Well I'm edging on 50 days. It's weird, the rest of my life still feels like a wreck, but I am pretty confident about staying sober. I have only had two urges to drink lately. One was the start of my vaction (this Monday). Typically I would have woke up at 7:30 a.m. and went straight to the liquor store. I would have used the alcohol for energy for about two hours and the rest of the day would be hell. Drinking, drinking, drinking alone until bed and do it all over again the next day. Wow! That's all I can say about that! So, when I cleared me head and thought about the consequences for that, I chose not to.
The other time was a wedding I attended on Saturday. When I walked into the reception, I dont know, it gave me this warm feeling. It was dark, roamantic, just an awesome reception! I just wanted a couple drinks to "feel it" even more ! But that passed quick and I was able to enjoy the rest of the night.
Other than that, I've been doing well with it. Don't get me wrong, I think about it some way or another at least every hour. But it's okay.
I have another question for you guys....and gals Right now, I put most of my effort into staying sober. I go to work and get the "have tos" done, and I still go out and have some fun once in awhile. But I have a lot of things that need to be taken care of. Mostly things that were related to my drinking. Medical bills/issues for instance. I feel like I have no energy left to deal with that stuff right now. I hate to think about it. Its like a horrible dream. And then I just re-live my seizures and the hospital over and over and over again. When I start to think about it I HAVE TO redirect my thoughts, or I end up a mess. Should these be things I need to start dealing with now, or is taking a little time okay?? And when I ask that, I'm not saying I'm not paying my medical bills or seeing the Doctor. It's just that a lot goes into that stuff. My insurance needs straightened out.....that kind of stuff. It's all just like a horrible horrible nightmare that I can't get out of !
congrats on 50 days! Have you talked to your sponsor about your question? Have you thought of asking for help with that stuff? If you are open to some help and you pray about it, someone knowledgeable will appear. Try and divide it up into smaller parts and work a little each week on it. Make a few calls, and then put it aside when you feel it's getting to you. It's not all or nothing. Hope that you're going to lots of meetings and sharing about what's bothering you, especially the urges to drink. Wedding receptions are very slippery places. Most of the time, some sort of plan helps, like leaving early, hanging around with a known non drinker, taking a sober person with you....be careful.
I am in the middle of feeling the same way. My list is HUGE and I don't have enough energy to deal with it.
What I have done that seems to be working - is writing down that list - the whole thing. Now most people don't like that - makes it seem insurmountable - but the agreement I have with myself is that being gently with myself is first and foremost right now. I have written down everything - shower, brush teeth, take kid to school, work duties. It helps me to see stuff crossed off. And again - I have this agreement that I DON'T have to finish the list. I aim for the most important ones, my daugher appreciates that I have brushed my teeth and showered...
Anyway - progress not perfection. I take care of the things that will keep my out of trouble - and the rest can wait. Who needs clean dishes anyway?
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Most insurance companies have contracts with hospitals wherein the latter agrees to accept a certain rate, and thats that. But hospitals often send the patient a bill anyway, which freaks us out. Unless you have a very restrictive plan, or went out of network, you probably owe less than you think. HMO contracts forbid the hospital from balance billing the patient.
If your experience matches mine, you are maybe more haunted by "how did I ever let it get that far?"
But if you can focus on how far you've come from that event, how much it ultimately shaped you for the better, and was the wakeup call of a lifetime...gratitude trumps shame and fear? BG
I can identify with where you are at, cram. I like Dean's thoughts, get help. I also wanted to mention how the "guilt" of "not doing more" can haunt us and keep us down in the early days. Doing ONE small thing a day can help alleviate this. I speak here from experience. Like tomorrow, just STACKING the bills, sorting them into piles to take care of later. Stacking and sorting can be your ONE job for tomorrow, and that's it. Simple.
Then one day next week, make ONE CALL. These small things will be something you can pat yourself on the back for, and stop beating yourself up over. It is a small start, baby steps, to something that looks overwhelming right now, like a huge mountain lurking in front of you. But it is NOT a huge mountain, it is a small series of mud puddles to jump. Just one little one at a time, with breaks in between.
Hope this helps.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
But that passed quick and I was able to enjoy the rest of the night.
Right now, I put most of my effort into staying sober. I go to work and get the "have tos" done, and I still go out and have some fun once in awhile. But I have a lot of things that need to be taken care of. Mostly things that were related to my drinking. Medical bills/issues for instance. I feel like I have no energy left to deal with that stuff right now. I hate to think about it. Its like a horrible dream. And then I just re-live my seizures and the hospital over and over and over again. When I start to think about it I HAVE TO redirect my thoughts, or I end up a mess. Should these be things I need to start dealing with now, or is taking a little time okay?? And when I ask that, I'm not saying I'm not paying my medical bills or seeing the Doctor. It's just that a lot goes into that stuff. My insurance needs straightened out.....that kind of stuff. It's all just like a horrible horrible nightmare that I can't get out of !
