I am writing as I am very concerned about my dad, and I am not sure where else to turn to, He is 51 and he has always drank but in the last year or so its gotten worse after losing his job of 30 years a few years ago and then loosing his mother almost a year ago who he took care of after her being Ill with Alzeimers for 5 years, he drinks all the time from the time he gets up in the morning to the time he goes to bed,( and hides it sometimes)
He was recently caught driving under the influence and lost his licence, but says he doesnt have a problem, he wont go to the doctor, he doesnt look good at all, if he doesnt have a drink, his hands shake like crazy, his skin color looks bad, he just looks sick. but he always says there is nothing wrong with him, i find he repeats things over when he tells things to you. He is subborn, and it is putting a tole on his relationship with my mom, they have been together over 30 years and she has told me she has had it, he wont get a job she works 2 jobs to make ends meet.. i live and hour away from them and this bothers me so much I want to do something I want my Dad to live a long live but if he keeps up his way i dont think he will last.
I dont know what to do as He would never go to AA meetings as he says he doesnt have a drinking problem but deep down I know he does.
If there is anything that i can do, i mean i have told my dad i want to have him around for a long time to watch me get married to watch my two boys to grow up with there grandpa as I lost my grandfather at a early age due to him drinking.
IM lost on what to do please help me and direct me in a direction on what i could do something to ease my mind that there is hope for him.
Well that makes about 12 Jenns that we have now. Welcome. Jenn, you can't make him stop but you can avoid helping him drink by NOT driving him to the store or buying booze for him. He needs to suffer the consequences of his drinking so that it can sink in. If he's so stubborn, let him try lonely on top of it. Give him the space he needs to experience misery and desperation so maybe willingness (to do something about his problem) might creep in.
Look into some Alanon meetings for yourself. You'll find all the answers that you're looking for there.
I live an hour away so I dont see my parents as muchas i like but when i do see them, as im totally against it if he asks me for money i dont give it to him, and my mom has done the same, she keeps her money if any locked up due to him going through her purse. he has hit rock bottom and i hope to god he comes out and fights this . My oldest son and him are like a pea & pod when they are together, but im not sure if i should tell him that once he starts to do something about his drinking, i wont let my son go down there, or if thats just wrong to do.
When I was drinking, I didn't want to hear anybody telling me that they thought I had a problem. I knew that I had a problem, but I just wasn't ready to admit it and face it. I honestly don't think that there was anything that anybody could have said or done to make me see that I needed help until I was ready.
Have you tried going to Al Anon? You really will get a lot of help and support from some super people there.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Welcome Jenn: Alanono sounds like great advise. Give it a try and m sure you'll feel some serenity and know you cant change him but you can heal yourself. Maybe meet your mom halfway and find a meeting where you can both go... Best of luck
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
hello jen, my name is peter from south australia, most members as they have already mentioned suggest that you go to alanon meetings, and take your mother with you if you can. alanon meetings will give you and your mother the strength to learn how to rise above the emotional pain that is experienced in these situations. you can starve your father in all sorts of ways from getting booze, and even if he stopped drinking his behaviour wouldnt change he would just be what is known as a dry drunk. and he would still drive your mother up the wall. the damage has already been done and your father doesnt have the ability to reverse it. so your mother will keep suffering anyway. the 12 step programme in alanon as in AA FREES US FROM THE RESENTMENTS OF THE PAST as just one of the healing aspects and that is why members suggest that siblings and spouses should go to ALANON MEETINGS. their is a strengh learned in ALANON that you and your mother have not experienced in life yet and you wont be dissapointed if you go weekly, and listen for the simmilarities not the differences. cheers peter.
