I just wanted to check in . I was sober for 5 days and things were going better at home. I felt more in control .I felt proud of myself and I still ended up having a drink. I just dont know how to resist. It is so easy to have a drink. It was an innocent one drink at home but you know what- my "stinking thinking" was back this morning.( I remember that quote from my Dads AA days) First thing I did this morning was give my wonderful husband a hard time and resented him for going to work- thinking he wanted to be there rather than with me. My thinking doesn't even make sense does it? I didn't care about the facts, I just had to feel like the victim - why do I do that? Do you think it is because I had a drink last night? I mean I wasn't under the influence this morning? I really do want to rather refuse a drink next time- I am going to remember how small and insignificant I feel when I do drink again. I want to feel like I can stand tall and be content with my choice to not drink. I try to let go and hand over to god but it is like the little monkey on my back just keeps on nagging at me to just have that one drink and I listen to the monkey instead of my higher power. Any support would be appreciated
We have seen the truth again and again: Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic....If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol...To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Big Book pg 33
Hi Suzy,
Glad you're back. From what I've always been told, it's the first drink that starts the cycle all over again. You don't' have to do this alone, call AA. They will help you.
I know that I couldnt keep booze in the house. The temptation was too great. That compulsion to drink takes a number of days to ease off.
I will share that meetings, meetings, and more meetings were the only thing that kept me sober when I was first new. Getting a sponsor was a big one also. Someone I could call-at anytime, just to let it out. Drove him nuts. :) And as has been said--You are not alone. Its all a WE thing, together.
Insanity was another big word I didnt like, but today I can look back nd realize that "Yup" I was sure off key. :)
Just for today, I will not pick up a drink, no matter what. Onward we go.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Do you think it is because I had a drink last night?
Well, in my case, I knew I had things about myself I wanted to change but I found that I simply could not change until I put down the drink once and for all. I mean not even one drink. One drink just seemed to impede any attempts at change, no matter how sincere. The change for me started with avoiding that first drink.
It takes time and it hasn't always been easy but by not picking up that first drink and then listening to how other folks had used AA to get through things I finally became able to change. Very slowly but surely. That's just how it was for me.
Well,, for me.... I remember that they say that drinking is a symptom..... there are reasons for the symptoms,,, the root of the thing. It is not just the drink,, but the drink sure is part of it. It is the stinking thinking that preceded the drink, and followed the drink, and accompanied the drink. Not drinking is very important,,, but so is a change in our thinking patterns.. What was I thinking? We think that drinking somehow is a good coping skill! Now that is insanity. Step 2 - came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. We need to become sane while we are not drinking.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hi Amanda, I agree. But it seems I couldn't start to address the root of the problem until I stopped drinking. I tried therapy and plenty of self-help stuff.
When I reached a point where change was imminent and things got a bit uncomfortable I usually drank. That would put me right back where I started.
I seem to have a low threshold for discomfort ... I've had to make some progress on that.
Nothing makes sense as long as an alcoholic drinks. You can analyse it all you like, but doing that will just keep leading you back where you began, because that's all self analysis can do - if you have not made the one decision that will change all those things you keep struggling with, it is unlikely you will have the strength to face those things alone and without support, either in your head, or in real life.
Alcoholics have only one exit from the madness we have created: we had to stop drinking.
Let someone else do the analysing...trust someone who is trained to do this in progress orientated ways, or someone who has an experience of sobriety they can draw from in hindsight...trust them for as long as it takes you to come to a place where things are making sense and then you can start redirecting your energy into trying analysis later, if you still consider it important. But whack that in the calendar for next year.
There is nothing difficult about getting sober. Staying sober means we have to move beyond the old ways of lining ourselves up and knocking ourselves down. That's a different story. Our constant analysis of how miserable, unworthy or mistreated we were, was exactly what put the bottle bakc in our hand. We need hindsight to look at those things properly...time. (Therapists spend years studying it, recovering alkies spend years doing it). It is pointless really, pretending we have experience in something we don't have. At some point we just have to face that fact, admit we don't know what we're doing, and become willing to do what those who do know how to do it, are telling us to do.
Keep it simple Suzy. The answer is not going to be found by looking back on your Dad's recovery. It is in your today. Stopping drinking and recovery are quite different concepts...those that like to pretend they have entered recovery before really sorting out whether they have stopped or not, are usually the ones that just go in and out and round and round frustrating themselves and others.
Just don't drink.
Let's get that aspect sorted first. First we learn how to say No. (Don't worry about when's and why's) We practice on those around us and prepare for the ultimate challenge....
Yourself. (No-one else will give you as much trouble with this as YOU do) And this is the area that we will be inclined to try analysing. Don't bother - just refocus your NO.
Focus on that.... You are learning to say "No. I don't drink."
That is what's happening here. Right? Got it? No-one else is analysing you (unless you've asked them to), nor should you be.
... I've had to make some progress on that.