First 24 hours

CAM72 · Member

My Story

hills alive · Veteran Member

gday cam72,your not describing anything about your self thats unusual from heavy drinking there are many short stories on the disastrous effects of it as you state for yourself.
so mate look at it this way you know what you have to do, leave the poor me symdrom, and the pity party behind and go back to your home group if its near by or go back to a meeting, the best people on this planet for you are AA members and there kindness otherwise i would not be on this site writing this would i.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Cam, You remind me of me. I had gotten sober for four years until last year around March of 07. I was so strong no matter what and serene even being with a very abusive man. After I started drinking and as the year went by I would wonder where the hec my strength had gone and why I was not feeling like I had before.

Of course my denial did not allow me to see it was the booze that had zapped my strength and was in the way of me feeling all I worked for in sobriety.

I had memories of me standing in the mirror in the bathroom feeling so strong and looking so healthy with my hair done and my nails all tanned and even my walk was strong. And I could not get back to that.

This past 11 days I put down the booze and came on here to get sober. I now can plainly see where I went........ into the bottle!!

It is as simple as that to get myself back. Get out of the bottle!!!

I also was spending hundreds of dollars into a few thousand drinking because I would do things financially that I would and in 11 days now am not doing. I hated to have a hangover with a messy house, hundreds spent, and feeling like crap not making appointments or being there for my loved ones.

I just lost all hope. And I was so scared that "what if something happens to a loved one and I am in a black out and cannot be there for them?"

And I felt I did not want to die the way I was living. This all scared me and I had just bought my home June 30 of this year and felt I will lose it if I do not stop spending money.

I am so ready to be done drinking and so ready to live differently in all ways. The abuser is gone and that is freeing and now the booze. So now I feel hope.

God bless you dear soul. I can see you so well in what you describe and it is no way to live and you deserve so much more. Rosie

-- Edited by Rosie at 10:13, 2008-08-23

-- Edited by Rosie at 10:14, 2008-08-23

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

*I haven't remembered those days I missed work, got sick or ruined a relationship. The time, energy and money I have lost. I remember the days I felt social, happy, was ego and 'God in a bottle(!)' and it was fun. At what point do I tell myself it's all fine? When I lose my job and have no home will I still tell myself it's all fine?*

Welcome to MIP, Cam. Thankyou for sharing the inside of your heart & fears today. There is so much hope to be had for the honesty you're facing yourself with now. All your words are admitting the truth to yourself & with us as your witnesses. You know deep down AA is there for you & has what you're looking for. You also have so much to share with your story too. Getting to your next meeting will give many others hope also that if you can do it so can they. You don't have to lose anything more. You've suffered enough & though it will take time, you'll have tonnes of support & you won't have to do any of this alone. Not only can you enjoy an immense comeback, you can also enjoy the process. I know you know it will be hard but the joys you'll regain will make it so worth it. Don't give up. You know you're worth it. Let go of your dispair & take those first steps back to self respect. 36 is a fantastic age to get well again. God bless you. I hope you can share soon & tell us how your 'first' meeting went, Daniella x

CAM72 · Member

Thanks for the support. I'm sober on Friday night for a first in a long time! I went to a meeting and to be honest I didn't talk much and tried not to be noticed. I feel fragile right now and can barely talk about the self loathing without my voice cracking and waterworks.

I did get phone numbers and will make it back tomorrow. I bought a recovery and joined this forum. I have realized I have no time for a job, home or relationship if I cannot be well so I need to find the time.

Today may have been the hardest step of them all. (Though I do worry about physical withdrawals like insomnia and shakes). However long I stay sober life can only get better since I have been painfully honest with myself. I am only human.

Rosie · Senior Member

Hi Cam, If you go back and read some of the posts from the last two weeks you will see people who have gone through withdrawals also, one being me. I am 12 days sober and I was sick until a couple of days ago. And I still feel a bit peaked due to my body still adjusting.

It is hard to with draw and now that I am over the worst of it I see that I needed to feel all that pain to get my attention that I need to stop the madness.

Pain is a bitter potion that heal the sick self. Hard but true.

I admire you that as you withdraw you are still getting out and taking action toward sobriety. You are worth it and easy does. Eat well, drink plenty of water and be careful of coffee and pills to help you through. They only add to the problems of feeling totally well.

Take care Rosie

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Cam,

It's good to 'meet' you. Welcome to MIP.

You sound just like I did when I started with AA. I'm so glad that you're going back to meetings. Meetings are my life-line and I know that I couldn't stay sober without them.

Life really will get better beyond anything you could imagine.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? We're all here for you.

Take care,

Carol

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Step 1, Hun. You've taken it..... I hope you'll take the other 11, also. You're soooo worth it.

(((Hugs)))

Returned_Here · Veteran Member

Cam, do youself a favor...whether you pick up again or not, (and I hope you don't), keep going to meetings.

I hope you are able to stay in the meetings and that you find a few people to hang out with a bit to talk and to help support you.

Drinking doesn't make anything better. It numbs, but the problems are still there. It makes things seem happier for a while, but when the light is really on, it was just an illusion.

Sober and clean, you probably remember a whole LOT of good days, with no hangovers, no regrets, no new drunken delimmas to have to deal with. It can be that way again....and maybe this time even better.

Pray for your HP's help to keep you sober each day and thank your HP each night for helping you.

Know you are loved & thought of...keep sharing here. We're here for you.

Love & Hugs,
Stephanie

CAM72 · Member

First 24 hours

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

:79: Cam!! and Great Job!!

Hang in there!!!!

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Good for you........It has been said if we can/could find time to drink, we can certainly find time for meetings. Just replace the drink with a meeting. Pick a sponsor, the sooner the better.

And btw: there are two parts to Step 1 - a sponsor can help you through this.

Don't drink, just for today. As you've seen the world didn't end. It will only get better the longer you stay sober.

Glad you're here

(((hugs)))

Jen

Dakota · Senior Member

It is just a day at a time. Still.

I hope you feel better.
Be good to yourself.

Rest becomes more restful, family becomes more fulfilling, work becomes more purposeful and You will become happy.

: )

-- Edited by Dakota on Sunday 22nd of March 2009 07:23:31 AM

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Dakota wrote:

.

I hope you feel better and then stay that way for as long as possible, then if you fall, you can still stop again.

I have to respond to this by stating a FACT - there Are no GUARANTEES that once we fall we'll make it back. So why take the chance.......It's much easier to stay sober than to get sober.

One of best things my sponsor has ever said to me,

"You may choose to drink again, but you never HAVE to."

-- Edited by Doll on Saturday 21st of March 2009 08:23:21 PM

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Just in my short time in AA, I've watch this type of thinking kill. I also believe it's a form of denial. "It will never happen to me."

When I say, Welcome 'back"____, I'm glad you were able to make it back." I'm sharing how deadly drinking for an alcoholic can be.

I too have a choice today. And today, I choose sobriety. Grace of God.

Dakota · Senior Member

I hear what you are saying. Addictions are deadly, and we don't need to play Russian Roulette with them....

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

CAM72 wrote:

I'm going to AA. But I will be honest I am not sure how some people center their whole universe around it. It's like people have no jobs or families to interfere with going every day, and many of the daily attendees do not have demanding jobs or families. I have 30 different people wanting to sponser me and I can only afford so much time away from my home and job responsibilities. While it sounds like an excuse it is a fact I can't just leave the office during overtime because my meeting is starting or skip an important family event that depends on me being there.

Cam72, welcome and good luck in your new journey. Most of us felt just like you, when we walked into AA. We looked at "those people" and wondered why they were so committed to the program. Soon you will realize why. What you're saying, whether you realize it or not, is that you're not as sick as those people must be, and you're so successful in the other areas of your life, that surely you must be able to lick this without a full blown commitment. Good luck with that and please let us know how it works out for you

. It didn't work for me, when I was a single parent and running my own business (which I still have 20 years later). I too thought that I was way to busy to go to a meeting a day. Funny though I had several hours a day to drink (wasn't a morning, noon or closet drinker). How was that possible?

This is a primary disease that kills people. Drunks usually get motivated when they realize that it's going to kill them, not just because it's a pesky and embarssing little problem. It kills people in a thousand different ways (organ failure, accidents, suicide, murder...) that no statistics can actually track, but if it were possible, it would likely be the leading cause of death other than natural causes.

If you were to come down with cancer (or kidney failure) and the doctor told you that you needed daily treatment for an hour each day, you'd not be making excuses about why you can't make daily meetings and use a sponsor. Sorry to be a bit snarky here, but your logic kept me drunk for 2 additional years which I'd like to have back, and I was one of the lucky ones that made it back. At this rate, if you write off the meetings and try and do this on your own, and you fail, you might not try AA again. Only 1 out 20 get sober. Do you feel lucky?

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 22nd of March 2009 08:39:44 AM

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome back, Cam. I've merged your Story all in one so you can see where you've been & where you are today. Some hardhitting messages for you here & though I'm usually softly, softly loving in encouragement I would also like to support what has been said here. I'm glad to be well away from my last drink & no longer in debate about how much I'm willing to compromise about it. I know when I've had any reservations about how much I'm willing to commit to staying well & keeping off that 1st drink 1Day@aTime all it has been is the obsession in my head not being able to bear the thought of not taking another drink for the rest of my life. My disease can't stand & hates that thought!

I can see you're committed to your work & feel keenly your obligations there but I have to say that for me, not making any major decisions in the first two years & putting my recovery first above all else was exactly the right thing to do. It's only my fear & lack of self love that has & would stop me from putting my spiritual, physical & mental health first. I can also say that after two years commitment I now have a fantastic foundation to build the rest of my life on. It's so much well worth the investment. Two years sounds like a long time but I'm sure you can see that it's not & that it will give you a new quality of life you've only dreamed of before. It's important for me to remember that this disease is progressive & that I may not be so lucky as to come back after a relapse. Even the knowing that a drunken fall could kill me if the physical side doesn't eventually get me.

I'm 32 & truly pleased that sobriety came sooner for me rather than later. If you're like me you'll also realise that not only do you need A.A. so much more than you could initially realise but that, in time, you'll also realise that there is so much more on offer here than simply staying sober & that fellowship & meetings will not be a chore but a fantastic pleasure. I've never felt so wanted, needed & loved in all my life & the beauty of it is is that I have the opportunity to return it all in gratitude. I know many people in the fellowship that have very busy & fulfilling lives yet still have the humility to say thankyou to A.A. for giving them the ability to live these lives alcoholfree & have their very souls back. I know I certainly would not have this if I'd have stayed out there drinking thinking there's got to be more to life than this?? Alcohol was taking everything away from me one thing at a time.

Well done in coming back here & sharing where you are. I'm glad you're here, Cam & I want nothing more for you than your success & everything you dream for yourself. I'd often dreamed of a life of sobriety in my younger life & now I know I would never have achieved it without A.A. & our lives slip so quickly away. Keep coming back & stay strong in your desire not to take that first drink. For me my desire not to drink was such a wonderful Higher Power in the beginning & I learned & knew I couldn't do it alone. Today I'm glad I don't have to :)

I love this ~ "I plan to be involved as much as I can. To make it a priority over any relationship and to do it for me. To take an hour every day to read the big book and reach out to others when I can't make that meeting. I wanted to say thanks for this forum. One day at a time and if I fail I will try and try again for sucess." ~ CAM72

Keep on coming back. God bless & love in recovery, Danielle x

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hi Cam
Glad to see you posting and as the others have said..it does get better...
Anything we do in life...we get what we put in to it! For me it means daily meetings even when I dont want to!!! I for one cant do this alone!!
Prayers up for you!!!

OHAAT · Member

Hi Cam,
I'm so glad you are on this forum. I completely understand the thinking you have with the meetings, I felt the same, but quickly learned that if I really really wanted this sobriety thing I had better put it first in my life. I'm only sober this time about 2 and a half months. I have four children who need me ALL the time and a disease that is not alcoholism for which I'm undergoing chemotherapy at this time. I spend alot of time in hospitals, so feel very guilty even if I happen to feel well enough to leave my family to go to a meeting. Even so, if I'm to live, I have to prioritize. Meetings and treating my primary disease (alcoholism) must come first. This other disease may or may not go into remission, but alcoholism will always be with me. I can't bear the thought of making it thru this chemo treatment only to have my children lose me anyway to alcohol. The wonderful people who have encouraged and supported me in meetings and on this forum are a miracle in my life. When I can't make it to a meeting they physically bring one to me. It is the anchor in what feels like a very nasty storm at times. I loved what Danielle said about losing your soul I was but an empty shell. Despite everything that is difficult today, I am slowly filling back up. My only fear is that I will not ever be able to repay such kindness from AA even if I live to be 100. Please don't sell yourself short. If you are like me you try like mad to do your best in every area of your life. Now is the time to give yourself the life you so deserve and put that energy into you.
Sending Hugs,
Karin

CAM72 · Member

Thank you for all the wonderful posts. I know I have taken step one- Admitting my life is unmanageable. And Step 2- Believing a higher power can restore me to sanity. Now I am practicing step 3- The willingless to turn my life over to god.

I realized to I need to shop for the AA group that I feel most at home. I have only explored one group down the street from me which is open book and in my shoes I need to look at beginners groups too.

I've had some of the most challenging events in my life the past few months. It has been a setback but as people have said try and try again:) I guess many of us are lead to the disease because of the way we cope with those trying times.

On the bright side this is the longest I have admitted to myself I have a problem and not gone back to "nah, just a big drinker, you're fine" Ya right.....lol!

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hey Cam!!

When you come back start a new post. That way it will be on the first page!!!

Keep It Simple