Speaking of "therapist, heal thyself"- I went on chemistry.com and met a really nice man- me, at 55 years old, had finally given up...but a few weeks ago I had a moment of inspiration, and did it. How lucky am I? But as you all know, relationships are scarey. And sadly, I am among the millions who find availabilty deeply threatening, all the while feeling terminally unique.
The relationships I've had, have all been with very nice and creative men, but...committment phobic or unavailable. So now what?
I need the strength to come out of my shell, not worry about the outcome...and see what may be without either making too much or too little of it. feh. BG
Goodluck in your courage & exploration. I hope you have a well working program & strong connection with your HP as these are the tools that will help you stay strong & sane in your dealings with the scary prospect of becoming close in trust & commitment with a worthy partner. You deserve healthy love & I hope you'll take good care of yourself while you get to know another in this way. Relationships are the most challenging experiences for us but it is possible we can conduct ourselves well within them as we stay sober, clean house & help others. I'm glad I have such valuable & close friendships with sober women in my life who I can check out my thinking with on a daily basis. Goodluck in your ventures, Beach Girl. You deserve respect & to be treated well so I hope this Gift will come to you. Keep on taking care of yourself & putting your sobriety first & I am sure you'll do great. Godbless, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Beachgirl: All I know is if you don't make an effort you'll never know what would have happened if you had made an effort. The hardest thing is for me to be me. It's scary being VULNERABLE without all my addictive props (atittudes). Keep going to your meetings and keep sharing with not just your sponsor but maybe a couple of other people you trust. I believe I'm in a state of restoration. To what??? Well, to me, that's the trip if I use the tools. God Bless.
We must allow others their levels of commitment and time tables. I stopped looking for someone that I couldn't live without and started looking for the ones that I could live with. Chemistry is not part of that equation, at first. My wife and I nearly overlooked each other because of that. What I saw in her were outstanding personal qualities, impeccable behavior, a well earned independence, sound financial practices, and no baggage. We became best friends and committed love came years later. Now it's a story book romance, 16 years without even an argument. There is nothing about her that I would change, and the reason why is because I didn't settle for her (because of chemistry) to begin with, I chose her for who she is and how she conducts herself. No one likes this when I say it, but it's better to learn to love someone that's got what you want (not materially), then to fall in love with someone that doesn't and try to work with it.
thanks for your comments...I have 2 things in my favor: 1. no wine induced passion 2. a sense of hope rather than imperative. Dean, you are so right about the chemistry thing. I am taking it slow and having fun. My HP is sobriety itself...BG
It is so nice to see you posting....And feeling good about life and perhaps trusting someone new in your life! You have the tools and you know what is best for you! Good luck in the search!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
