Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. Alcoholics Anonymous Page 89
Sponsorship held two surprises for me. First, that my sponsees cared about me. What I had thought was gratitude was more like love. they wanted me to be happy, to grow and remain sober. Knowing how they felt kept me from drinking more than once. Second, I discovered that I was able to love someone else responsibly, with respectful and genuine concern for that persons growth. Before that time, I had thought that my ability to care sincerely about anothers well - being had atrophied from lack of use. To learn that I can love, without greed or anxiety, has been one of the deepest gifts the program has given me. Gratitude for that gift has kept me sober many times.
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I find myself in a situation now that has got me in that "one minute at a time" mode. "Just don't drink"...and everything else will be fine. This too shall pass.
Thinking about the statement "love without strings" and evaluating some of my recent behavior (not sponsee to sponsor related...sorry). I feel I did give love expecting nothing back "for giving it." Although when you are in a intimate, love relationship you hope that love returned along with many other things that make it 100% of two people. Sometimes one gives more than the other - sometimes visa versa.
But I found myself defending what I had given recently - while under attack. And I just had an "ah hah" moment. Instead of defending myself, maybe the answer should have been - "If what I have given is not enough, I am sorry. But I have given all I can give to the best of my ability." Does that sound better? Instead of "I did this, and I did that, and you are ungrateful."
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Thanks for your share, Tlc. It does sound better as a handing over from doing your best & then letting go of the outcome. I am in an intimate relationship with someone who has & is practising the full scope of the Steps. He is giving of himself in that he will constantly self appraise & check his own motives. He doesn't put any of his ego or manipulation onto me & when there has been moments where he has not felt comfortable in himself even when I've not been aware that he feels he's not been his best with me he apologises & says how he will be different & amends his attitude or behaviour.
It's truly refreshing to be with someone who continuously monitors himself using his program & I hope I can honour & return such loving care & action tenfold for the rewards I feel from his efforts. It's a joy to be working in partnership of an adult relationship where we both have & use these tools. Both of us have each other's & our own spiritual growth at heart & it's a great thing to have in common. Neither of us wants to burden the other unnecessarily with selfishness but share re our difficulties with honesty & accountability.
Sobriety truly is a gift & I hope you know in your heart it is worth these difficult times right now. These moments will pass & you'll feel much better in the near future. I've heard it said many times in meetings that quality of sobriety improves & becomes less of a struggle the sooner & more immersed we become in the program, meetings, sponsor, steps, Higher Power, etc. I found this to be true too.
Having quite a high bottom has meant I haven't had the desperation to try harder but I can agree that when I have thrown myself into the program, sobriety has become easier. Our Alcoholic foreFathers pioneered these tools to help those of our nature & even in my arrogance I've often wanted to resist this help. Now, two years on, I'm still sober & getting some of the peace promised from working my program. Carl got it within a year & is a quicker example.
I'm redoing my Step 4 fearlessly & thoroughly & this insight into myself is giving so much clarity on my motives, attitudes & behaviours. Knowing this stuff is so liberating & to be able to share & accept it with another is unburdening too. I couldn't cope with sobriety without this process. The Steps keep me busy. They also give me a better quality of life & I can offer this to share with Carl too. I suppose what I'm saying is that you're right, you can only give to the best of your ability & that ability improves as we grow. My program is helping me to grow. Good luck in all your loving & congrats on another day sober, Daniella x
-- Edited by Sobrietyspell at 23:36, 2008-09-29
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
