A little over 3 weeks with no alcohol and for someone who didn't drink on a daily basis I have hardly thought about it- til this weekend. I had a pattern. I would drink for about 3 weeks then blow it out one Sat night. I kept it like clockwork- not on purpose- just seemed to be when the memory of my last binge faded and the boredom set in. So here I am on my 3 week mark and wanting to go out this weekend. I want to go out, but have no idea what to do. I even cancelled a date with a former flame because I don't think I could have sex or even fun with him sober. I broke it off completely because I figured that if that was the case I probably wasn't really attracted to him anyway. Just don't know how or what to do at this point. I am lonely and want to meet someone. I know I can't do that sitting at home. I know all the suggestions about taking up a hobby, but really.... Thanks for letting me share.
Getting involved in the fellowship of the program will cure most of this loneliness. Look for some AA clubs to go to meetings. You'll find groups of people there that go out for dinner, movies, bowl, play softball, camp, ski... And it's pretty amazing when you start realizing how much fun that you can have with a group of sober people. Once that starts happening for you, then you will be ready for some sober dating, but first you really need to concentrate on staying sober to give yourself time to build your sober identity, and move away from your drunk identity and become a whole person instead of a split one. There is a certain stunting of maturity that occurs when we get stuck in a cycle of drinking that we don't quite realize because, as humans, we are so compartmentalized. Meaning that we can be very functional in many aspects of our lives (or not) like working, driving (maintaining a car, insurance, license...), and a place to live, but be totally out to lunch in our personal lives. Once in awhile we look at this stuff that's not working and say "yuck" but denial smooths it over and we point ourselves at those compartments where we are successful and say "nothing wrong here..." If set a goal for a year of sobriety and really work for it, at the end of that year we will see some real change in our thinking, behavior, and character and have some pride about it and move forward. I look back at my drinking days (in the '80's) and it's like a bad movie that happened to someone else. And you know what? It did because I'm truly not that person anymore. Even biologically, our bodies replace all it's cells over a period of 7 years. It's all about change, but you have to remain sober for it happen. Of course we can opt for staying the same, and alcohol is a wonderful preservative.
At least it was for me, being the 24/7 drinker I was. Identifying your drinking pattern is also a plus for you. For me being aware is half the solution. I too believe talking on the phone, getting together for some meals and then a meeting with some A.A. members is a BIG help in getting through the early days of sobriety and some of the lows today. If you don't have one, sounds like a good time to find a sponsor. Between my sponsor and early recovery friends, I really didn't have an excuse for being bored or lonely.
My idea of a hobby was doing something using my hands and I remember when someone suggested I get a hobby. My hands hadn't stopped shaking yet and I thought that was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. But, today I realized people try to help me the best way they know how with what they know about me. Let others get to know you and get to know them. "Miss get a hobby" is one of my closest friends today.
Thank you for sharing, when I talked to her today I think I'll remind her of that little story. Today we can laugh about those things.
I'd HIGHLY suggest you check out some AA meetings and get VERY INVOLVED in a co-dependent group.
"Meeting someone" is not the answer to your lonlieness, nor can someone else FIX you!
If you've got to nothing to offer to someone else, how do you expect a relationship to work. Learn to love yourself first. Work on fixing you, first. Find out what you have to contribute to a relationship.........
((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Avoiding the club is essential. Even if you are lonely and want to meet someone, you are never going to meet a quality person in a club. That is where I met my last partner and the screwy messed up crap lasted almost 7 years. Yeah, I met someone but it was all wrong from the get go because going to the bar was a normal activity for the both of us and it just got worse and worse. I think the "normal" people find commonalities through other avenues of things they like to do. So that alone can be some of your motivation to go to meetings, start up some hobbies, and make yourself into a more well rounded person minus the clubs and booze. Great start though! Happy for you and seems like you are doing great.
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