A little history. I used and drank for 15+ years. Went to rehab, got out, used again and then went back for a refresher and then moved into a 3/4 house for 8 months. That was 2 1/2 years ago. I am now married and have a 3 1/2 month old son. I have been "pretending" that I have been sober this entire time but I have not. I have lied to everyone, including myself. I told my husband about one incident last summer but that's it. It has only been a handful of times but it doesn't matter. I have been telling myself I have been "mostly sober" so I don't feel like crap about it. You know "I am WAY better now than I have ever been, not doing dope and drinking every day blah blah blah".
I plan on going to therapy today and getting honest. I feel like keeping these secrets is blocking any positive energy and really keeping me from being the best person I can be. I also know that I am only as sick as my secrets.
I am so scared right now of the consequences. Will my husband want to leave me? Will my parents and brother be disappointed? Will my friends be so hurt they won't talk to me?
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I just had to get it out.
Hi Muffet Welcome to MIP. Good luck today with your therapist and what a great step you are taking. You are right, we are only as sick as our secrets. I found that I had a habit of lying all the time. Dumb things usually like: I'll do this or that with no intention of doing, just to make someone happy. Today I can be honest and know that by being that way, everyone, including myself, is happier!
Whatever consequences you may have to face people will see that you truly are making an effort. You may be suprised to find, the ones you were lying to knew what was up the whole time and are glad youve found some humility!
Let us know how it goes!!!! Good luck and stick around!
-- Edited by lani at 10:56, 2008-11-12
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Welcome to MIP. Congratulations on this big step. It will be difficult but my experience is the outcome is so much better and it is worth it. The relief is incredible.
Let us know how things are going.
Good luck,
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Focus on you for now and the next 24 hours - one day at a time. The rest will take care of itself. Without you getting better, though, the cares and concerns about family and friends won't matter to either them... or you.
Best wishes on your road to recovery - baby steps, baby steps!
Thankyou Muffet for sharing. It is so hard to start over ... get sober again and again. Honesty did not come first for me. ( yeah I could admit I had a drinking problem and had been lying to others, etc. ) But real true honesty with another person did not come immediately. I had to practice willingness. I needed to be willing to do what my sponsor and other sober members of AA were suggesting for me to do. Get to meetings, work the steps, do service work, help others and all the rest of the work that is involved. While I was taking action being willing to do these things with an open mind of course, then I started to get honest more and more every day with myself , and then others. Learning to rely on God for the faith it took to get thru each and every day was the key for me . I could not stay stuck in the fear stages of my sickness. I had to ask for that to be removed ( step 6 & 7 ) When I started relying on God instead of my own self, that was when I was really able to get honest and started peeling those layers of uncertainty away. God has forgiven me for the lies and the harms Ive done to others. It was time for me to forgive myself and get healthy. I was able to do that with the program of AA , working the steps and now helping others to do the same. Hang in there, You can do this. What are you willing to do to stop drinking ?
Hello muffet, and welcome!! You are on the right track, the road that will lead you to inner peace, instead of hiding things and worrying about being "found out'. Chances are that your honesty will be accepted by your family, once they get over the initial shock. Whatever their reaction, this is about YOU, and they will recuperate in time as well.
I have heard of a lot of spouses leaving a person who would NOT stop and tore the family apart with their drinking, but few, if any, who left because the spouse got honest and wanted to do better.
Hope your therapy session went well. So glad we have that available. It has helped me in my life tremendously, and I still need to keep checking in once in awhile myself.
take care, welcome, and hope to see you here often. Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Keep up the good work! It isn't easy, but it is sure worth it!
My thought really is...will your husband stay if you continue drinking? How long will you get to keep your child if you continue drinking? From my own personal experience, I can tell you - eventually they find out you are drinking...now matter how well we think we hide it. And the consequences only get worse.
Go to a meeting and talk about it. You are not alone. There have been many out there who have been there done that...and keep coming back!
Welcome to MIP. It's good to have you here with us.
I know how hard it can be to get sober again. This is my second time around in AA, but it has completely changed my life around.
I hated the lies that came with my drinking. I tried to pretend to everyone around me that things were fine. But, I didn't even manage to fool myself let alone anyone else!
Well done for planning on going to therapy. I hope that your session went well and that you are feeling a little stronger today. Remember to keep taking baby steps.
I started drinking again promising myself just the occasional glass of wine, and so on. But, I couldn't stick to it and my drinking escalated very quickly and I was drinking more than I did before very quickly. It was frightening how my disease had progressed.
Before I stopped drinking for the second time my long term boyfriend left me, my parents were worried and upset about my drinking and my friends were all aware that I had a problem and were worried for me. Now, it's great that they're not worried and that I can be honest with them. I have a lot of support from friends and family and also from my AA friends.
For this alkie,I couldn't have got sober or stay sober without going to regular meetings and really getting involved with AA.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? We're all here for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
