Hi Joni²1 (Look! Your name is damn near an equation!). It dropped to a chilly sixty here last night (up on the mountain- a steamy sixty-eight down here in the city!)

I'd better keep this brief. ;)

I did something awful to my achilles (how many ways can one interpret that as an analogy?) and have been limping all over (working in a ten story building, which is probably the culprit that originally did the achilles damage.)

After moving to my new island (I love saying that- I always think of David O'Hara in Braveheart proclaiming that Ireland is "my island"!) I was unemployed for a week or two and was living on my daughter's couch for a couple days (that scared her- she was afraid I'd be there forever, just after her mom left for college and she'd finally gained her independance). Displaced, new town, no friends- very wierd feeling. So I walked across Kapiolani park Near where my daughter's place is) to get a cup of coffee in Waikiki and stumbled across a very familiar looking group of people sitting amongst these twelve coconut trees just off the beach. It's funny how easily I recognize my poeple anymore- no matter where I go.

After I started work I didn't make a lot of meetings- new job, long hours, trying to get in pretty solid with some productive days and get my department set up (I took over as the first Maintenance Supervisor of a newer hotel that hasn't really had a maintenance department yet, so we're starting from scratch.)

Now that it's been nearly two months I'm making a ton of meetings, found my homegroup, met my new sponsor. Been making myself get up and share a lot even though sometimes I really don't feel like it- meeting lots of new people and getting involved with some serious coffee making. ;)

Also been discovering a lot about myself, spending a lot of time reading and writing, riding my skateboard around the city at night (If I ever grow up it will be kicking and screaming.) Amongst everything else I've had the time to do a lot of self reflection and stuff, and have come to some ideas about what's next and where to head. I have some stuff I need to work on (Duh?) and over the past two years have uncovered layers of it and have a better idea of some stupid stuff I've been shouldering around for way too long. Drinking has become such a secondary issue (not in the dangerous "it's okay for me to drink" way- it just seems like it was such a band-aid for stuff that is so much more imprisoning and restraining even than alcoholism.)

In light of the torn achilles thing I was thinking all this stuff the other day- about how I didn't get into the rooms for so long because I was scared and uncertain, no matter how ass backwards a paradigm that turned out to be- and how I stayed sober on my own for so many years just white knuckling it and toughing it out, only to find in the end that it seems that no matter how I dance and bob and weave, sooner or later I have to deal with my stuff. It's such a relief to have some clarity and to be sober and functioning with such a clear picture. Today I feel like the Henry Rollins quote (on his own sobriety) is more clear than ever: "I just can't afford anything to interrupt my reception." Or something like that. But anyhow- what a stupid way to go through life, toughing it out and gritting my teeth. I was limping around on my sore ankle and thought to myself, "It's just a little more pain." And suddenly I had this moment of clarity that this is exactly the way I've lived my life for so long- toughing out stuff that didn't need to be there because it was easier than dealing with it, because it was just a little more pain. STUPID! (I still haven't gotten to the doctor yet though- steep learning curve!)

But today I go to the meetings and do the stuff that had me so scared back a couple years, and it's all good and pleasant and cathartic and cool. I have friends at my meetings (or rather I did at my old meetings and am making new ones at my new meetings) and after a crap day it's really nice to know I get to go spend an hour recovering from it all, getting better, moving forward, letting go of the bullsh!t.


I know I've been a pain in the ass lately. I apologize for that. I wont use all of the easy excuses about just moving and being alone and all that tripe- I talk to people every day who have had it way worse than I've ever experienced in my oddly charmed life. I just don't function well sometimes, especially when everything is all whatever- transient, in flux, strange- whatever. And sometimes I forget my sense of humor and propriety can be a bit off. Sorry about that. An ether-slap in the head is probably in order.

(Brevity is apparently not my strong point?)

Hi Joni,

It's good to see you posting!

I'm sorry that you hurt your back recently. Try to take it easy and don't overdo anything.

(((Hugs)))

Carol

Hi all....
it sure does seem harder than it really is.... that's why I need to remind myself that it comes down to a very simple thing for me: "It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less".

Toby, loved your share! Your life sounds extremely interesting. And skateboarding... could that have anything to do with the achilles?? I had to chuckle about staying at daughter's for a time.... ACK!! LOL Thinking back to my own early college days... I would have been mortified!! Hahaha But then, my dad was certainly not the skateboarding free-wheeling type. Hope you two had fun, you will look back on that I hope and smile, both of you.

I kind of miss the "more-involved" times with AA. I might do a little something to remedy that today after work, and get to my Women's Discussion meeting after work, and hang with the girls at the coffee bar tonight instead of just coming straight back home. Thanks for the unintended kick in the booty!! just what I needed.

Off to work for a half-day. My schedule has changed so that I work 3 mornings a week, and 2 full days. Cannot beat the hours, and I have plenty of afternoon time to loll about or head to get some AA medicine. Life makes the time FOR me, if I choose to see it and act on it.

Take care all, and again, happy Year, Lani!!

Joni

If Phil wont.......lol

TLH wrote:

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StPeteDean wrote:

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Hey Toby,
I injured my heel/tendon not sure which. I was going up and down ladders for days painting my mountain home (got the drywall completed finally) On the other leg I pulled the bottom of my calf muscle. When I get all my joints healed I swear I'm going to take a yoga class or stretching something. Getting old sucks. Phil it's ok to tell me about it

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Joni nailed it. It may have been the stairs that initially wounded me but I skated across town to a meeting the other night and my ankle was horrific the next morning- totally hobbling around like an old man. I walk okay but skating is out for the moment, so for now it's the car or the bike.

I recommend highly the activities of skateboarding, body surfing, roller skating, etc... any time a person begins to forget how human and fallible they are. ;)

Aloha- Toby

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If I may add to that for us northerners with winter coming, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing and hand shoveling out that driveway. lol

LOL!!! I have wanted soooo badly to downhill ski again, I have had DREAMS about it...... but if I hurt myself, which these knees and hips aren't as limber as they used to be... I will be out of work and SCREWED..... UGH.... sucks to grow up and work on your feet!! LOL

Hi to you ALL,
Sorry about the back Joni. Hope it is better.
WELCOME BACK TOBY!!!! Already know I'm a fan of your 'writings'.

Now a message to you all...... GEEEZEEE am at least ?? years older than all of you.
Part of my job is routinely lifting boxes. While the norm is 50# most are ALOT more.
I AM NOT MAKING LIGHT OF ANY OF YOUR INJURIES, please do note that. It is your
remarks like 'it sucks to get old', ect ect. that is amusing me and making me laugh.
A few years ago, I thought I'd die when AH left. Had no money of my own and whatever
valuables there were he took. Had to start over!!!! And all I could think was who the hell
would want an old lady. Got involved in AA because Alanon just didn't give ME what I needed. Got myself a job, left and on to the next and the current one.
In each I was the 'old lady' (age wise). Still am. In my current job I don't have enough
bodily digits to count the number 'youngsters' who have made the same remarks. (I'm talking 20-30 yr. olds!) And I laugh (on the inside). They are dumbfounded when I make
remarks that I know who the rapper is singing 'that song'. They have been rendered speechless because I know just enough about motorcycles to be able to 'input' into 'their'
conversations, let alone 'God forbid' at my age I DO KNOW some things about sex. LOL
I couldn't swim until 50. My kids taught me. AH was mystified as he watched me doing laps.
I could probably do my own car repairs if I had the tools. The thing that really makes me
chuckle though is when I'm moving those boxes, side by side with that 20 yr old, and I hear
"This sucks! My back hurts, ect. ect. ect.) And ALL I can think is "God thank you!!!! At my
age this feels soooooo good to be able to........"
Love you guys! You each are an inspiration in your own right. I have learned alot from
all of you. BUT I will correct you on this notion that it sucks to be old!!!! I have a whole
different outlook about life. (thanks, in part, to AA) I'm lovin' this .... 'being old'!
Skateboarding, hmmmm? (Damn no sidewalks or good smoothed paved roads in the country. LOL)

http://www.scarpar.com/

http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/03/scarpar_the_off.html

Scarpar, the Off-Road Skateboard.