So, I can hear the little voice inside my head saying "just let it go, just wait until you actually get there" - but it won't go away and is causing me a little discomfort - so what does it hurt to ask...??? (I am only on step 2 with my sponsor)
And - I know my sponsor is the appropriate person to ask - but I REALLY like the concept of this forum of getting feedback from many people.
AND...most importantly....if this subject matter doesn't belong here - just let me know and I won't bring it up again, and sorry if it offends or triggers anyone.
So - only one thing that is rattling around my head, wrapped in fear around step 4. How far do you have to go back in step 4? There are resentments from my childhood - that yes - will be extremely painful - I am willing to visit - I am even willing to tell another human being. But as an innocent child I don't see "my part" and feel there are no amends to do - and REALLY don't want to visit those with any of my friends and family that were involved.
That is my only seed of doubt and reluctance to do step 4. I need to visit them - possibly not with my AA sponsor - but an abuse counselor - but to change my sex behavior and avoid making the same amends around my sexual behavior for the rest of my life, I need to go there - no matter how painful.
So, I guess the first simple question is - am I going to visit those things with my sponsor - AND - do I need to take any action on them?
Thanks.
tlc
__________________
__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
My E,S & H: I do not mean this as a "flippant" answer to your question, since I too, experienced anxiety the first time through the steps wondering especially about Steps 4, 5 and 9. My first sponsor told me: "the power and guidance to take each step will come when you have completed each of the steps preceding it." In order to have any level of peace and serenity, I must stay focused on precisely where I am, doing what's directly in front of me to do.
When I did my 4th step I had to go back to some things that happened during my childhood because they were still fresh in my mind, even though they happen 30 years ago. If I didn't re-visit those things I wouldn't have received the true blessings that our BB talks about, that feeling of being at perfect peace and ease.
I like what BGG said, "the power and guidance to take each step will come when you have completed each of the steps preceding it." I think that's why the steps are in a certain order. Your HP will guide you and you will know what to write on your eventory when you do the step.
i would go along with what bgg said, dont jump the gun, as they say here in australia, take one step at a time. get to know your sponsor, and also know that a sponsor in AA is as trustworthy as a pastor or a minister in a church is supposed to be. so any imformation about peoples lives shared is not remembered, all sponsors know that if they declare anyones info shared in private to others, they are a marked man, or woman, they would never be trusted as a sponsor again, so you can be rest assured that when the time comes, you will be able to do number 4 and 5 with more confidence than your able to wrap your brain around with now.people have tried to do the steps out of order in the past and knot succeed, so keep it simple and just listen to the elders, they will not lead you down the wrong path, cheers from south australia, peter.
some good advice here, as to having faith that you'll know what to do and have the courage to do it, when you get to that step. It is a one day at a time, one step at a time program. we all have a problem (anxiety) with regards to the future, which of course is a lack of faith (fear=lack of faith). It's this "letting go, and letting our higher power <God> handle what we can't. We certainly can't handle the future (today) and we waste so much time and energy trying, along with being paralyzed in the present. So don't obsess about the how and when, just concentrate on the why. We also let our past intimidate us. We let it define our perception of our day to
As far as your specific question, imo I would focus my 4th step on my drinking (and closely related predrinking) history. For the serious childhood abuse issues, I'd discuss them with your sponsor generically, and seek a counselor experienced in dysfunctional family (chances are one of your parents was an addict/alcoholic) to work out those issues with. I wouldn't go digging in that pit in early sobiety and would recommend waiting to you had a year or so and were comfortable with and had a tight AA program. Help this helps.
I remember when I did step 4, I was excited and enthusiastic but at the same time, scared of what I would find out and how I would be affected by it. What helped me most is finding out what exactly step 4 was supposed to accomplish for me and how it fit in with the other steps. Once I wrapped my head around that, I felt more at ease, which in turn, allowed me to be totally thorough in the step. I have a pile of excellent material (guides etc) that I use if you need anything like that. Feel free to IM me for the website if you want, all free for the taking.
Scott
__________________
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
