Hi all. Earlier this year, I began a process of detoxing relationships that are toxic and exhausting. I even did this with family...but not in a harsh way. I have began to meet new people and surround myself with them. Today, old friends were having a party---a large party with bands etc. I was thinking about going for a bit early in theday to say hello. But hen kids aren't allowed. So that told me "screw it." Anyhow, I get to hear about these people on and off. I got to thinking, they too are in pain or something--like myself. Anyhow, my husband ended up going. He drank some beers before hand to see if he felt like going. Remember doing that?? Anyhow, it is no place for me and I am totally ok with it. I am really tired of my kids though. I need a mental break from them. NO NOISE--NO COMMOTION---Just me! I missed my meeting last night due to feeling under the weather. However, I will make my ACA tomorrow --unless I get to feeling more sick. Anyhow, even though I am feeling yucky-life is good. The way I am feeling now reminds me of a hangover but not self induced!! Getting back to friendships---I have a couple of other friends that I am detoxing too. One, is my boating buddy. I have decided that I associate drinking with her ont he boat every summertime and have decided to rid of this relationship (of course not in a mean way). The other, is a gal who actually doesn't drink, but only calls me when summer rolls around for her own selfish needs. I have also thought, the only reason I call them is when I am bored--so I too have my own agenda. My therpapist said that this is common when people are in recovery. In the past I have felt lonely...and I am sure int he future I will too-but for now, I am getting to know me and roll with the real me. I am kind of a pain the butt too! Thanks for listening.
Changing playmates and playgrounds does work. It wasn't until I cut those kinds of people completely out of my life (some in a MEAN way cause they wouldn't take the hint) that I started to get to know me. And I've actually started to like me. The hardest was my b/f of 5 years. He's a good man with a good heart, but he was perfectly happy with us just dating forever. In sobriety and recovery I've been given the desire to have more. Maybe some day even get married again. I learned that even with all his 'goodness' the relationship was toxic to me and resentments were starting. Since resentment is the #1 offender, it was time to let him go........
Good for you, girl, good for you. You just keep on keeping on and life will just keep getting better
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Surfergirl, I was thinking of toxic relationships and realize that when I drink I would associate with people who I never would if I am sober. I feel we do not realize how bad we feel dealing with toxic relationships.
This past summer a woman showed up on my doorstep who I had not seen for a about four yrs. or more. At the time I had been dealing with people who were working on themselves to be stronger and even as they struggled they would find healthy ways to overcome.
And to go from being used to them to this woman who just did not give a darn about anything was very sickening.
I had been drinking off and on but was struggling to stay sober and taking care of myself. And she came along and would just show up drunk and asking for favors. I drank with her but the next day I would see such a difference in her and in my other friends and it made me sick.
Plus I had worked hard for over a year not to deal with people like her. So it really felt very toxic and uncomfortable. I just was not the same and into it.
So a few weeks ago I told her that I was busy and if she wanted to work on cleaning up her act I would support her. And that I would not lend her money ever again and she could not hang out at my home.
You are doing the right thing to get rid of those people. You are on a great track!
Doll, You deserve the whole ballgame in a relationship and not someone who is taking advantage of you. Good for you! God bless you both Rosie
Nice to hear everyone is getting healthier and loving themselves enough to just let go of people, places that just arent healthy for us! Im surprizing myself by rekindling old "good" relationships so it can work both ways!!! GIRLS ROCK!!! lol
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hubby came home drunk....I wasn't mad or anything. That is a first. I did make sure both kids were in my bed though...the smell is not too appealing!! Anyhow, he had fun. It used to be that I would have been jealous of not going to a party or thought I had missed out. Now he is hungover and I am going shopping!! bye all
Hi Surfergirl, I do not think of drinking as fun. And the hangover is no fun either. Doesn't it feel good that you can go out shopping and do something that is real fun and you will have something to show for it instead of a hangover.
I know for me I had a wonderful day with my Mom and Step Dad and we went to see my sister and her husband and spoke to one of our other sisiters on the phone about the upcoming wedding next weekend.
We then went back to my Moms house and looked at photos. And had a beautiful time. I drove home listening to nice old tunes and have eaten a nice small meal and my son just got here and he and I are just relaxing with nice conversation.
He is watching something on TV right now and I am posting but we will hang out for a bit more tonight. Nice day and no hangover coming for tomorrow.
It is all good. Seeing others drunk reminds me I do not want to look or feel that way ever again. I hope you had a nice shopping trip Take care Rosie
Yes...I agree. I feel like I am over it for the moment. I went to my ACA meeting today and we talked about boundaries. It was a great topic. Boundaries..or lack thereof, is a big trigger for me. so I am working on this along with working on re-establishing healthy relationships. Anyhow, my sponsor went with me to the meeting and she loved it. She is great. I expressed to her that I am not ready to totally come out yet. She said, that means you are still wanting the drink. We had a healthy conversation about this. At the moment I do not want to drink...but who knows about tomorrow. Anyhhow, she got me a thinkin!! Thanks
Hi Surfergirl, Do you want to post why you do not want to come out? It may help you sort it out if you do.
I know by not admitting that I am an alcoholic keeps me in a frame that says it is okay to drink. And slow but sure I go back out. Now I am getting down and I feel stronger by admitting it.
It is what it is for me and I feel proud to say I am an alcoholic because I feel that because of my disease I appreciate life more. All those days of hangovers and lonely nights while I drank with no connection to others and especially to myself I appreciate now being sober and feeling my life.
My dis-ease helps make me appreciate good health and well being. So I acknowledge it with pride now.
I feel you are aware and willing to change and now that you have got to that point you can never fully go back to drinking without knowing this. What you are doing and have already learned will be there no matter what.
It kind of puts a nice damper on the drinking scenarios. That is a good thing.
You are doing real good. Keep up the great work. Like I read here it is a process and not an event. Take care Rosie
I am out with some people...but because of my childhood, I am learning to take things slowly. I am comfortable where I am...I guess when I mean come out, I think It is more like it is my business and some of those whom I trust. For example, when i come across people who don't drink, if they are offered, they simply say no thanks, I am fine. If someone persist into asking, then I have watched recovered drinkers, simply state, "I don't Drink becuase I am an Alcoholic" which sums it up for the questionee. For me, I am not ready to say that...I think it stirs up talk that I do not need at the moment in my intense therapy sessions and early recovery. I am ready to "come Out" in subtle ways...just not in a way where attention needs to be drawn to me. I have talked to one of the facilitators of a meeting about this and he said it is common. My comfort zone already has opened immensely--I don't want to sabotage where I am at. It will come in my own way. Today, one our facilitator said, "If you have a relationship with God, you won't drink...he never said to drink!" I liked that. I don't intend on drinking...not now. I know each moment is different. I like where I am going, who I am and the progress I am surely making. I have never been where I am at on this day. Now if I can just surrender food....that will be next! I have definitly put on the Lbs--gheesho. Better than a hangover. I hope that makes some sense....party on!
Why is it that we have to defend why we dont want a drink? My parents rarely drink but when offered something they say no and get a pop or water. Im sure they dont dwell on the fact that they were even asked or think about it! Its our crazy minds working overtime or something!lol
I dont think its necessary to yell to the world were alkies. My new work friends have no idea Im in AA nor do I find it necessary to share that with them. Maybe someday I would share but theres no reason for people not in my family or close to me to know my business. Just let them observe my "person" and leave it at that...
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hi Surfergirl, No I do not mean to tell people in general but I admit it in AA meetings. I NEVER explain myself when I am around others who drink that I am not drinking due to being an alcoholic. I just never have.
I am comfortable and do not worry and never have worried about having to explain anything at all or have a coke or whatever in my hand to divert being asked.
I do not talk about it to anyone except my Mom and AA members who I know. I do not hide it but it is not a topic of conversation unless I am treating it by posting here or when I went to counseling for it etc.
I meant it helps me to do so in meetings of AA and here to say it. You are doing very well Keep up the great work. Rosie
