There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God´s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.
I once said I don't know why I drink too much. My son said it is because I can. Inside I really do not want to stop drinking.
It seems like logic has very little to do with it.
And the poverty of the spirit is what it brings on and perpetuates....Why I want to do this to myself, I have no idea. It is really very dumb.
Dakota, there are two paths to sobriety from your vantage point. Learn by others mistakes and successes and get sober earlier, or do it the hard way and experience all that first hand for yourself, and perhaps get sober later.
Most choose the latter . There is no better teacher than loss and near death experiences. I'm praying that you'll wise up and get it early.
Dakota, you know I am a relative newcomer myself, but what I did learn from attending so many meetings is that mood swings in early sobriety are severe and they make you wonder why the hell you are even bothering trying to get sober (the low ones especially). At 113 days my moods are starting to even out a bit. I think those mood swings are the disease trying to get you to give up on early recovery....and also a bunch of other biological and social changes that occur in the first few months. It is really REALLY hard to face up to what your life is once you remove the crutch of alcohol. Be brave and just keep on truckin. Besides, on a deep level, you know alcohol just messes you up and will make the situation worse anyhow. Things will seem much better as you said, and then things will seem crappy again unfortunately. Hope does seem to spring from a higher power even when you feel like dog doo. Just keep praying and things will work out. It doesn't make me feel better to see other newcomers relapse, but the ones that I saw that seemed happy all the time in the first 90 days have relapsed. You are supposed to be feeling these waves of emotion for a while, so don't sweat it too much and just do the next right thing.
Editing: Also too much ruminating about why you drank can be dangerous early on. That stuff will come to you before you are ready to deal with it and it also is the disease trying to take you out. The detailed reasons and all the soul searching does not need so much focus until you get to step 4 and have a bit more stability to deal with what you discover and what you pretty much already know. Right now all that matters is that you are recognizing powerlessness and unmanageability...and also that you are not drinking.
-- Edited by pinkchip at 07:58, 2009-01-21
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
wow pinkchip, that was good for me to read. This will help me.
I forgot about how the time is important. I was actually sober for 2 years straight, a couple years ago. It did take time for the disease effects to leach from my body and mind. i forgot about that.
