Enabling Personality

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Enabling Personality

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Ok --wele try another one.:)

How do I keep the romance alive in a long term relationship?

Take responsibility as an individual for your own romantic needs
Be clear about what is important to you in your relationship
Tell your partner about your needs

Our lives are so busy that I hardly spend any time with my partner. How can I plan a weekend together to reconnect?

Most importantly, have fun
Talk together to decide what activities to do
Expect to have different ideas of fun, and take turns choosing activities enjoyable to each of you
Know what you enjoy, and ask for it
Relaxed time together is fundamental to keeping your relationship healthy

I don't communicate well with my partner. How can we work on it?

Set aside time to be together as a couple
Force yourselves to communicate, even if it feels fake at first
Listen to each other openly and non-defensively
Keep a positive attitude and spirit of goodwill
Don't make assumptions - ask questions without attacking

I feel like I've grown apart from my partner. How do we keep our relationship intimate?

Remember what first brought you together and talk about it
Dream together and build a sense of co-created future
Remember that intimacy does not equal sameness
Have a clear sense of yourself
Appreciate how your partner is different from you
Laugh at your differences
Balance your needs with your partner's needs - both are important
Care for your self - the biggest mistake is to expect your partner to take care of you entirely

Rick · MIP Old Timer

Good post

Thanks I'm sitting here thinking and thinking. Who Am I? What do I want? Is my relationship good? Is it worth the effort? Is it me? Have I changed again? Drunk--sober--drunk--sober !!DO I have to people please my wife? It sure seems so at least right now. Sick of jumping!! Poor me??? Who knows?? Not sure anymore. I guess staying sober today is the best I can do, right now.SOOOOO Mixed up at times!!! Keep praying for GODS will not mine. Work the program not the problem??? I guess!!! Leaving for a Florida vacation tomorrow, right now I could care about going. Don't know what my problem is, or maybe I do.

wallsal55 · Senior Member

For me, to have my spouse people-please me--well, if his actions were sincere, they were appreciated, but I was skeptical as he had to rebuild my trust. If he people-pleased me all the time, I felt smothered. (I pulled away from my A during drinking and had gained a lot of independent thinking of my own). It's difficult and AWKWARD for a long, long time. But for me, was the visual proof that my spouse was working his program, walking the walk. (not just talk) Hope this helps!

amanda2u2 · MIP Old Timer

Interesting thread,, I don't like it if I know someone is just 'people-pleasing',,, cuz it is fake, and I wonder what is really going on. Even if it is not exactly fake,, if I know the person is sincerely trying to please me,,, I'd still rather that person just be his/her best self with me. I'd rather hear the honest opinion, respectfully shared than to be brown-nosed. See the '12 x 12' book on Step 12,, that is a long chapter, but it addresses the issue of couples very well.

love in recovery,

amanda