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Post Info TOPIC: Wisdom of the Rooms
Jane05


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Wisdom of the Rooms
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Wisdom of the Rooms
February 16, 2009

Quote of the Week

"Relationship: Real Exciting Love Affair Turns Insanely Obsessive, Now Sobriety Hangs In Peril."

Someone once said that getting into a relationship in early recovery is like throwing miracle grow on your character defects. The danger comes from not having developed a relationship and reliance on a Higher Power, so the other person quickly becomes one. Because people aren't perfect, this total reliance almost always ends in frustration and hurt feelings.

The other problem comes from our self-obsessive natures. Self-centered in the extreme and new to recovery, we obsessively use the other person to fill the tremendous void we still feel. We soon find, however, that our self-seeking continues to get us nowhere, and before long we stand at the precipice and our nascent sobriety is in danger.

Over time we come to understand the importance of developing and relying on a proper relationship with God. We learn to turn our character defects over to Him, and to give of ourselves unselfishly knowing that our true purpose is to be of service. Once we are on this right footing all our relationships flow smoothly, and we finally experience the peace and serenity we had always sought.


Reprinted with permission

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Rob84


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Really good!

Thanks Jane

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Rob

"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Tomas


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My mother often old me as a child that I had to learn everything the hard way..and she was 100% correct.

They told me in AA don't drink no matter what... Got involved with a gal who had 3 months of shakey sobriety... I had 6...after a long passionate weekend..she wound up getting drunk...I just barely stayed sober....Her sponsor even approved of the date... but it got out of hand.

After a year and a half...another place...another gal in the program...I just made it through after she dumped ME...I felt so sorry for MYSELF.

So what's the point.."If you are going to play....You are definately going to pay. But it made me that much stronger...to survive life's relationship challenges...and there were several more

I certainly earned my degree in spirituality from the school of hard knocks...staying sober of course.

-- Edited by Tomas at 12:59, 2009-02-17

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StPeteDean


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luckily I stayed single the first 3.5 years of sobriety, knowing that I had had to let go of a marriage to get sober, I wasn't in a hurry to get entangled again smile.gif

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Sobrietyspell


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Thank God for this sanity inducing anacronym. It's hitting home for me Today. I can sometimes be unashamedly & openly crazy about my feelings for my partner. They're such an enjoyable yet scary part of my relationship with him. Of course, I simply appreciate how we get on, how we can talk, how our intimacy is & how much I'm grateful & hopeful that our love continues 1Day@aTime into a beautiful future of union, shared life & happiness. I am glad it is possible to be with another human being as a human being & that it seems to be an amazing possibility & natural progression of the human condition.

What I have to be watchful for & why I'm glad I waited in early recovery before becoming involved with anyone is that I don't put this man or my feelings for him in front of how important my Higher Power is for me. If I don't keep nurturing my love for my Higher Power I will have no resource if the worst happens & I find myself hurt or heartbroken. Anything could happen. He could be taken from me by death or injury. He could change & choose another. We could grow apart or my obsession to drink could return & have me lose everything I've worked so hard to keep. The list could increase ad infinitum!

Simply, I want to stay sane & have everything kept in proportion. To be able to enjoy him as my partner Today but ultimately that I am my own person before, during & hereafter no matter what. That God as I understand it is first in my life & that I cannot depend upon anyone else for what I can ask for myself in prayer & put the effort into working for. That everything he gives to me is extra to the love I'm doing my damnedest to learn & exercise how to have for myself & others.

I do gain so much from being with him. That's undeniable but I must recognise that I can equally live without it & still be able to function as a whole human being. It's funny that in this paradox of allowing someone close & to share of myself & my life with him I also have to try & be self sufficient or rather 'God' sufficient all at the same time but inside this sometimes feels like another way of keeping someone away from me so that they're not ever too close. I know this isn't true really & that it is all about a balance.

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a certain inevitablity of becoming dependent in our relationshaips due to our very human natures. It can be a confusing thing but that's what I'm grateful to AA & my program for as it helps me to cope with, understand & deal with these inevitabilities so that I can keep on growing in spite of my fallibilities. We are precious, delicate & fragile yet so very strong & powerful which is all good as long as I keep in perspective there is one so much more powerful than all of this & that I can depend upon it at all times when I remember & surrender.

Thank you all for being here with this inspiration & space to share. I'm glad I don't have to do any of this alone & that I can be here for others also. I love my relationship with Carl. It is a gift of my recovery & I continue to remember that it is thanks to my sobriety that I even have it. This is not how it was when I was drinking. Thanks for listening & helping me to accept what's inside me & how to express it safely too. God bless, Danielle x

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