Need to know how to deal with this in A.A. meeting without creating more problems since I am a newcomer. This person has a lot to share and give since he has several years and I need to feel comfortable going. Any imput would be grateful. Thank You.
I guess the way I would deal with it is to take the person aside after the meeting, not too far away from others, and quietly but firmly tell him, that I was there as a recovering person, and was not interested in anything more than that.
If he didnt get the message the first time, I would share confidentially, with a lady from the group, or your sponsor,and maybe, she could help put a stop to it.
If that doesnt work, I would quielty invite him out behind the meeting place, and beat him with a rubber hammer!!
Im joking about the last part. my old thinking.:)
Thats my suggestion. Maybe there are others on the board here that, can suggest other ulternatives. Good luck.
__________________
Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
If I understand you correctly , some one in the group is trying to put the moves on you. In the program that is called 13 Stepping and is not acceptable behavior unless you want it to be. I have told men I was not interested, or at other times I ignored it and it stopped, or I have even brought up 13 Stepping as a topic for discussion in the meetings. Pray and let your higer power guide you in this , you might just want to ask your sponsor about it.
I'm glad you are here. Keep coming back. I pray you have a sober day.
You could let the other fellows know this-- and they could be your protectors. That is what one married lady had to do so she could attend! The other men were all too willing to help her out ! They understood and could deal with him.
Is the other person aware that the advances are unwanted? If not, they need to be told in a way that leaves no room for doubt. If that doesn't solve the problem, get some assistance from another person in the group that you feel that you can trust. This sort of thing shouldn't happen, and the majority of your group would be disgusted by this sort of behaviour, they will help you.
Hope it's all sorted out soon.
Best wishes.
Chris.
__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Unless you have made some promise to yourself to consciously practice tact,
Just tell the bugger to BACK OFF!
There is often one in every crowd, and a group is usually aware of it. People can't be expected to speak for you, but they can be relied upon to support you.
You tell him clearly to put his mits in his pocket, get his eyes of your chest or put his invitations back in their envelopes - and you will find the others will rally to ensure he knows where the line is. He'll tread very carefully around that line, until the next newcomer arrives...
Nic's note for newcomers: Just because someone has a lot of time up, without a drink, does NOT mean they have turned into Mary Poppins or Sir Gallahad. We are all still human, we still push boundaries, we still try our luck, and we still make mistakes. We just get used to trying NOT to do those things, saying sorry when we do, attempting to check ourselves, and managing a laugh when our friends point out our latest blunder.
Heaven help me...if I was to start singing under an umbrella and skipping across the plains...
I can't tell you how wrong you are. I am 20 days sober and a married, disgusting supposedly 'old-timer' propositioned me after a meeting today. It was completely unwanted and I felt closer to drinking while driving home than I have since I stopped. This was extremely destructive and inappropriate. I am still in a rage, but feel better after talking to my sponsor. I'm trying not to die, for godsakes, not get a frickin' date! People who prey on vulnerable people are SICK!!!!
I can't recommend enough that especially if you are new, single-gender meetings are the way to go. Most areas have them. Aside from not having to worry about getting hit on, the women's meetings I attend just provide a more loving and open atmosphere than the mixed-gender meetings (and I say that as person who has lots of male friends and is perfectly comfortable around men).
I can't tell you how wrong you are. I am 20 days sober and a married, disgusting supposedly 'old-timer' propositioned me after a meeting today. It was completely unwanted and I felt closer to drinking while driving home than I have since I stopped. This was extremely destructive and inappropriate. I am still in a rage, but feel better after talking to my sponsor. I'm trying not to die, for godsakes, not get a frickin' date! People who prey on vulnerable people are SICK!!!!
Yep. A sleazebag pretty much chased a youngish girl out of AA not long after I joined. I haven't seen her since and I hope it doesn't stop her getting the help she needs.
I guess we have to keep in mind the the 13th steppers are sick people themselves but it is hard not to get angry at just how selfish they are.
Fer fug's sakes, there's such a thing as having a little bit of decency and really caring about people. I know pretty girls are going to get attention and they may not pick up on a guy's intention or misinterpret. I talk about my wife a lot and have a generally non-sexist attitude toward women and it puts you on the "safe list" when it's clear you don't have any wolfish intentions.
When my wife and I were first together we went to meetings (in the South where the meetings ARE racially segregated) and the meetings in our neighborhood were 90% black. Well, not being prejudiced we went to groups closest to the house.
Those guys were gruff and cold toward me but gave HER all kinds of attention. Now, she is the most naive person I ever met so it didn't seem to her like anyone was "hitting" on her, but let's just say a disproportionate amount of effort was spent in building rapport with her.
Sure I've had relationships in sobriety, but the majority have been nonalcoholic women who I made the connection to them through someone in AA.
