OK, folks! As some of you know my kid once again is in trouble with the law. He turned himself in a few weeks back. Circumstances, a lot of prayer, talking to my sponsor, an attorney and other AA's who've been through it, I bailed the kid out!
A long time friend of mine (a guy), who is also in the program, went with me to the bond hearing for moral support, then went with me to the BailBond. This 'friend' is a recovering addict, I've known him since high school and he's always been like family to me. He had a long chat with my son and convinced him to attend and NA meeting. Well, the kid went to the meeting, shared that he'd gotten high that day, my friends son was also in this meeting, went home and told his dad! My friend calls me and begins to BITCH me out that my son would be better off in jail, that he's got 3 choices (you know that one), that I should do the right thing and revoke bond! I tell him, nicely, not his call. I'm gonna give my son a chance. Now, my son feels betrayed and won't even think about a meeting!
My son is doing better. He's working a little here and there, odd jobs and he's looking for a job. He attends adult ed 4 days a week 4 hours a day, to get his GED. It's not perfect, but it's better. Baby steps! I'll take whatever the kid can give at this moment.
Well, it's been about 3 weeks now and yesterday the Bailbonds office called. Wanted to SEE my son. Said my friend (and I use the term loosely) stopped by there and told them my kid is using drugs, running the streets, drinking, robbing people (yes robbing people), that I can do nothing with him, yada, yada...... Took me 2 phone calls and a LONG talk with the Bailbonds guy to get this crap straightened out!
Now.......What do I do? I'm terrified this guy is gonna pull another stunt! I haven't talked to him, and don't want to.
My attorney friend suggested I call him and let him know I do not want him in my life or my son's life and to stay away.......
I'm soooooo angry. This is wrong on SO many levels I can't begin to even understand it!
Share with me........ I need to hear something!
~ Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Yikes! Sounds like irritating times. Wish I had some ES&H for ya, but pretty much everyone stays out of my parenting biz. They know better...it would not end well.
I am confused who went to the bail bonds office - your friend you consider family or your son's friend's dad? If your close friend....ouch. I am sorry. I think a gentle but firm "None of your business" is appropriate unless the situation is directly affecting him.
Congrats on being there for your son, I admire you. I would do the same for my girl.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
I would distance myself from those people as much as possible, cut off all communication and forget about them, and continue to do whatever it is you believe will help improve your sons' current situation.
Id tell the guy, " Im sorry you feel that way ". And then Id thank him for all of his help, and then Id pray for him and pray for myself to get rid of the resentment I was feeling towards him.
Again - no ES&H here so this turns into advice which I sure have no business giving.....
But I will dive in anyway.
30 year friend. Almost family. You know, if I totally blew it with someone who labeled me that, I sure hope we could communicate and have the ability to forgive me being an a$$.
I agree you have every right to be mad, I would too. I think this should be communicated, boundaries set, and if he crosses them....then re-evaluate.
Some people just can't stay out of other peoples business and they THINK they are helping. That may be the case.
Hope that helps.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Prayers up to you and your son. What a heavy burden you are carrying and I hope to never have to deal with that stress! But, having two teenagers who have 2 alcoholic parents who knows what could happen.
Your friend sounds like he thought he was doing the right thing but now it is time to let him know he is causing more harm than help. Unless someone is in or has been in that situation I dont think they really understand how hurtful their behavior is.
You planted the seed jen and are a shining example to your son. The rest is up to him. We cant make anybody "get " it! How do we not try to spare our kids the pain we went through? Im sure I would do the same thing you are doing also. Prayin for you!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I agree with what someone else said, if this is a long time friend, have a talk with him and tell him he is doing more harm than good and that you are handling the situation. If he keeps interfering, then follow your lawyer's advice and tell him you don't want him in yours or your son's life.
Also, you might want to suggest to your son that he try a different NA meeting that your friend's son doesn't go to and explain to him that what your friend's son did was wrong. AA/NA is supposed to be anonymous, that kid should NOT have told his dad anything that your son said at the meeting. Maybe if he goes to another meeting where he doesn't know people it will be better and he'll feel more comfortable with sharing.
I used to go to a meeting where I used to live, and everyone gossiped in that meeting. From what I understand if someone is not at a meeting one night, although they are a member of that group, you're not supposed to go tell them what happened and what was said at that meeting. People were all the time telling others "so and so picked up a white chip tonight" or "so and so said he relapsed" when that shouldn't have been shared with anyone who was not at that meeting. It makes it hard to feel comfortable with sharing when things like that goes on.
this is my felling as well, except that i'd do it with a letter and warn him to stop slandering your family unless he wants some legal troubles of his own.
