Some of you may have read my post about my marriage problems. Thnaks for all the nice replies. After talking to a friend in the program last nite, it is clear that my problem is not my wife, marriage, or anything else... my problem is my spiritual life. It just does not seem to be taking off. I keep trying to solve my problems myself and have such a HARD time 'giving everything to God'. I am praying, talking to God/Higher Power, reading Step 3 in the 12X12 daily, but this attitude of 'Thy Will be Done' is so hard for me to accept. Honestly, I am afraid to put God fully in charge of my life. I see it working for so many others, but I just don't feel and experience it like I think I shouild at this point in my sobriety. It all sounds so easy, but man, I'm having a hard time with it. I was so upset last nite, I told myself I should just say the heck with all of this and just go drink, since that will help me escape for a while. I rarely think that way, so it shows how bad things are getting. I believe, I just don't feel it.
my problem is my spiritual life. It just does not seem to be taking off. I keep trying to solve my problems myself and have such a HARD time 'giving everything to God'.... Honestly, I am afraid to put God fully in charge of my life. I see it working for so many others, but I just don't feel and experience it like I think I shouild at this point in my sobriety. It all sounds so easy, but man, I'm having a hard time with it.
Thanks for reading!
Hey Curtis, a few things come to mind when I read you post. First, to get your relationship with your higher power off the ground, you need to start with daily gratitude (make lists for while until you memerize what those things are) for all that you have and all that you are. It is through expressing gratitude that we petition our HP to receive more. There are many of us that express gratitude for those things (not particularly material in nature) that we would like as if we already have them. There is a power there that works. Don't question it, don't try and figure it out or disprove, just take our word for it, as we are receiving the results that you wish for yourself, and DO IT!
The reluctance to "Turn you will over" (step 3) is usually an indication that there are some character defects that we are reluctant to let go of. Have you done your 4th,5th,6th, and 7th steps yet?
Lastly, it's important to visualize (meditate, contemplate, daydream...) a Higher Power that is personaly accetable to you. Customize him/her to suit your self. It'll change over time, but for now come up with something that makes you smile. Maybe he's some cool and groovy guru guy that rides a motorcycle or something that always shows up just when you need him. Humor yourself. It's YOUR higher power.
Also, take any opportunity to ask Your HP for help when you need it. Pay particularly close attention when a human shows up out of the blue ready to help you. HP works a lot through people. He works through you when you spontaneously decide to help a stranger. Where do you think that your well intentioned thought originated from .
Work on it, get back to us with some positive results.
Thanks for your reply. I am currently working Step 8. I really like what you said about visualizing your HP as anything that make you smile. That will help alot. And yes, I believe that much of my problem is that I do question it all and try to figure everything out. I must quit complicating life so much. And making a 'daily gratitude list' sounds like a great idea. Your kind and loving words are an inspiration to me and have already made my day better.
Don't set yourself a time limit for when you ought to feel such-and-such. I do that mentally and it just does not work. You already know that sobriety is like a seesaw. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down waiting to get back up. And ya can't force yourself back up. Can only just keep trudging the road, and brighter days will come, whenever they are supposed to.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
"So many of us have been brainwashed to think that we can't have what we want in life. That is the belief of the martyr. It is born of deprivation and fear.
Identifying what we want and need, then writing it down, sets in motion a powerful chain of events. It indicates that we are taking responsibility for ourselves, giving God and the Universe permission to supply our wants and needs.
The belief that we deserve to have a change in character, a relationship, a new dimension to an existing relationship, a possession, a certain level of health, living, loving, or success, is a powerful force in bringing that desire to pass.
Often, when we realize that we want something, that feeling is God preparing us to receive it!
Listen. Trust. Empower the good in your life by paying attention to what you want and need. Write it down. Affirm it mentally. Pray about it. Then, let it go. Give it to God, and see what happens.
The results may be better than you think.
Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will take time to write it down, and then I will let it go. I will begin to believe I deserve the best.
From The Language of Letting Go"
good stuff!!!!!
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
For me it was just being willing and listening. I was paying attention to what God was putting in front of me and some of it was so obvious. At the time I didn't think it was him - but when I finally hit bottom and looked back - there he was with his hand out to help me up.
I never believed - I didn't "not" believe, but logic talked me out of it. Then I started to connect the dots and the only LOGICAL answer was God was there for me. Almost everytime, since coming into the program, I have said "I need 'x'", it was provided. REALLY odd things started to happen and I didn't miss them. I came into the program really pushing against the God thing, then I read "Who am I to say there is no God" and I let it go...completely. Then, when I least expected it - here it came like a Mack truck.
"Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." (pg 84 BB).
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