Recent comments have reminded me of me quite a few years ago... the high handed approach...pretending I had it all sussed, with a few wobbly months under my belt that I insisted warranted my use of the word "recovery".... Prattling on with crap, but not prepared to go the hard yards and actually DO what I was repeating. Crediting God, or using him as an excuse for man made responsibilities is a cop out.
Someone suggested it was time I got the hell out of my own self righteous narrowminded perspective and started working with others....have a good look at the nature of my own disease...the disease I share with many...face the reality of my own narrowminded contribution, and how easy it is to tilt a struggling alkie. Because each of us are fragile beings, no matter how we like to pretend otherwise. Strength is granted in line with resilience.
Visiting some rehabs with fresh eyes, the ER, psychwards, and a few funeral parlours might help those who wish to pass judgement on their brother. They certainly helped me value the support of others, and see the difference our own constructive contribution makes.
You want to knock your brother down? You think he needs his face rubbed in the dirt? Needs to learn some stuff???
....Ya gotta be prepared to go down with him and help him back up...and if you're not prepared to do that, it might be better to not knock him down in the first place. After all, you are responsible for your actions today, aren't you? Nothing will sit you on your butt quicker than shrugging at a bloke, and walking away thinking, "Oh I don't have time for his negative stuff"...only to attend his funeral the following week. I say that from experience, and I wouldn't wish that experience on another.
No-one dances into AA. We learn to dance. We start by practicing on our own and then we find it lots more fun dancing with others. We still dance our own quirky little unique dances, but we slowly work in new moves, try others ideas, stop and start, decide dancing sucks sometimes, or we're tired of dancing and just want to watch for a bit...but still we find ourselves dancing, and it doesn't matter if folks want to waltz, or can-can, or breakdance or two step...we can face the music. There is always someone in AA that will take the lead, or change the record or remind us that even if we have never danced a day in our life, we are free to shake our butts at the world and rock on.
Still trying to break dance here, but I keep breaking stuff.
Now, I know why they call it a break dance. hehehe
Then I try to do the twist, and keep ceasing up. I carry an oil can in my back pocket.
Its something like the two brain cells I have left. Some days I think theres more.:)
Then one can compare all that to riding a Harley. Used to go into the wind at 150 miles an hour. Today the chains a bit loose, so I drive it in neutral.
Thinkl Ile just stick to the AA train, and enjoy the ride in the caboose.:)
I think Stans starting to rub off on me. I need help!! hahaha
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Nic,,, I really appreciate your criticism, pointing out the wrong doing of other people in hopes that the other people will learn from that and learn better behavior with a different perspecitive. It could be the same spirit with which comments were made about Stan's negativity. We can all benefit from reading your post,,, and you might read it again, pretending someone else wrote it, and also substituting the person(s) you are referring to where it says that Stan is the person referred to. :winks: Love the sinner and not the sin, right? Then again,,, if everything is alright and everything everybody does is alright,,, then it is alright and there is nothing wrong at all anywhere.
oh! the imagery of dancing! One time I was prayed over by some people for an infilling of the Holy Spirit. Because of 'old tapes' I had a lot of problems with the words 'obedience' and 'surrender' to God as Father. So I asked God,, "okay,,, what do You want? a puppet on a string? a mindless robot? What? " and I heard, "Dance with me". And all that you said about the dance is wonderful. I am learning how to dance, and am still clumsy, still nervous. But progress is being made. Thank you for that image and those ideas about it.
love in recovery,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 09:21, 2005-04-16
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Stan...I consider you a wonderful teacher. Amidst the dry wit and humour tinged sarcasm, the patience and generosity, there is a person I have always related to. I like the way you question to learn, and don't hesitate to share your "outside the square" ideas, struggles or life as you live it. I also like being part of your journey...an international AA I may be.. but we are each AA's never-the-less. I consider you an intelligent person and as evidenced in your last post, I fully believe you have what it takes to live the life you want to be living.
My Grandad was a wise man. I never realised how wise until it was time to prepare his formal farewell. He spoke in quiet one liners much like you do. He told me humility is the only key that opens the door to spirituality. You have that. Once again you have shared it. Whether you choose to open the door or simply hold onto the key as a means of making life here on earth easier and more manageable is entirely up to you. In the meantime, do us all a favour and keep sharing mate. There is still so much to learn and we cannot learn sitting in our own little boxes.
Grandad also told me lots of folk bang on the door and try poking at the lock with keys marked religion. These folks, he said, spend their lives thinking it all happens on the other side...
Stan,,, I am not aware that you have offended anyone,, certainly not me. Your opinions are your opinions, and we are all learning and growing. I do think that your negativity is a cause of your own misery, and I say that to encourage recovery in that, and not to negatively put you down. My parents were both very negative, constantly, and I grew up to be constantly negative also and have and am working very very hard to develop 'an attitude of gratitude' and find that I am much happier. That is sharing my experience, strength and hope.
I am glad that Nic sees good in her grandfather, and in you, and understand better now why she is behaving the way she is. Nic, your opinions and perspectives are welcome. I am also, in recovery, coming to understand my parents better, and to have compassion and see good. It remains though that their negativity was a big problem and it resulted in misery and depression and never being satisfied with anything or anyone.
Me,,, I am sure not perfect,, and probably need more recovery than any of you,,, and I am working on it. Thank you all for your compassion, understanding and patience with me, as I make progress. The program works when we work it,, and I am working it,,, making progress, but not being perfect either.
God bless you all (my beliefs are not the same as what you described, Nic,,, and it is good to remember that each person is a distinct individual and not 'just like' anybody else).
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
