to share my sober life with someone.  
 
I have not had thoughts of drinking or drugging. 




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Jerry F


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Aloha BB...and Haole la hanau  (happy birthday)!! 

If I could box it and wrap it and send it to you I would however you don't need a
rescue you need to reclaim yourself.   Attitude!!  Regarding the relationship?
Thank you God for doing for me what I couldnot/wouldnot do for myself.   Yay.
Leaning on sick people for healthy support does not relate.  I have done that one
myself several times and it never worked I always ended up sicker than the person
I was leaning on have had tremendous trouble recovering from it including all of
your symptoms here.   Can you come out of it...of course.  This is no ghost who is
responding to your post.  Today I am happy, joyous and free.   One of the things
I had to do to get here is "Kill my ego, crush my pride"  first thing every morning.
I am only human and will always be human therefore I have to learn this truth and
be able to say it without fear "I screwed up"...and now I'm okay.

Feelings are feelings BB and Thoughts are thoughts...You control them both.  If
anyone told you that you have to be a victim to them you got the wrong scoop.
Feelings and thoughts are part of a recovering program and are choices.  It
sucks screwing up again especially when you could see it coming.  God wouldn't
a miracle of any grade be available...though I don't know about what!!  LOL 
I just wanna have some peace of mind and serenity and happiness and pain free
living!!...don't rely on another drunk going out to get those for you.   Go get them
yourself by yourself and learn how to hold on to them whether there is another
"special" person around or not. 

If you need support stronger than your counselor go get that too!  If you need to
feel sick for awhile announce it, take your leave and then come back.   If you're
not feeling up to snuff say it out loud and go take your medicine along with the
slogan, "This toowill pass"...it always does.

They make warm showers and soap for those times I feel like shit.

(((((hugs))))) smile


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Dave Harm


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Through my own addictive behaviors I've come to believe that alcoholism was/is a secondary illness of mine.  It grew out of my co-dependency of others.

When I dealt with my alcoholism, I was then able to deal with my co-dependent issues.  Painful? Extremely.  Ultimately though it was rewarding.  I learned that I never needed to be lonely.

I may be alone, but I'm never lonely.  And that I owe to AA and the spiritual aspects of the program.

9/6/06? A Labor Day weekend sobriety date ( or in that area)? I too, celebrate my new life during that weekend. 9/4/94 for me.

When I figured out I was a co-dependent I ended up getting a divorce.  And it was the first time I ever truly "felt" pain.  Every other time I'd always run to a bottle.  It might sound strange, but I embraced that pain.  And in a round about way, I cherished it because it proved to me that I was still human.  I could still feel.

In my thoughts and prayers,
Dave

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"A busy mind is a sick mind.  A slow mind, is a healthy mind.  A still mind, is a divine mind." - Native American Centerness

Creating Dreams, from the nightmares of hell...
StPeteDean


MIP Old Timer

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Hello Beachbaby,

I have felt exactly like what you've described many times. In fact exactly that way with many different people.  How could I feel the same about a bunch of different people?  Why wouldn't I feel different about each one?  The answer is.....It has nothing to do with them personally, it's all about me and my issues from my past.  The "breakup"  that many times I caused or told the other person to go away triggered "abandonment issues" that I've been carrying around since I was a kid.  And each time something triggered this the issue got bigger.  We call that "baggage".  The good news is that I don't have to resolve the issue with that other person, only with myself.  And it's as easy as changing my mind about my perception of what's happened.   In order to "Lose"  something, you have to own it first.  We never own anyone, we don't even rent them no.  A relationship  is two people who decide to spend some of their spare time together, for their mutual enjoyment, one day at a time.  Oh God, there's that phrase again! ODAAT.  Yes it applies to relationships too.  We do them one day at a time.  There is no guaranty about tomorrow, either person has the free will to say "it's been real and fun but I want to be somewhere else now..." and we, as independent rational adults should fully expect it to happen.  Most all relationship end.  In fact they all end
eventually.  The trouble is, in our codependent alcoholic state of mind, we try and  make a relationship into a lifetime supply of love and whatever else we can eek out of the relationship (security, financial partnership...) and we plan and we expect and we
get really bent out of shape when it all goes out the window.  If we'd only expect to enjoy one day at a time, we'll never be disappointed.  smile.gif

Dean



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 Gratitude = Happiness!





BGG


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StPeteDean wrote:

Hello Beachbaby,

I have felt exactly like what you've described many times. In fact exactly that way with many different people.  How could I feel the same about a bunch of different people?  Why wouldn't I feel different about each one?  The answer is.....It has nothing to do with them personally, it's all about me and my issues from my past.  

The trouble is, in our codependent alcoholic state of mind, we try and  make a relationship into a lifetime supply of love and whatever else we can eek out of the relationship (security, financial partnership...) and we plan and we expect and we
get really bent out of shape when it all goes out the window.  If we'd only expect to enjoy one day at a time, we'll never be disappointed.  smile.gif

Dean


Dean:  WOW, thank you for sharing this.  I have never thought about my relationships in this way.  You're absolutely right:  How could I have the exact same feelings regardless of who the person was and what caused the breakup? idea.gif


--BGG 



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StPeteDean


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BGG, when you think about it in those terms, it takes the other person right out of the equation. Add to that, the way I'd create my image of that person (putting them on a pedestal) early on in the relationship, in the end I really didn't know them as they didn't match my created image, which confused me further. what a mess it was. What a relief it was to understand the process and be able to disconnect my irrational emotions and work on me.

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 Gratitude = Happiness!





Sobrietyspell


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Welcome back to MIP, Beachbaby. I hope you don't mind my merging your shares with Toni & I hope you don't mind either, Toni! I'm still getting used to the mod tools so wasn't sure how it'd turn out. Both your posts were so supportive & life-affirming. Tis great that you're both back :)

BB, this pain will pass for you. I had a reply typed out & lost it as my comp spontaneously rebooted but my essential message was, go to your meetings & share how you're feeling. You will get the love & morale boost you're needing right now. You also have the phone & you have your steps & prayers. Don't be alone right now. Reach out like you have here & get that help.

Happy 45th Birthday! I hope you feel soothed soon. You will find a love you're ready for one day in the future. For now, concentrate on you & you'll heal again. You're very much loved & though you might not feel it right now, you will again. Tell us how your next meetings go. We're not alone. You're not alone. God bless, Danielle x


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beachbaby


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Thanks to all who replied to my message.  So much sharing just for me, awesome!  smile.gif
Seriously, I am grateful for what my recovery shows me, the good, bad and the ugly. Walking thru fear is something Ive never done in my life but for the first time I see how my fears hold me back. Truly addressing them instead of wishing them away is the next step.

Thanks for the love, hugs and support. ....I hear you in my heart.
Much  love   to all of you.


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lettherebepeace


Newbie

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thank you dean for sharing your insights      i know i will read them again

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StPeteDean


MIP Old Timer

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Hello Lettherebepeace! and welcome to our board. Please start an introductory thread so that you can get a proper welcome from all. smile.gif

Dean

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 Gratitude = Happiness!





Sobrietyspell


MIP Old Timer

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Welcome to MIP, Gretchen. I hope you'll keep coming back & sharing your experience, strength & hope here. You are most very welcome :) Godbless, Danielle x

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