Last night's meeting was incredible! It is just odd how things happen when you need them.
Just out of a very toxic relationship - the ending was a great reflection of the entire thing - from beginning to end. It was painful - and I isolated. I have lost a meeting due to the breakup and the desire to never see him again. It was my first meeting and my sponsor goes to it...so hurt by losing it. So now I am in need of new meetings(s) and just dreading it. Didn't even want to go to my home group - just wanted to isolate.
But I went. And it was incredible. We read "The Family Afterward" from the Big Book - and I found it ironic. Being a newcomer in a relationship is hard, especially with a dry drunk. And on the other hand - I had to be grateful - because my daughter supports me 100%. My father stopped by, a man of few words and even fewer outward emotions, when I told him about my breakup - and that is all that was said is "It is over"....his response was: "There is one thing I have learned in my life. You are a wonderful woman and only deserve the best." He said it with such conviction and love. It was incredible.
The older I grow the more I listen to people who don't talk much. ~Germain G. Glien
I shared this at group level and there were tears in the group besides my own. I wanted to hug everyone. It was incredible and I felt SOOOOOOO much better.
It gets even better. I was late - first time. The secretary and coffee person took control of my lit commitment, I had called ahead and asked. This finding new meetings has been weighing heavy on my mind. This group is small, and usually only about 3 women - none of which I have really connected with. I wasn't looking forward to doing this on my own.
There were 4 women there last night that I had never met!! ONE OF THEM WAS A NEWCOMER - FIRST MEETING! So - I received my gift by being able to help someone else, and one of the other women knew a lot about local meetings and is taking me to some. As I talked to the newcomer I looked over and the secretary and coffee person had packed up all the lit for me. I just wanted to cry. I have had so little given to me recently - so little help - that the smallest acts of kindness feels so incredible. They knew I needed to be doing exactly what I was. I still get goosebumps. It is amazing how beat down I have been lately and how warm the light of friendship feels.
At 41 days sober, it felt like the first 30 days were a fight to find serenity - a fight to work my program, with the relationship crowding and controlling everything. Once it was over I was just depressed, no energy to keep doing what I needed to be doing for me. The house is a mess, dishes piled up, no food in the fridge, yard is a mess...all I managed to do was my work - and definitely only did the bare minimum. Last night was EXACTLY what I needed. I am off to a new meeting tonight with my new friend - and finally going to get my 30 day chip next week with another friend. Friends!!! Who knew!!!
As bad as it was. He led me to recovery. And I am eternally grateful.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
HP working in our lives......... I go to meetings sometimes with something particular on my mind, to find that the F2F didn't even touch it, but I needed to hear the message that was presented instead.... Usually my own stuff just dies of neglect!
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Thanks for sharing and Im so glad you are meeting new people and feeling good! It is indeed a miracle how our lives change!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
