Allow me to introduce myself. I go by Citizluvme. I am 35 years old. I came here today because I decided to turn my life around. Here's my background: I grew up with a mom who abused Alcohol (30 pack every 2 days) and a absent father who not only abused me and my sisters (one older,one younger)but abused drugs. I grew up promising myself that I would NEVER be like them. Flash forward to present day: I'm here because I know I'm abusing alcohol. It started you know just hanging out with a friend and drinking 80oz of beer everyday. I liked how it felt being drunk. A way to escape my everyday sadness. Now I drink,when I'm sad,angry or to try to fit in. I can remember this X-Mas party at work,we were taking shots at the office party. I must've had about 13 shots and then realized I was in wayyyy over my head. I started eating Pepperoni to try to sober up. I got back to my desk and thought I had to go poo. I then threw up so many times in the toilet at work that I swore my insides were going to come out. I thought I put my head down on the toliet for a few moments,but later realized that I was asleep for (some say) 2 hours.

One night I was arguing with my GF of 8 years and decided to get some Rum and Coke. I got hammered and went back to her house. I was so upset that she didn't want to be with me anymore that I threatened to slice my wrist open eith a butcher knife. I had to go to the ER via the ambulance (sp) and had to go into
suicide watch

 When I seperated from my Girlfriend. I was so depressed that one day,before my Nieces sweet 16,I was at a friends house getting drunk. I went over to the party and hammered down a huge shot of 99 Bananas. I got to the party and pretty much embarassed myself. My sisters were crying,my family was concerned. They threw me out of the party and I went back to my friends house. There I stayed on the porch,broke a plastic chair and fell off the porch onto the cement. I ended up vomiting again outside and passed out on the porch, I guess I even peed on myself.

Last night was my tipping point. I went to a party with my GF and had 4 Caronas and 4 Martini's. I didn't know anyone at this party so I felt that I had to drink to "take the edge off". My GF was just making small talk with some guy on a couch and I went and got a martini and plopped down in the middle of them. I became loud and when I noticed that people were put off by me it was already too late. I embarassed myself and my GF. She told me that I always embarass her out in public (I noticed that it's always somewhere that drinks are handy) I know I have a problem and I need to stop. I noticed that I ALWAYS get some beers on Thursday and Friday to get drunk. I sometimes drink before my CSR job so I can handle my night. When I'm sad or upset with my GF I drink. I drink to cope with her family because I don't feel so on edge.
I just want to stop repeating the same things my parents did. I don't want to embarass my GF anymore