We A.A.s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . . So it isnt surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96
I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to recognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely.
Daily Reflections 18.11.08 ~ A Safety Net
Occasionally. . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply wont pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105
Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry Ill surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will its as if Ive slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray.
-- Edited by Sobrietyspell at 11:39, 2008-11-19
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I didnt know that prayer had to or could be a simple answer. In my 2yrs sober I have not mastered prayer. I am on 6 & 7 so maybe new to the practice. I didnt know that it would be or was going to have to be such an intrinsic tool for my recovery. Ive barely got the courage, confidence or faith required to let go & try this nowhere else to go Safety Net. I didnt know that this is what it is. And, I didnt know I was going to be so rebellious towards this. I need my Program today more than ever. (I wish I didnt but I do want to stay sober!) Deep down Ive been frightened to need a God in my life yet I wouldnt mind if everyone had one so I wouldnt feel so strange. Thank God it is ok for it to be personal to me. I need to pray more & more every single day. Thankyou ~ Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
