Rate your Night ---------------------------------- One-Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two-Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three-Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke, yet you haven't peed once.
Four- Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five-Star Hangover, (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry but you're not really my type Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight Oh, I just couldn't No one wants to hear me sing Sorry I'm being such a jackass
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
1. Luxembourg 1983. A partner had come out to review the work we had been doing on the collapsed bank. He took us out for a drink. We got playing "Spoof". Everybody in the ring puts a hand in. In the hand can be 2 coins, 1 coin or no coins. Everybody guesses the total number of coins in the ring. Each person then shows their hand and the coins are totalled. The loser is the one who is furthest from the truth. and he buys a round of drinks.
I am very good at spoof and I won the competition. I know I should have let the Partner win in the final but what the hell.
I woke up late for work. The hotel room floor was covered in puke. I had not realised that I had eaten so much. Dashed to work and tried to remain vertical in my desk. There was a curious loud ticking that I had never heard before and I tried to work out what it was and why was it making such an awful noise. I did my best to appear conscious and deep in study, remembering to turn the pages occasionally, even though focussing on the text was impossible.
Mid morning, my phone rings and it is the woman from the hotel. She blasts my ear off. I agree to clean up the puke in my lunch hour.
Cleaning up the vomit is not so bad, and the window cleaning scraper works quite effectively on the thin worn carpet. It was my food so it does not feel too bad scraping it up it my hands and some of it tastes quite nice later in the afternoon when I bite my nails.
Just before it is time to go home I find that the source of the loud ticking is a timer device built into the electric heater. I never heard that ticking before and was never conscious of it again, although if it was very quiet I could just make it out if I tried hard enough.
2. London 1988. My clients are running a Pernod promotion night at Stringfellows Club in the West End. I get invites. The booze is free, the only catch is that they serve Pernod English style i.e. short with no water or with a squirt of black currant.
To be continued got to go to the pub..........
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Back the bid for the Olympics anwhere else but London
I know one place I'm not going to today--THE PUB!! What happened to young soberity, PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS ??? When I came back into AA, I knew I had to change, my playpen, playpals and alot of my play things or continue to the end. If u keep visiting the barber, u will eventually get a hair cut. To drink is to die--sometimes quickly sometimes sloooowly.
