Have you ever been around people-pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety- producing.
People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self-trust.
People-pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying is, "I hope I'm pleasing you." Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.
Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But, people-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.
Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I've got this personality defect in spades. When they started saying how most alcoholics were selfish and had big egos I was like WTF? That is not me....all I do is try and help others. I forgot that in much of the rest of my life I was being selfish and demanding and wanting others to respond back by taking care of me.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
This is a great reminder and eye opening for me. I was/can still be a people pleaser. Not sure how I developed it, but have this defect.
I spent so much time trying to please my wife and kids and expecting them to make me feel better by appreciating what I did for them and give me the love and attention I was seeking. But really all I did is set myself up for disappointment and very rarely got what I was looking for. I didn't focus on myself and paid the emotional price.
Thank god for this program! I'm now learning about my character defects and with gods help and this program recovering little by little one day at a time.
This is a tricky one. Lots of times we do just want to please, but we do need to take a step back and actually think before we speak or act and validate to the self if this behavior is honest and true to the self.
Part of maturing needs to be learning about those things we really dont want and really shouldn't want to do. Learning about boundaries and what you really value in your life (and what you need to discard!)
It is kind of an opposite to the inflated ego, but could be a guise for the same~ Getting kicks by being the "yes" man. When we really are just cheating ourselves...and possibly others (by being dishonest).
Life is a learning experience from the beginning!
When I hear this thought:
"...people-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves."
for some reason I think of Cesar Milan and dog training. Being in the present , in the now, Being observational, and being relaxed - (apparently makes for a better dog owner too, lol...
I was/can still be a people pleaser. Not sure how I developed it, but have this defect. 
