Hi, im absolutely shattered tonight, ive been at my sponsors for 10 hours today working on my steps 4 and 5 and since I have been home I have sat here and thought of all the miracles that have happened in my life since coming back into the fellowship and working hard at my programme.
I remember sitting at a meeting in the very early days and sharing that I was going to struggle finding a sponsor because I just didnt trust women due to what had been done to me by my mother for 37 years of my life. There was a lady sat in these meetings who I used to think was rather stand offish, this lady is now my sponsor and I would trust her with my life. I never thought I would be able to be TOTALLY honest with anybody and I have. She tells it me as it is and doesnt pussyfoot around me and I respect her for that. My worst fear about step 4 and 5 was concerning my mum and how could I possibly find my part in it but today I did. Thats 2 miracles. Trusting a woman and finding my own part in a very dysfunctional relationship.
My head is all over the place tonight but I neither want or need a drink and that too is a miracle.
I felt so good after doing my 4-5 and was amazed at how comforting it was to share my past with someone! My sponsor went through alot of the same things I did and shared some secrets of hers with me. I teased her and told her "youre sicker than me, I dont think I really need to be here!!!! hahahaha"
Good job on working the steps! Keeps this girl sober!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
good job KLT. it's going to be real different from now on. trust that that is all in your past now and you've started a new chapter in your life where the "old rules" do apply and won't hold you back any longer.
I remember how I felt when I had done my steps 4 and 5. I found that the fear of doing them was actually worse than doing them. And, to my amazement, my sponsor had been through a lot of what I had. It helped to form an even stronger bond between us.
Today, I can trust other people and other people can trust me. Life's good.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
