Im meeting with a stubborn malcontent today. He is coming up on a year sober and doesnt do any real step work but goes to a lot of meetings and admits to having a bad attitude and know he cant go on this way. He is misanthropic, self pity filled, angry, rebelious (old punk rocker), and sarcastic as hell. He has been this way for the last 20 years Ive known him too but most of those years were as an active dopefiend alcoholic. I pretty much bullied him into meeting with me today and have bullied him into agreeing to meet me once a week to do program work. Im wondering if any of you have any good experience with dealing with such a person. I think Im up to the task since Ive gone through this kind of thinking myself before but any other help finding the chink in the ego armor would be appreciated.
Hi Baton, I feel people like he acts that way for a payoff and if you pay much attention to it he will use it to do more of the same.
Be there with support and be yourself and by being an example of a sober person in all ways he will either go by example or he will keep being the way he is. It is up to him but you do not have to buy into his BS.
I have seen people like this that like the rise they get and the attention they get from people who try to go over and above the call of duty to get through to them and worry more about them than they do themselves.
He has to do this for himself. He can't be very happy and for me I would not go into his reality and stay safe in yours. If he wants to join you he will. If not then he won't.
Example is a great thing and you do not have to use a whole lot of energy that is needed for your own personal peace.
BR sounds like it's time for him to start working with others. It might inspire him to work the steps so that he'll have something to give away.
I agree with Dean. Get your protegee to work the steps, and make him work them hard. Call his bluff and if he's not putting effort into it, have him finish the work with the thought that he's going to get a quality of life based on the quality of effort he puts into those steps. Explain that he has NOTHING to loose and EVERYTHING to gain. Show him the part that "this separates the boys from the men" and get him busy. I'm sure we can all give you some step work ideas if you need it, and yes....Dean's idea of getting him working with newcommers is a great idea that might spur him to learn something so that he has something to give back.
I have a feeling that there's more than just a rebellous spirit going on though...but nothing that the steps won't work out. I have a feeling that there's a deeper resentment going on (maybe more than one) that cut deep young in life and he's not moved past that yet. I may be wrong...but it's a possibility.
You may be just what he needs to get going on the steps. Wish you the BEST.
Keep us posted how he's doing, would you?
Love & Hugs, Stephanie
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Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you. ~ GOD *****
Why waste your time bullying someone who isn't willing to do whatever it takes to get sober? Let him go out until he hits bottom. Remember, attraction rather than promotion.
Thanks for all your suggestions. I met with him and he responded well. Ive seen him try and do a few things different just in the last few days. Im not rushing him into anything but Im impressed by the last few days. He even had one of those "wow look how God works" type moments when he actually ended up helping someone he was really negative and judgmental towards.
I'm glad you stuck your neck out to help. We all should. Reading about the days of Bill and Bob, where they would house people in Dr. Bob's home and lock them in a room to detox or recover and if the man crawled out the window....they'd go get him and bring him back!! LOL!!
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Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you. ~ GOD *****
