Ok..so I'm headed down to a statewide AA conference today in Miami. The fellowship has been gearing up for this for months and all the fundraisers that went on had proceeds going to this. Not sure what it will be like, but I'm about to find out. Will report back (anonymously of course lol).
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It's the round up Dean. Unless you want to add a bit more to your step 1 and admit powerlessness over your attraction to other men, it might not be the perfect place for you...However, if you ever have a gay sponsee...now you know where to tell them to go next march. Went to a meditation workshop and a self-esteem one. What a surprise, pretty much all other alcoholics seem to struggle with self-esteem issues. I guess that's why my sponsor got me that pin that says "Reality, what a concept!" I also did welcome service so now I feel trained to be a doorman, plus I got a badass t-shirt that says "host" on it. Could be interpreted some fun ways in the gay community I guess. The welcome service was fun though cuz I was working with one of the other 2 guys in the fellowship that has my exact sobriety date. Those 2 guys are one of many reasons to stay sober. They know I keep better track of the day count since they moved on to counting months. I just kept saying 170 to them yesterday. 171 today and it should be another interesting day in sobriety.
__________________ Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 21st of March 2009 05:23:43 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Crazy day. Emotionally draining. Partially painful. Extremely rewarding all at once. Got 1 workshop in on the subject of intimacy which was useful in terms of me realizing even more that I constantly say yes to things when I really want to say no. Sold raffle tickets which took me completely out of my comfort zone and forced me to go up to people I did not know, test my social skills in a way I never have done before. Got some great feedback from people I know with like decades of sobriety about how much change they have seen in me in just 6 months (which felt weird because of course I don't see it unless I really take a step back to look at where I was). Capped of with a powerful meeting at the end of the night with 1000 people. A countdown where everyone is standing at the start and people sit down based on their sobriety time...Hence, I'm in the first batch to sit down (but definitely not the first) and this goes on for quite some time until 2 people are left standing both with 43 years of sobriety. The person with 43 years presents the person with the least amount of time with a big book. It was amazing the way everyone was clapping and cheering for each other. I hope all this is not busting any anonymity and I'm only sharing it so maybe someone else new like me can have something to look forward to. It did bring about some social anxiety in the moments when nobody was talking to me and I felt like I was at my first meeting again... I had to remember I wasn't at a newcomer's meeting and most of the other people there have been doing this for years, have known each other for years and enjoy friendships with each other that go way way back. It was overwhelming at times, but good to walk through those feelings I think.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"It's the round up Dean. Unless you want to add a bit more to your step 1 and admit powerlessness over your attraction to other men, it might not be the perfect place for you...However, if you ever have a gay sponsee...now you know where to tell them to go next march."
My first and greatest sponsor was gay, and I also had a gay sponsee. I learned a lot from both. My sponsor was retired from 20 years of working at the pentagon as a psychologist. That must have been interesting.
Sounds like a great conference pinkchip. btw, I errantly hit edit instead of quote on your post. there was no edit.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 21st of March 2009 05:25:04 AM
Sometimes I forget that people are open minded and accepting like you seem to be Dean. I often automatically assume people are going to have negative reactions to knowing I am gay and sometimes when I share it with straight people it is with a "You don't accept it? Well then fuck off" attitude because it protects me from feeling judged or vulnerable. The gay community is plagued by drugs and alcohol. Part of the trap seems to be that you come out into gay bars 90 percent of the time and if you have any leanings towards alcoholism... Not to mention that there is a lot of residue left from feeling ostracized by family, friends, society... I am now going to at least 1 regular non/gay AA meeting a week and am finding that recovering alcoholics seem to be very accepting. I am now more of the mindset that fellow alcoholics are more sensitive to this because of their knowledge, experiences, and also the general caring and nonjudgmental quality that is bred into AA.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I would give, at least fellow AAs, the benefit of the doubt as far as acceptance of you pinkchip. When I came into the rooms I had a chip on each shoulder. I took a lot of tumbles growing up as basically an only child, living with only a drunk mother who was either an embarrassment or passed out. I look back and clearly see now that I perpetuated most of the situations that I got myself into because I assumed that people weren't going to like me. The big book and 12 & 12 talk about how ego centric thinking does that (ego maniac with low self esteem). Even today I have to tell my head to shut up when I'm out in a crowd of people that I don't know. It's strange, like this urge to judge them before they can judge me, perhaps to discount, my perception, of their inevitable contempt for me. It's crazy stuff, but it's just the old tapes rolling and I have to be conscious to turn it off, get back into "the now" and focus on sending out feelings of love and being open to receive the same.
