Allison,

You have my love and my prayers. 

Meetings, meetings, meetings....phone lists.....pick up that 1000 pound phone and call someone before you put a drink or a drug in your mouth. 

Consider going inpatient at a hospital that has rehab or a rehab center.

Go to some NA meetings.  Go to some AA meetings.  Reach out for help.

Call for crisis lines help.  Call for someone from NA crisis line to help you.

Get out of the house and away from the pills during the daytime.  Take a ride, take a bus, walk, call for a ride, but get away from the pills!

Get a sponsor and follow their suggestions.

Meanwhile, know you are loved.

Love & Hugs,
Stephanie

-- Edited by Returned_Here at 20:47, 2008-07-29

Purposely overdosed? .......... Maybe it is time for you to look into some inpatient treatment? ... just a thought.


Of course you're loved, Hun, and you're not alone.


(((((hugs))))

Jen

Allison,
Opened arms here, sweety. My 2 cents......
Though I'm not much of a drinker, alcohol HAS profoundly effected my life! My AH whomI can remember being sober a few days of our marriage has a problem. As the disease escalated, so did emotions. He once 'considered' an outpatient program and asked what I thought. Replied, "I will support you anyway I can." It never came to fruitation. Slowly it robbed of health, emotions, and loving attitudes. I begged, pleaded, ect. (I now fully understand he had to do it for him and make that choice himself.) We found ourselves in a big whirlwind of financial problems that strained the marriage to the point of separation. (HIS choice.)
I learned he was finding solace not only with alcohol but with another. I was emotionally
a wreck which in turn was making me physically sick. I went to my long time family doctor
and asked for something to 'help settle the nerves' because there were 3 children at home
(two preteen/one teen) who needed me. I could not function in the state I was in..........so I thought!!!!!
He gave me Zoloft. Three days of ingesting that stuff and I awoke one night to a 'nature
call'. I was paralzed! I could not move any part of my body except my eyes. OMG!!!!!!
I could see the clock on the nightstand through the mirror on the opposite side of the room.
I could feel my heart beating steady and though scared it never seemed to race. I could
NOT even speak to call out to my kids for help. For 45 mins. I lay on back, watching the
minutes pass on that clock simultaneously praying 'Dear God, please.....my kids, they need me.....ect, ect." Then I closed my eyes and concentrated upon the words of prayers learned
as a child that I still say. I finally realized that a toe had wiggle, then the foot could move.
I tried the fingers...... Slowly all seemed restored. I sat up on the bed and then stood up
gradually to see if I'd feel dizzy. THEN straight to the med. cabinet, grabbed the pills and
dumped them in the stool!
I thought long and hard and over and over and over.......said this simple prayer.....
"I CAN do this, but only with YOUR help, Dear Lord. Don't abandon me."
Fast forward a year.......another round of emotional spiralling. Again back to the doc.
a different med. I was soooooo slowed down everything appeared to be moving at a snail's pace. I wanted to sleep alot. 2 days into it.......down the drain. And once again........ my little simple prayer. Over and over and over.
Two years after the last round I went to that doctor suspecting something amiss in one
of my breasts. I was correct in my suspicions. He took me into his "fancy" office a place
I'd never seen in all the years I'd been with him. He confirmed what the mammogram showed. He did not miss a beat in getting me forwarded to a specialist and enlightened me
on the various options that I would more than likely have. Then he caught me off guard
and asked, "Would you like something?" My bewildered look gave way to "I can write
you a prescription." When the question "clicked" I looked him in the eye and said, "No thank
you. You KNOW where I've been.....know all about my marriage, my husband, and all
the bullshit. Believe a little cancer is nothing in comparison!" (I told him about the meds and
where they ended up at)
I SURVIVED!!!! AA had alot to do with it too. As days have passed things have gotten soooooo much better!
You might want to find yourself a doctor who SPECIALIZES in the totalities of treating
alcoholism......both the emotional AND physical. Get more than one doctor's opinion.
Be honest with each. Read all you can to educate yourself about the disease, treatments,
not just generalities, rather details, details, details. That was just one of the many ways
I passed the time to keep emotions, urges, ect. in check. Get to meetings where you will
find support, as you have here.
and
Know that for what it's worth everyone here is on your side! We all understand the
struggles of coping with this disease.
Prayers for the best sobriety has to offer,
Wanda