Hello, I'm new here, firstly, my name is Jerry and I'm an alcoholic. I need some opinions please, I attend what I call my home group three or four times a week. There are a couple of people who do not stay on the topic of alcoholism and recovery, I may very well be taking someones inventory? but it frustrates me to no end when they go on and on about issues of their own that are not relavent to AA. I mean from hair dressers to what their husband wears to work. Understand what I mean? I'm open to being corrected.
It's a legitimate complaint. You can find a new meeting, complain in the meeting, attend the group conscience meeting for the group and make it so that the leader reads something that says "please keep your comments to 5 minutes or less and relevant to problems with staying sober" and insist that the leader of the meeting enforce it.
Thanks StPeteDean, I appreciate your input, thing is, the leader does tell everyone to limit the share to 5 minutes and keep the conversation relevant to alcholism. I guess some people just don't listen or they have their own agenda or use us as their therapists.
Welcome to MIP, Jerry. It's great you want to stay on topic. Staying sober, after all, is our primary purpose ;) Love & tolerance is also great practice in meetings & sometimes someone's seeming petty annoyances expressed may be exactly what keeps them sober that day. That aside, it is good that we do our best to carry a message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Happy Sober Day! Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thank you Danielle, you're right, it could very well be what keeps them sober for the day, I didn't look at it that way, thank you for opening my mind and heart. Take care.
Wish we had a 5 min "rule" at my home group...I want to poke my eyes out and shriek sometimes..I will actually attempt to take a nap..you might try that lol.
I know what you mean Dodsworth, sometimes I just want to walk out!! I begin to resent the leader because he doesn't stop them or remind them about the 5 minute rule along with staying on the topic of recovery etc. The two or more people who talk to long or about something else rather than alcoholism have been there a while, I think some people don't want to rock the boat if you know what I mean?
The hell with rocking the boat. This is your sobriety that's at stake here. NO member has any more rights or priveliges than any other or an excuse to bend the rules. If it's bothering you enough to bring it here, then imo, I would suggest that you cut them off in mid rant and say "I'm here to treat my alcoholism and need to hear about the program, the steps etc... and this is not it, please stay on topic and limit your share to 5 min. so that the rest of us can have a turn". I guaranty that if you do that once or twice, it'll put an end to it, and you should see some smiles from the other folks in your group. Geraldo, you should be able to sign up to lead some of these meetings and have meeting about this very topic for 55 minutes. This would also be an excellent opportunity to remind those two what AA meetings are about. It's the oldtimer's opinion that this is the problem with AA today and why it only has a 5% success rate.
Three things that I heard early on, that come into play here: 1.) It's a selfish program 2.) Don't people please, take care of yourself when you need to even if that causes some discomfort to others (refer to rule #1) 3.) It's better to give a resentment that to get one. (again refer to rule #1)
You know StPeteDean, that is why I did leave this group last year, I just couldn't take it. I agree with you 100% and I'll follow your suggestions and rules. Like they say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes" thanks again my friend.
I have heard it said in a meeting that your Higher Power is with you for the first five minutes of your share, after that you're on your own ;) That's a polite way of putting it too lol Goodluck, Geraldo & thanks for your kind words. Keep coming back, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I'll keep coming back Danielle, I'm here on a daily basis so you'll see me on here often. I just want us to all be happy, sober and content, that's my goal. Even though my life right now is a Cross to bear, I must remain sober and not take that first drink.
"...and I have found that acceptance is the solution to all of my problems."
"Aloha my name is Jerry and I am alcoholic exactly like everyone else in these rooms." The best I do with the 5 minute rule is hold myself to it when I do my share. I am not known for being long winded and can be described as having a slow watch. The 5 minute rule is one of the behavior rules I focus on because it leads to the greatest humility of which I never have enough.
Ours is a program of choices and early on I had a sponsor who taught me to choose the consequence I wanted first and then do the choice and behavior to get it. If I didn't want to go thru resentments or anger or aggravation or similar what did I want to go thru? Make the choice to do that and there are tons of choices available. Simplest and most supportive of my recovery is best for me.
One of the most widely attended meetings on the Big Island is one I co-founded 14 years ago. We regularly get 40 or so regular attendees and we want to hear from everyone on their experiences with alcoholism and recovery and we also have a notice system (especially if I am the secretary and that is not my position). Here is what is said and done. "If your share goes beyond 3 minutes the secretary will hold this watch up above the table to notify you to cut yourself short. Don't take it personal. Turn it over to someone else." There are some variations to that and essentially its the same.
(Of course you can still leave the meeting with the heartburn also.)
Borrow that if you like or make up another supportive guideline. In time we all come to behave. LOL
Keep coming back Jerry....er Jerry
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 14th of April 2009 06:36:22 PM
Hi Jerry F, I assume you live in Hawaii? which Island? I understand that all meetings for the most part are different in many ways as we as people and alcoholics are different too. I would change meeting locations but this place is where one of my best friends attends.
Yes I'm on the Big Island of Hawaii in full view and protection of Mauna Kea (mountain) and "AA at the Bay" is the meeting I call home. It has a Saturday and a Sunday meeting time and both are packed. One of the reasons our meetings appear "different" is because of the deep cultural spiritual aspect which comes from the Hawaiian culture. That experience is a shared experience by native and visitor alike. I am also a member of the Al-Anon Family Groups and was an alcohol free member for 9 years before entering my first on purpose AA meeting.
Forever Grateful. Keep coming back. The most important meeting in your recovery is the one you are at.
Just a PS...I got into recovery in Fresno CA.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 14th of April 2009 07:11:39 PM
I have heard it said in a meeting that your Higher Power is with you for the first five minutes of your share, after that you're on your own ;) That's a polite way of putting it too lol Goodluck, Geraldo & thanks for your kind words. Keep coming back, Danielle x
This would also be an excellent opportunity to remind those two what AA meetings are about. It's the oldtimer's opinion that this is the problem with AA today and why it only has a 5% success rate.