For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss.
We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can't figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like.
Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don't want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don't have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all.
Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays.
Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.
One of the greatest gifts of recovery is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays than there are those who feel at peace. We're learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves a little better each holiday season.
Our first recovery task during the holidays is to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It's all okay.
There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time.
This holiday season, I will give myself permission to take care of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I have found that the Holidays go a lot better now that I am sober, when I stopped having a bunch of expectations. I have stopped getting nervous and stressed out (for the most part), I have stopped planning events that require me losing my mind to prepare for, and I have ceased to jump on every invitation that comes my way.
In my usual life, I cannot handle running around like a lunatic, and I need my peaceful downtime for my own recovery, and I cannot change that just because it is Christmas or New Years. My needs are still the same. My needs to stay sane, and be in GOOD company, and to find time to relax, do not evaporate just because it is a holiday. Thankfully, most of my family has accepted this too, and no longer protests when I have to pass on yet another party or get together. A couple of outings is enough.
What's more, thanks to my husband, there are children in my life now. And I have made this more about them than about me. We are no longer hauling them all over creation, spending the majority of the time in the car and at abrasive peoples' homes (even certain members of the family). We try to cultivate for them a peaceful and loving environment while they are here with us, and that is truly what this season is about for me, PEACE ON EARTH.
I will NOT be out the day after Christmas seeing what bargains I can find, or jumping on the 50% Off sales, or cleaning up after a drunken occasion. For this, all this, I am truly grateful. I have gotten used to being happy where I am at during the holidays.
I hope you all have a warm and peaceful Christmas, and sending you hugs.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
