Hello A.A. Family:

I just wanted to check in, and share some E, S & H.  It was on this day (Friday before Labor Day) two years ago, that I finally surrendered again.  Here's what happened to me:

I got sober through A.A. on July 10, 1986 at the age of 24.  I was completely bankrupt at that time in all areas: college dropout, lost the job, lost the apartment, car repossessed, boyfriend gone, depressed, despondent, bordering on suicidal.  I went into a 21 day treatment program, and that program exposed me to A.A.  After my "release" from treatment, I found a home group, got a sponsor, began working with my sponsor through the 12 steps, went to lots of meetings, got meeting commitments (making coffee, clean up, etc.).  My entire life turned around.  I achieved some peace of mind, at times true serenity, got a host of new friends, got a job, etc. 

At about 18 months sober, I went back to college, completed college in about a year and a half, and went to law school.  Graduated law school, passed the bar, got a "high-powered" big law firm job, eventually made it to partnership at my firm.  Throughout this time, I pretty consistently continued doing the same things I had been taught from the beginning in A.A.:  go to meetings, work the Steps, reach out and try to help others.  Life was absolutely wonderful.

Somewhere around 16 years sober, I gradually stopped going to meetings.  At first, it was just missing a meeting here and there, then I could "comfortably" go a whole week without a meeting, then it became a month, then several months.  During this time, I was working a lot, and travelling frequently on business.  I'd sort of keep in touch with A.A. through sporadic phone calls and an occasional visit with women I sponsored.  During none of this time did I think about drinking, or really even consider taking a drink would ever be a possibility.

Then, the day came, "not a cloud on the horizon," about 3 weeks before 18 years sober, and I was at a school reunion dinner party. One of my classmates came over to the table with a bottle of red wine and a bottle of white and asked, "which would you like?"  Out of nowhere, I replied: "What's the entree?"  To this day, other than referring to the "cunning, baffling, and powerful" nature of alcoholism, I can't explain that question.  When I had gotten sober at 24 years old, I was not drinking any brand of wine that could be classified as going good with any particular food (I preferred the screw cap bottles)   But, the next thing I knew, I had taken the first sip.  I immediately thought "Oh My God !!! I've blown 18 years sober!"  My next thought was, "It was only a sip, no one will know, you can still celebrate your sobriety birthday."  My next thought was, "well, if they don't know about the sip, they won't know about the glass . . ." 

And, there began my plummet back down into the insidious disease of active alcoholism.  At various times over the next two years, I wanted to come back to A.A., but my pride and my ego would not allow me to come back and raise my hand as a newcomer.

And, then, the Friday before the Labor Day weekend, 2006, I was watching a program on "20/20,"  drinking wine, as usual, all by myself.  The 20/20 program contained a segment about a woman who had been a member of A.A. and left A.A. to start some sort of moderate drinking program.  Her story ended with a drunk driving car crash resulting in the deaths of two people, and her subsequent imprisonment on manslaughter charges.  As I sat there, drinking, with tears running down my cheeks, God spoke to me in a nearly deafening voice:  "This is where you are heading."  I prayed to God immediately and asked him to give me the courage to come back to A.A. since I knew that would be the only way out.  I then called the three A.A. members I was still sponsoring (no one knew I had relapsed), told them that I had been drinking for two years, and that I needed their help to get back to A.A.  The next day, one of those women walked with me back into the rooms of A.A., and as we say, "since that day, I have not had a drink, one day at a time."

It has not been an easy road getting sober this time, in fact, so much harder than the first.  But, I have some very valuable experience that hopefully can help newcomers, in-betweeners, and oldtimers:  As the Big Book says after Step Nine, it is easy to let up on the Program and rest on our laurels.  But, it is also very dangerous, because alcohol is a subtle foe.

I am sober today only by God's grace, and I am truly blessed to have made it back to A.A.  I love you all.

--BGG

-- Edited by BGG at 15:21, 2008-08-29