That after an A does rotten things to their loved ones they think that saying "I'm sorry" makes up for everything? Saying "I'm sorry" may help the A, but what about everyone they've been rotten to and hurt along the way. Actions speak louder than words.
Please explain to me when it is acceptable to forgive an A when they simply say "I'm sorry". And also why does the A thinks those 2 words make everything ok.
If a recovering alcoholic sincerely says... to loved ones....from the heart...that they are truly sorry for, for yesterdays hurt and pain...that theyve caused?
Theres not much else they can do about yesterdays...cant change what happened.
They CAN however...
Not repeat the actions of the past..and try....one day at a time..
To become a better human being...
Through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
When there are loved ones involved?
Alanon is a great Sister program.
I remember being sober a number of days....and asking my wife...at the time...if she would like to go to Alanon, and open aa meetings.
Her response was " Im not the sick one..YOU ARE!!"
My opinion on that one today?
She was more Looney Toons Then I Was
I KNOW that I contributed to that tho...:)
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
Hi Confused, What I've learned about this disease........ The alcoholic may truly feel remorse for his/her actions. It is what they do about the behavior to modify or correct it, as well as what they are doing to cope with the disease itself. Most diseases left alone will advance and eat away at their host victims and gradually the effects will take their toll upon the body and/or mind. Alcoholism is no different. There are glimpses of remissions in alot of diseases, such is the case of being sorrowful by an alcoholic. Those coping with this disease in another should be cautious, however, when no steps are taken to subdue/cope with the disease itself by the diseased. The likelyhood of future incidents is emminent. That is where ALANON can be benenficial to those loved ones and friends. ALANON can teach what actions and speech can be taken to cope with another's disease while lifting that emotion of feeling like a doormat. Immersing oneself in all available literature about the disease both the physical and emotional side of it is as well beneficial. (Many bookstores have some great books on the subject as does the web. ALANON can provide one with many or where to find them, as well.) I walked the path you walk currently. Thanks to AA/ALANON I am stronger and wiser. Keeping you in thoughts.
Well, for this "A" I always meant it when I said "I'm sorry." I really did, but until I got into some good recovery, I was doomed to repeat whatever I said I'm sorry for.... I'd highly suggest Al-Anon............Hang in there.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I am very active in Alanon but some things just dont make sense to me. I realize that alcoholism is a disease, but I think that people also need to think before they do things. And when they choose to do the wrong things, they need to accept the consequences. Just because someone drinks or uses drugs and does/says rotten things to their loved ones it isnt acceptable regardless of whether or not they are an addict. My hardest part of this whole thing is understanding how its alright for an A to be rotten and then think by saying "I'm sorry" it makes everything ok.
I have talked to my A. He always says he's sorry and doesnt understand that although I appreciate his apologies, it doesnt make my situation any better. Sometimes I just feel like a doormat.
If the recovering A is still behaving in negative abusive ways..after getting sober...then SHAME ON HIM.
IF he is trying to become a better person? Then..THATS GREAT!!
If he has to keep repeating, that he is sorry for the past? He shouldnt have to.
My question now would be...
Why are you hanging on to all this stuff from yesterday?
True...one doesnt forget...but we try to leave it in the past...and not use it as a revenge tool to get back at those in recovery....playing the blame game..OR hang on to it all...just in case we need to use it for a whip..at some point.
Why does a practicing alcoholic hurt those around them that they love?
Because they are sick...sick..sick...
Even tho one is responible for ones actions...they are certainly not intentional...while in the throes of alcoholism.
Alanon...and the great people that attend...will help you with all this...plus a Good Alanon sponsor.
There are parts of the BIG BOOK, that might help also.
-- Edited by Phil at 20:44, 2008-09-10
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Live each day as if it were your last...because tomorrow?
It might be.
To answer your question, I'm not hanging onto all this stuff from yesterday. It just makes no sense to me. I have moved on, away from him for the most part. He does still contact me once in a while though, by phone. Sometimes he's say hurtful things on the phone and then 20 minutes later he'll call to apologize. My question is, why dont people think before they speak or do things that are hurtful?
Phil wrote:
My question now would be...
Why are you hanging on to all this stuff from yesterday?
As for your question: Do you always 'think' before you speak? Have you never made a mistake? Have you never 'hurt' someone?
As a matter of fact, I usually do 'think' before I speak. Of course no one is perfect, but normally a person learns from their mistakes and shouldnt make the same mistake twice especially if you've hurt someone.
As for your question: Do you always 'think' before you speak? Have you never made a mistake? Have you never 'hurt' someone?
As a matter of fact, I usually do 'think' before I speak. Of course no one is perfect, but normally a person learns from their mistakes and shouldnt make the same mistake twice especially if you've hurt someone.
Wow! I wanna be like you when I grow up! Kewl!
For most of us it's progress and some of us even tend to digress from time to time.... A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from others mistakes .........I'll say it again, quit answering the friggin' phone! Rock on!
-- Edited by Doll at 11:39, 2008-09-11
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
As a freshly sober alcoholic who has treated apologizing as an artistic talent to be diligently practiced and improved upon, it been my lifes work actually, allow me to give you my perspective on when you can believe and trust in the sincerity of our tearful, heart string tugging alcoholic apologies...N-E-V-E-R. In my humble expert opinion one of the common afflictions or symptoms shared by alcoholics is intense self-centeredness. If we're saying sorry (or anything else for that matter) it's for no other purpose than to relive us of our guilt/pain or to facilitate the fulfillment of our wants needs or desires. Words are empty...it's actions that count baby ;)
Hi Confused, If a person apologizes for themselves then it does not mean anything and we can feel that but if they do it truly for the injured party then along with actions that is what can make all the difference in the world.
I hope you get a true apology soon. God bless Rosie
