Hi Natalie,

Welcome to MIP.

I'm sorry that you can't get to meetings at this time. My meetings are so very important to me. Do you have any contact 'phone numbers from the last time you were in AA? Is there anyone in the Fellowship that you could call? Try getting to some on-line meetings and see if they help.

Please know that you're not on your own. We're all here for you.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Hi Natalie...

Welcome to MIP. And to address your question, like it was said by, lani, we're not stupid, just sick. BIG difference.

And the fact that your here only goes to show that 4 years and 3 months of AA can ruin your drinking. 

You have certainly come to the right place if you can't make a meeting. I'm not sure what you mean by: Location issues and anonymity issues regarding meetings. Are you saying that it is OK for people to know that you are drinking again, but not wanting them to know that you are (or not) going to meetings? If this is too personal just tell me to mind my own business, I have thick skin.

But rest assured, you are welcome here anytime.

OWI? Is that "Operating While Intoxicated"? Just an educated guess here based on two I know: DUI's and DWI's.

Have a great sober day.

Bruce

Thank you all for your replies, I work at the school in special ed. My husband really is a happy drunk, he sticks to beer and works the 3pm-11pm shift so I am passed out by the time he starts in. I stopped going to meetings because women/people talk, even when they are in the program. It is a real complicated story but I will say that I was involved in a accident and received a settlement from a company, this company is big and many of the women in the local fellowship work there. I went from just another good ole person in the fellowship to the one that everyone hated, except a few. The hugs stopped, the conversations stopped and what hurt more then the rude comments is that when I would reach out to a new commer, the women would interrupted our talking and huddle around pushing me away, as if to protect the new commer from me. Helping others is what kept me coming back. Enough said.  I hope my brief story makes some sence. My sponsor dumped me. There was only a few gals in the fellowship who stood by me. I stopped going to meetings.
I will check into someone line meetings and go from there.
Thanks again all for your replies.

-- Edited by Greer Ruby at 18:33, 2008-10-16

StPeteDean wrote:

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sounds like it's time for a new meeting.

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Sounds like it is time for a new fellowship, town and county.
Trust me I have being trying to get this figured out.  Where to go, drive to the city 3x a week, end up in the hood lost in the dark.  Move?  I don't know?  But I do have faith that the answers will come to me when my own house is in order. 

matay wrote:

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Oh my!  I'm shaking my head in disbelief here.  But I guess it does take all kinds to make up this world.

Sounds like people are passing judgements unfairly, none of us are saints, and a relapse is not uncommon in the rooms of AA.

Hang in there Natalie, something good will happen if you want it bad enough. And this old dog won't pass judgement on you. How could I after the things that showed up in my 4th Step.

If nothing else, you found us here, keep coming back. OK?

Chimo!
Bruce

EDIT: Just noticed this.... (again)

There was only a few gals in the fellowship who stood by me.
Why not try and start a new meeting with these ladies? Or at least keep in touch with them.

-- Edited by matay at 19:56, 2008-10-16

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I am in contact with these two ladies.  They still go to meetings and understand why I no longer go.  At one point I started passing judgement on them.... If they really cared they would go with me to meetings in the city, after rethinking it I  realize that they are very busy with jobs, family and meetings.
They know I am drinking.  We are on the up and up. (at least I am) I can call them anytime but in all reality they have no solution either.  At first they told me to stand my ground and don't let them win, but the venom was too thick I had to stop attending all meetings.  My dear friends now admit that I was clearly bullied.
My fantasy in life is to become sober again, and be a surprise speaker at one of their yearly rallies.  With all the big dogs there and share my experience strength and hope, looking each and everyone of them directly in their eyes. 

hey Doll,

I hear ya, but the lady does live in a small town with some small minded people. I've never experienced something like that thankfully. Looks like she is trying to get back in the program.

Welcome to MIP, Natalie. You've made a great beginning coming here with your honesty & willingness to admit your alcohol problem again. Keep your openmind & I'm glad you're in touch with those lady friends you already made in the fellowship. You're taking tentative steps towards the strength you had in sobriety & that will return to you after coming back awhile once more. Being here at MIP is a fantastic help too I find & it supports me in learning new ways to live. Your humility in letting go of your old ways of dealing with things are setting you in good stead & I believe you'll find your way into doing whatever it takes for yourself. Your courage will grow & is growing already.

People can be difficult to deal with in every walk of life & just because some come to AA, that doesn't make them perfect either. There's a lot of sick people around & I include myself in that. I'm sorry you've had some negative experiences in your dealings. I hope when you get on board with your program you can see where, if any, you've had any part in that. This is one of the hardest or most painful parts in the program for me but ultimately by the same token most rewarding because we know ourselves as the only people we can change & everything else we learn to hand over or hand back if ownership of the problem belongs elsewhere. If you have had any part to play, you can learn from it & move on. This is a program of forgiveness & change after all. It may be that the only part you have played has been to leave yourself vulnerable to very sick people. It's not for me to judge anyone either way & I do not know the whole situation.

It doesn't matter. We are here with you now, in fellowship & support to help each other to stay sober for one day, today & 1Day@aTime. Let's Keep It Simple & begin again here. Every day is a New Day & I have every faith that you will receive as you need as we go. Know you're not alone, Natalie & we are doing this together. Babysteps back into your New Life of Sobriety. Take heart & courage. I'm with you too ~ Daniella x

Doll wrote:

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There is NO way I'd let ANYONE keep me from meetings, keep me from sobriety. If I told my sponsor such drival, she'd shake her head and tell me I was looking for excuses!

Sad.......you're not willing to go to any length.



I pray you make it back before it takes you out.


(((hugs)))

I appreciate your words and TY for the hugs.   I used to go to at least one meeting a day if not two.  I loved MY meetings.  My sponsor who had at the time 18yrs SOB told me she was at risk of having a relapse and needed to stop sponsoring.  I continued going to meetings and searching for a new sponsor. I was approached by a women at a noon meeting who commented on my jacket and stated she wished she could afford something so nice.  Two women one on each side took her outside, the very next day this women shared to  God and everyone that she was sorry for her behaviour the day before that she was working out some anger issues with her sponsor, I couldn't believe my ears?  I was always reminded by old timers that somethings you share at meetings and some just with your sponsor.  My meetings were not working any longer, I would cry all the way home, I don't need to remind anyone of that wonderful feeling we have after a meeting. I feel like all these people who promised me I would never be alone, left me. It was time to stop going for all involved.  I have all the books and many CDs.  I would think one could achieve sobriety without face to face meetings? 
My problem today is I keep picking up drink each night and isolate.
I pray for the urge to drink to be removed as it has been before.  It just hasn't happened yet.  I want nothing more then to have what you have, and I am not talking about wanting your jacket LOL. I want your passion and sobriety.  I did get a prescription for antabuse but haven't gotten it filled.

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Oddly enough, I have a buddy who lives far a way from me who is the last of our small group of guys (the ones who lived, anyhow) who still drinks. We were all hard drinking and drugging teenagers, and we all went our seperate ways somehwere between 20 and 25, one becoming a famous chef and another a rock musician, another like myself just a guy who works a job, a couple more in publishing.

We're all pretty honest with each other about our stuff, and we've all counselled each other on various hardships over the years. In the end one by one we've gotten sober and it became apparent how much the drinking was affecting everything about us, including (ESPECIALLY) the way we were thinking and our decision making process.

Now there is one guy left, and we all love him like a brother, but he's the most tricky and stubborn of all of us, just the best in every aspect but so slippery about playing down his alcoholism. And we all talk every month or so- sometimes more often- and the other day one guy asked me about our still-drinking friend, and I told him that I'm just so tired of hearing him run down the list of inadequacies in his life and blaming all kinds of outside influences and people for the situations he's in. He was involved with the program before I ever stepped foot in the rooms, and I had to call AA for him long distance (4000 miles away) and some kind soul went to take him to the E.R. when he was detoxing really badly, sat with him, offered to get him into rehab and to get him to some meetings. Of course he had excuses for all of these things, why he didn't have time or needed to wait. I remember those excuses falling from my lips and I remember how even I didn't buy them. But they were so easy to say and dealing with stuff seemed so hard.

And so we guys in our various stages of recovery (most pretty well along- upwards of ten years- to date I'm the last stubborn guy from our group to go down fighting, give up the fight and begin letting go of that misery) we are all concerned but we all know that there is nothing we can do to MAKE him take the step and commit to making stuff better, letting that miserable pain go just for one day and working on it just for one day- he has to make that decision all on his own, apparently the hardest part of the whole deal.

He's gone from being on top of the world and nearly famous, pulling down big bucks and being treated like a celebrity to not being able to get a job and losing his family and living from rent check to rent check. Sad- I know exactly how that is- I'm certain a lot of people in here and in the rooms know that one.

So to put things into perspective- here's a guy I've known since I was a small kid and I care for and I have to be sort of callous and let him do his own thing. I understand how the old-timers can be pretty hard-assed about newcomers and the bullsh!t we bring with us, our excuses and ways around stuff that there is no way around.

I'm a firm believer that everyone pays- nobody rides for free. I was a teenage alcoholic and I managed to be super strong and stave off dealing with my stuff for nearly twenty years- but somewhere in there I realized that sooner or later I was going to have to deal with my bullsh!t- the baggage that was behind my alcoholism- and even with that information I danced around getting into the rooms for five years or so, and even now I struggle with the steps.

All I can tell you is that there are people willing to help you if you are willing to help yourself, that the information is out there and the odds of someone getting through it on their own are next to nothing, and that even if I haven't finished dealing with my bullsh!t even halfway, still my life is so incredibly much better just from not drinking. (and let me repeat the analogy that an alcoholic trying to make any decision while still drinking is like someone trying to look at the stars with a telescope set up on a water-bed- you might get a glimpse of what you're looking for here and there, but most of your time will be spent getting ready. Or something like that.)

I'm 43 years old, single and sober. My life is not perfect, I'm not perfect. I can be a real sh!t sometimes and rub people the wrong way- but I'm working on that. But the only thing that is most important for me to be able to make any forward progress is for me to not take a drink. I don't have to like everyone at my meetings (I don't always) and I don't have to like the way things are run (ditto on that too). I don't have to have a sponsor or read the literature or work the steps- but when I stopped drinking all of the other stuff eventually fell into place- it began making sense, and as I progress everything in front of me becomes less scary- call it conditioning, but really it's just all new stuff and the 'less new' it is the less scary it is, for me.

Greer Ruby- if I were in your shoes two years ago I'd probably feel just like you do, and I'd probably struggle with all of it and have a hard time. Today I just go to my meetings and work stuff as best I can, and mostly stay very busy doing stuff that isn't around drinking. And I go to a crapload of meetings, (even though the meetings here have generally been a disappointment for me. I expected more from a big city. My bad for expecting. I'm becoming more involved progressively as I become more familiar and have been around more, and maybe if the meetings are a little more dynamic or something more people might start showing up. Right now Oahu is reminding me of the bowery bum visual I had before I went to my first meetings. I kind of miss my home group I always complained about when I was there. ;) )

Get to meetings and don't take the first drink. Aloha- Toby

-- Edited by TLH at 17:01, 2008-10-18