The Steps. Are they necessary?
or: My Early Days in AA

Since I'm relatively new here, I thought I'd share a bit of my early days in AA. rather than what it was like before that.  Well, OK really quick:

I drank A LOT, I got drunk A LOT, I got into trouble A LOT, I drove my car drunk A LOT (thank God I didn't kill anyone) and the rest, I'll bet, is very similar to yours - for 19 years!

When I went to my first AA meeting, I'm sure my head was revolving a full 360° with each step from the car to the door. "My God what if someone sees me!" Then I get inside, "OMG! People! Quick where do I hide!!!!" I was 4 months sober on my own, "dry" by AA terms, and one angry, chompin' at the bit, bull in a china shop, let me tell you.

The room was set up with rows of chairs, me and my friend who brought me sat near the back. "OK, now what?"  "We sit, we listen." OK, I can do that. The meeting started, the speaker was introduced and the more he talked the angrier I got. "Damn my friend! This guy up there telling everyone what an a-hole I am." Squirming, uncomfortable anger!! And when it was over I told my friend just what I thought, telling that guy all about me. That's when the laughter started, "I didn't say a thing, you were just identifying with him." "YEA! RIGHT! Go  to hell!"

The following week I was at the same place, same time, same friend. This time my head only did 90° sweeps looking for someone who might recognize me as we walked in. The chairs were placed around a large table. "Hey, what's this?" "Oh, tonight we all get to talk!"

I don't think so! NOT this kid, I grabbed a Reader's Digest and went to an old couch along the wall near a corner. And there I stayed for an hour pretending to read, but listening. When the meeting was over a man came over and asked what I thought of the meeting. "Nothing really, I was reading.", holding out the book. "Sure you were!" he said, tapping the Reader's Digest in my hand and I looked down as he walked away.

I immediately started cursing and swearing at myself. There in my hand was the Reader's Digest, upside down, my thump inside the spine holding it open. {Ture story, honest to God.} DAMN!! How could I be so stupid. I was still feeling like a real idiot when we left and just outside the door, that same man, touched my arm and said, "See you next week OK?" "Yea, sure!", I blushed.

My first two meetings at AA and I was a total disaster. Well, before the week was out I went to my third AA meeting, it was closer to home, and I went alone. I walked in a few minutes before the meeting started, "OH GOD!, chairs around a big table." People started to sit, a man came over to me, "Hi, I'm Ed, you're new here right." "Ummmmm, yea, what do I do?" "Come sit with me."

So there I am, my third AA meeting and I knew I would have to speak. After the opening, the chairman asked every one to introduce themselves. It started on the far side of the table, and by the time it got to me I was terror struck, but I managed to squeak out that I was Bruce and an alcoholic, and burst into tears as I told them that that was the first time I'd ever said that out loud. Ed put his arm over my shoulders and told me to take all the time I needed, we can wait, he said. And the room was absolutely quite, calmly waiting for me. It took a few minutes before I could apologize for my crying but as I explained it was very hard for me to accept that I had become what I most hated in the world. I had become my father!

What happened next was something I'll never forget as long as I live. Everyone was telling me, it's OK, you're in the right place, you're welcome here, don't worry about it, this is where you belong. It felt so strange, total strangers welcoming me. People who knew me use to leave the bars if I came in, and these people are welcoming me like a long lost brother.

When the meeting was over Ed asked me if I belonged to a group yet. "No I don't." "OK, why not join this one, it's my home group." "Sure, OK why not it's close to home." So he took me to the chairman who asked me for my name and date of my last drink. "Bruce and I don't know when my last drink was but it was in January." With that Ed said to pick the 15th, that way you have a 50-50 chance of being right. So on May 14, 1986 I became Bruce M: 15 Jan 86 of The Plug-in-the-Jug Group and Ed W. became my sponsor for the next few years. And let me tell you, he had no idea what a job that was going to be either.

You see, I was special! Everyone hears it: Do the Steps. If you want what we have do what we did! BULL!! Is what those were. Who actually did Steps 4 through 9. Come on get real! I knew who I was, that was enough for me. I don't need those steps, as I'm sure most of the people in these rooms didn't do them. It's just lip service.

Oh how wrong I was....

If you are interested, I'll post a Part II.

Have a sober day.
Bruce