I recently wrote my ex and am wondering if I did the right thing? My drinking career involved this very chaotic relationship that ended very badly during one of my last drunks.
no contact whatsoever - he uses silence as a weapon - He was/is very active and in deniel. I haven't spoken to him in two years. We have IMed since them but the last one almost a year ago. very hurtful messages...
He knows i got sober but that's about it. like i said, communication is dead. Part of the many probs we had when we were together. He apparently is with someone who can handle her booze, not like me.
Anyway, that was two years ago. I have moved on but recently have found that I can't get him out of my head!
i've tried so many times to let it go to no success. part of it is worrying about his health - which was failing two years ago, also frustration. I know about survivor's guilt.
Finally, i wrote him. no answer yet - he may never even see it - I don't know. there really was no closure - he apparently has moved on with a new person in his life - that hurt - but really, right now, I want to know he's alive. I'm really worrying.
After writing him, I felt a great sense of relief after that. I needed to take action with this feeling. Took me two years! My perspective is slow beginning to feel better now, i don't understand it, but it works!
Is it an addiction to him? maybe....did i do the right thing?
There are many people from the past that Ive been emotionally involved with.....and they have all moved on.
Often wonder how they are doing..and if they are ok....and would like to get in touch with a few...to find out.
However....
This big voice in my head says to let it go..:)
Never was great at letting anything go....always a few "What Ifs" running around....and those "Trying to hang on to things that have allready gone "Poof"
Drive On Gal!! Good to hear from you.
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
The last thing you need to worry about is someone who gave up on you. If you have moved on, stay there, your goal is to go forwards, not backwards. You are in a much better place.
You did what you felt you needed to do. He can do what he wants with it. His lack of response should speak volumes to you. Don't keep beating yourself up on something you cannot change. Press the pause or stop button on those scenario's that keep playing out inside your head.
I am in the exact same spot you are experiencing right now. And you know what ? Not having an e-mail response from someone is a lot easier to bear than the torture of an unhappy relationship, and the imaginary comfort we found in the bottle of choice. I wrote her ( the ex) an e-mail 4 days ago asking if I can have my son for a few extra hours Sunday morning, and I still have no answer. That's her issue, and I refuse to become a part of it, so I carry on. Maybe now is not the time to ask for something extra. Maybe something a little better is just around the corner ?
Maybe this part of your life has been really closed for you, and you aren't supposed to re-visit, or re-open it. Taking from Phil, can you really hang onto something that has gone 'poof' ? I hope my disjointed thoughts help you to some degree.
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I'm proud to say I am an Alcoholic, and my name is Scott.
If the plan for me is divinely inspired, no man shall find fault with where I am today, or how I got here.
Boy can I understand how you're. I have been having difficulty with my break up. It will be 2 years in jan. i miss and think about him everyday. He is the A. I am the Al-Anon. He is still drinking and smoking pot. I broke up with him, he moved on 6 months after I broke up with him. He can't be alone, I am not sure he is with the same person or not. He goes thru women like he goes thru whisky. He is a good guy .... he treats women very good. no abuse at all. I am not sure if he treats women so well so they don't leave him due to his drinking/pot smoking. He needs to have a women in his life. He isolates with his friends so that he can drink the way he wants to without them noticing.
Anyway I miss him very much and feel sometimes that i made a mistake. That is what my head tells me. He was the first guy that made me feel special. I know I must move on and try everyday. I had several dates, I wish that he would go get help that realize what we had. We never fought and respected each other and did things for each other to show our love.
I really hate this diease so much
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With God all things are possible. God Bless all of you
Maybe time to move on, CAM. I held on to a lost love for well over 2 years in recovery, and it did not help me at all. My mind played tricks on me and told me this guy was a lot better for me than he really was. Time to let go. I used my sponsor to help me see the thing for what it really was, and she helped me to let go for good.
((((hugs)))) Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
My missed loved one is not an ex it is my daughter. For years and years I have been trying to get her to respond to me to no avail. Recently I was told some valuable info. My problem is not just the fact she doesnt respond the REAL problem is I write her with expectations. Expectations is what causes the most pain. Now I write her with no expectations of a return response. It still hurts that she wont contact me but it is a lot less. Acceptance is the key to all my problems,,,,,,,,ect. ect. ect. Allison
It's easy to romanticize a past love.....I have a built in forgeter and being away from that person I tend to only remember the 'good'. When I talk it over with my sponsor she reminds me of why we parted. She actually told me to write these things down and when I think of him, get that ache and miss him to read the list! It has helped....Although time does take time I have found that grieving, letting go and moving on can be accomplished.
When I posted about my John not so long ago I got some great feedback. Some it from the guys here, reassuring me I don't have to settle and I deserve so much better. And so do you!
You are in my prayers, sweetie. That this pain will be lifted from you.
BIG (((hug))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
