Hi all: I am slowly approaching ONE year , believe it or not!!!!!! I guess Im posting this because I have a million things I should be doing and dont want to....haha my excuse to sit on my butt a few minutes and have a smoke and another cup of coffee......
The last year has been probably one of the best of my life..Sure Ive had trials and tribulations, moments of thinking I cant do this, wanting a drink, crying and sometimes going completely crazy.......But, today is a great day!
The blessings in my life are incredible! I celebrated 20 years of marriage (miracle in itself!!!) my kids are doing great in school...I start a new job the end of this month, financially not much has changed as far as having more but I am taking care of the reckage of my past! I am actually paying my bills instead of robbing peter.. (those dmn check places!!!) My car will be payed off friday!!!! I am determined to get me a convertible this spring!!!!!! (wouldnt have thought about that in my drinking days b/c the police would have seen me drinking while driving!!!!
I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to a higher power! I have taken my inventory and discovered alot about myself and realized: I can change!
Now it is time to make my amends list...Call me crazy, but am looking forward to sharing where I am at with a few folks and telling them how sorry I am for....asking to borrow money, not showing up when Im supposed to, not being a part of their lives, and the list goes on!!!
Like I said before, I could never have imagined that I would be where I am today. My life was so full of chaos! The bad thing is, when I was in my addiction, life just passed me by....It all seems like a blur!
I spent so much time digging for change to buy that cheap bottle of vodka that just about rotted out my guts and teeth! Driving to different locations to buy my booze so they wouldnt know!!! thats a laugh!!!! My whole day revolved around when I could drink without interfering with the kids or work! Then came the point where I didnt care when or where, I knew I just needed a little sip here or there, even in the am, to get rid of my feelings of guilt or to avoid doing something or thinking of something....The sips turned into more sips and next thing you know...Im buzzed, passing out in the middle of the day, not talking to anyone or doing anything.....
And oh, how I could lie! Lie that I was too sick to go to work, lie that the bills were all taken care of, lie that I would do something with no intention of doing it and mostly lie to myself that everything was fine!!!!! I was good.......
I believe my success lies in the fact that I admitted I was powerless, listened to what was suggessted, shared honestly where I was, worked the steps and went to meetings VERY often!! Today I have people I can actually let myself trust, I have new great friends who are there for me no matter what...My family respects me, Im doing well in my job and I actually like who I am becoming...
AA did it for me, my HP and especially you guys on here. I should reflect back and look at my first posts and see where I was...But, I remember it all to clearly!! What made me think life was ok back then. It was a stinkin mess!!! I am glad I didnt have to hit a total rock bottom and there were still some "yets" to come. I know today, if I go back to that life, those YETS will happen, and fast, and today Im not willing to go there.....
Thanks for letting me share...it feels so good to look back and know that in this short time, things are getting so much better. Its a great life and I wouldnt change a thing!!!!!
Love ya all!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
hi lani, yes my sponsor was a topup drinker, who sipped on port all day long and managed to get through 6 bottles a day, he was a painter, and the port bottle would be sitting inside an empty 10 litre can with the lid sitting loosely on top, as he moved his painters from one house to another, organised colours, and quotes, and purchased the paint etc. according to him no one noticed anything was amiss, except him and his wife of course. 5 years into his sobriety i took him on as a sponsor, when he told me all this, he was still doing the same job without the port, and i became one of his painters, as that was one of my trades too.
Wow Laurie, that sent tingles down my spine!!! The gratitude is so strong and your heartfelt description of your experiences is so powerful. Your year was well earned for sure. I think you have the makings of a great sponsor. Thanks for sharing, that made my day girl!!!
scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Life can be sooooo truly breathtakingly beautiful......if we just allow it to be as it was MEANT to be. In one short year you have found what could not be seen under the guise of alcohol. Your share.....honest and inspiring. May you continue to be blessed!!!!! Wanda
What a fantastic post! Thank you for sharing your journey of recovery with us. You have given me so much to think about on how far I have come since I stopped drinking.
I just love your gratitude and I have the same feeling for AA. It truly has turned my life around. The steps have given me a blueprint for life and I am truly grateful.
(((Hugs)))
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thanks all for your love!! Was this a sign or what!? My sponsor asked me to do a lead the end of the month!!!! Auuuugghhh!!! Told her "NO"...but then said, as I have learned from my sponsor we are supposed to do as we are asked!!! So.....will let you know how it goes!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
