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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> New Here
Post Info TOPIC: New Here
harley2000


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New Here
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      I just found this site and glad there is a site like this, I had 5 years sobreity and went back out in 2002 and have been out since and it does not get better, it is like I never stopped, picked up where I left off, I am so sick of this addiction and everything that comes with it, I have chased the idea that I can drink socially for 4 years now and there is nothing socially about my drinking, I stopped going to meetings and isolated away from my aa friends and out the door I went, I know this disease is going to kill me or put me in prison if I dont take that 1st step and get help, I am scared, my stinking thinking keeps telling me you had 5 years and went back out , why would now be different, I know that is the addiction thinking, but in my head it is telling me I cant do it, I dont know why I am afraid to go to a meeting, I used to love going to my meetings, but now I am nervous about walking into the room, I really need to get to a meeting today , I can not go on like this any longer, I hate this disease and everything it has brought into my life, I seem to handle most things that come my way, but this is something I cant handle and do not want to go on any longer with this way of life, but I am scared, more now then when I first went into aa, sorry this is so long, I havent opened up to any one about how I feel since I left aa.

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StPeteDean


MIP Old Timer

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Hello Harley,

welcome to the board.  write down on paper, what meeting that you're going to today, and you'll get there.

Dean

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 Gratitude = Happiness!





Jednorozec


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I had over 16 years and thought that I was working a better program than most of the people that I saw at the 1 meeting a week that I was getting to. Then I picked up when my dog was killed by a car and drank for 3 years. It finally got so bad that I called 911 around midnight and asked for a detox. When I got out I had no belief in God and didn't want anything to do with A.A. I was really scared because I didn't know how I was going to stay away from a drink and I certainly didn't want to go back to the hell that I had been in. That night I was amazed to find myself praying and my life has kept getting better since then. At a bit less than 2 years, I think that I have better sobriety than I did at 16 years. That's because I've surrendered completely and am now willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Before I was always holding back just a little.

There are a few people that haven't had a drink since their first A.A. meeting and I really hate listening to them. The people that I have the most respect for are the ones that went out, really hit bottom and are now working a good program.

Put the plug in the jug and do another 90 and 90. Unless you pick a really strange meeting, you will be welcomed back and people will think more of you for having the courage to start again.



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Quetzal


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Hi Harley,

Welcome to MIP. It's good to have you here with us.

Going back out and drinking was something that I did. The last eighteen months of my drinking were the very worst of my life. My drinking completely spiraled out of control and was worse than it had ever been.

But, with the help of my AA meetings and all of my AA friends, I can now stay sober one day at a time.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

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Rosie


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Hi Harley, It has been 8 days since I have not touched a drink today. And this week when I first put it down I have been unsure and shaky but now that I have gotten to feel better and have posted here I feel more confident and know I will be able to get out into the public to get sober also.

I felt like I had lost my strength this past year due to drinking and wondered where I went and where all that I had gained being sober for about 4 yrs went. But it was due to what the alcohol does to my nervous system and self esteem and all the good and healthy things we have.

It just kicks the hec out of it. You are weak from all that and if you just do not pick up you will see all that starting to come back to you. I promise. In just a week I am so much stronger and I am starting to feel that which I thought was lost to me. It was only misplaced.

Hang in there dear soul it will get better. I look forward to getting sober with you. I have many on here who I look forward to getting sober with and being sober with.

Also I had a bad feeling to go out amongst people and almost agoraphobia. So I feel that is par for the course of what drinking does to us. Easy does it and you will be feeling better. Take Care Rosie

-- Edited by Rosie at 09:59, 2008-08-19

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lani


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In my experience, the ones that make it back to the rooms are so very blessed! Im sure its hard to come back but even harder to stay away! Give it a shot! People will be so happy to see you!

You actually help others by sharing what it was like...the same!!!! Nothing changes when we go back out there! The chaos just gets worse!

So go and get a few hugs and handshakes and refill that "hole!!!!"

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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
harley2000


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Thank-u to all who replied, I was going to try and find a meeting today, but the weather is so bad right now, I dont want to go out in it, My group I used to go to is about 30 miles from where I am now, so I have to find where the meetings are around here, I unpacked my big book, dusted it off and am going to do alittle reading, I only have a few hours of sobreity, if weather clears I will try and find meeting today, If not I will read and sleep, Thank-u for being here

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BGG


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Welcome, Harley!!!  I too had nearly 18 years sober, and relapsed in 2004 after I stopped going to meetings and lost contact with A.A.  I've been back and sober for nearly two years now.  It was incredibly difficult to take that first step back into a meeting.  For me, it was the feeling of shame and embarassment since no one knew I had relapsed.  In order to take the first step back, I had to call the three women I was still sponsoring and tell them that I had been drinking two years and that I needed their help to get me back.  The next day, one of them "made me" come to her house and in a few hours we were at a meeting.  It has not been an easy road, but on the other hand, I haven't had a drink again since that first meeting back.  The Program still works.  It worked for you before; it will work again.  But, we have to be willing to surrender.  Most of the people I know who avoided people they knew previously in A.A. and tried going to meetings where no one knew them have been unsuccessful.  I believe that's the result of a failure to develop the necessary humility in order to get and stay sober.  If you still have one or more phone numbers of the sober members you knew before, why don't you try giving one of them a buzz.  Believe me, our thinking is out to get us; you'll find that people are honored and happy that you reached out to them for help.  And, your story will be immensely helpful for those who've been sober a while.  All of us think "It can't happen to me;" but your story -- like mine -- will be a powerful reminder that all any of us have is a daily reprieve, contingent on our spiritual maintenance.  Please keep coming back; we need you. 

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surfergirl


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I needed to read this post....wow! I will make a point of going to my meeting this Friday! Phewy...Glad you are on track. I relapsed and am back on track. I have a sponsor/friend that is all over me as well.! I need that!

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Phil


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Sharon


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  I just wanted to say that you should not be ashamed of relasping. That is part of the diease, I was just at a meeting on Sunday and someone mentioned they relasped and everyone shared after that they had too at sometime in their lives. That's part of this terrible diease. The Sunday meeting that I go to is for both AA and AL-Anon. I am not an alcoholic, but I have the same diease you have the stinking thinking. Anyway please don't be ashamed. Al-Anon people dont' get token because we relapse all the time.

I am learning that most alcoholics are co-dependent first before they ever pick up the drink. So it could have been your co-dependent part of you that relasped.

Does that make sense???

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Sobrietyspell


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Welcome to MIP, Harley. Thankyou for using your courage to post your honesty about where you are. I am new in recovery. Approaching 2yrs 1Day@aTime & I know this disease is only kept at bay by a daily reprieve like BGG says. A relapse can happen to any one of us on any given day. We have to be vigilant & grateful for each day we do stay sober as a granted gift we work for. Today is the most important day & your surrender shows such humility & I admire that greatly. Thankyou for having confidence & love for us in the fellowship to welcome you back. We will. Just as you would & will if it is any one of us. We are us :) Happy Sober Day ~ Just for Today ;) Daniella x

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