Just dropping in to say "Hi" to all the newcommers, and the regulars here :)
Havent been on here much.
Been practicing my character defects....and..
My part...in it all...contributed to...the downfall of a good relationship, in my life.
And while we are here? Honesty..has to be a part of this thread also....and yupper...self centeredness
And maybe..just maybe...there will be someone...here..that there will be a message for..
Unknown to a lot of my Freinds...
After 23 years in AA...I had a few "F#ck it days" and bought a 6 pack.. For a year and a half..I tried to keep a handle on it... It was brought to my attention..by my partner...that maybe...I should should put the bottle down, and get sober. After many excuses..I knew she was right...so I sit here today..on this computer..with 5 or 6 months sobriety..dont know the exact date...and it really doesnt matter..
As of last Sunday..after much patience, on the part of the lady that I lived with..and putting up with my glaring character defects plus the self centeredness...she could handle no more..I moved out..and back to my apartment, in a small town, where my 2 daughters live..
And..here we are..in a 2 bedroom apartment..driving taxi 4 shifts a week..for the folks, that I sold out to...going to meetings..and kicking my ass, all over the map..
Learning reality experiences...are rough.
Im 60 years old..
They used to call me Mr AA..what a crock of shit that is.
Back to basics...one on one councelling...and 12 steps..
You guys and gals have a good day.
With love to you all
Phil
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
We still Love you Phil. Don't let a few months offset the value of 23 years of clean living. You're still Way Way ahead of the game. Have a great holiday season with your respective families.
Phil, my dear, sweet friend. I love ya, man! And you know it!
I'm so grateful to you at this moment, not only for your honesty, but for the humility you've shown by posting this...... The good news, and you told me this way back when, we don't lose what we had, it just takes a vacation for a bit.
I'm so glad you made it back.
You are and will always be "Mr. AA" to me. YOU were the first sobriety impact in my life, that doesn't change.
BIG, HUGE, GIGANTIC
(((((hugaroonies)))))
~ Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thank you for sharing with us. You provided me such support and encouragement when I first began posting here about the pain of relapsing after longterm sobriety. I understand fully how you feel. Now, it's my chance to give you back some support and encouragement by sharing with you what I had to do in order to get sober, and stay sober, again:
The most difficult thing for me was to let the people I knew well in A.A. know that I had relapsed and could not stop drinking. Like you, I had developed a "reputation" in A.A. as a "solid A.A. citizen." I sponsored many women, spoke regularly at meetings and conventions, and knew the information in the Big Book backwards and forwards. Many people "looked up to me" in A.A.
What I had to do when I came back to A.A. was to go to a meeting every day, identify myself as a newcomer, and get a sponsor immediately. I have called my sponsor each morning for the 2+ years I've been sober again. Sometimes, I don't want to hear what she has to say, but I know now more than ever that I need to be accountable to someone in A.A. I took a coffee commitment at my home group (I still have that same Monday night commitment today). I still have to go to face-to-face meetings throughout the week. When I slack up on those, my sponsor "gets in my ass," so that I don't find myself slipping away again from the fellowship.
Although I did not lose the information and sober experiences I had before for 18 years, I had to pray to set aside all that I knew so that I could become open-minded enough to take direction from others.
Most of all, I have had to remain willing to develop some true humility, and stop pretending that "I have it all together," because I don't. When I share at meetings, I talk about what is really going on with me, whether good or bad. I've shed many tears iin meetings and out of meetings over the past 2 years, sometimes feeling completely overwhelmed by remorse, shame, embarassment and guilt. In the first year or so back, I often thought "what's the use, I lost my sobriety." I had particular difficulty in the days leading up to my old sobriety date. But, it has gotten much much better over time, and it will for you too.
Phil, you are not alone. You are loved here on this board, and in the Fellowship of A.A. Please make as many meetings as possible. I don't know if you have a sponsor, but, if not, please get one as soon as possible. And, please keep posting here; we are all here for each other, and none of us can do this alone.
Phil, nobody "has it all together". NO ONE, sober or not. What a SOBER thing to do, to come here and share your heart. You ROCK, and I don't care if you don't think so right now, cuz' you DO rock.
back on the horse buddy, just like you told me. Good things are ahead, and you know that deep down.
((((hugs))))
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Hey Phil Know you are loved no matter what! And.... Thanks to your share, this gal will have one more day of sobriety under her belt... Miracle, maybe...I so wanted to say f it just now and relieve the feelings of stress that are eating away at me right now....Didnt drink, because I have to go to work...but oh my god, the feeling was there! I shared about financial stuff coming to a head and the same feelings of fear came blasting down on me...Chest pain, shaking, plain old fear that the only way I knew how to get rid of was to drink and pass out, hopefully!
Your post actually saved my life! Reminds me of why I am here and what the f I gave up the bottle for in the first place.. Its funny b/c I dont usually check this board before work but had to scream out where I was...
Money woes is soooo not worth it! Nor is any other problem!! Im glad you are back and thanks for the honesty!!! Your are so right, it did help someone else and for that I am grateful!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Thankyou for showing me in your courage & humility that it is ok to be human, Phil. Sometimes I really struggle trying to be this perfect program & use its 'expectations of perfection' in alligning my will with that of God's that I can overlook how well I'm doing in the simple accomplishments of each day. Sometimes I need to remember not to try so hard & to let my recovery take place at its own pace. I have to take this pressure off or I won't be able to appreciate in gratitude what it's truly given me already 1Day@aTime. My worse nightmare is that I may have to have a relapse sometime to teach me something valuable that in all my arrogance I just couldn't have the vision to see before so sometimes it's my pride that keeps me sober too.
The beauty (!) of what has happened with you is that you can now see that which I may never get unless it happened to me too. This means that you still have an insight that I hope for. I hope I can have your humility anyway without having to swallow my pride or hurt myself to gain it. I'm glad you're returned, learning & doing well again. This is where your courage & humility is shining out in excess is so inspirational. I'm glad you're still here & I trust you all the more for sharing your long amassed ES&H where you are. I still want what you have & will keep on coming back to get it if you're yet willing to give it :) God bless you. I hope God grants for you the things you may want for yourself. Thank you for letting me help today. You always help me, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
From an Alanoner. You could have lied; kept your secret. Everybody slips. Especially Alanoners, we are so busy taking everybody's inventory that we have no time for character defects. lol. I guess that says how powerful this disease is. Your topic says "relationships". Alcoholism is hard on relationships. I still struggle with my separation with my AHsober. He has been sober for over 20 years and the "ism" lives on.
You're a much loved man. You're also highly rated here on MIP and I'm sure everywhere else, too.
You have helped me many times when I have posted with a problem or just needed to vent. Thank you for that. Thank you, too, for your honesty in your post.
You have reminded me that we cannot take a single day for granted and that I need to work harder on my gratitude. You have also reminded me that this program is about balance. That is something that is usually in short supply for me. I am so all or nothing!
Phil, you're a great ambassador for AA and we are all so lucky, here on MIP, that you shared with us and that you're part of this great community.
Take good care of yourself. You're worth it.
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
"We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
(another of my favorites: "Life is a journey, not a destination.")
I still have GREAT respect for your reason and common sense here on this board.
(Do you feel the great big group hug that you are getting from the folks who have known you for so long on this site?!?)
Welcome back Phil: Your 1 of the lucky ones, the longer the soberity they worse the fall. We've all heard horror stories of those with 20 plus years who go back out and can't find their way back and it kills them. Take care.
-- Edited by cooncatbob at 12:17, 2008-11-29
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
