Have been sober for various periods, up to 5 years at one point. Locally, I found many "AA clubs" locally that only follow 12 traditions when convienent. Found out that they like to talk about folk rather than to them. I even confronted them, and asked them to talk about me, since I was there. I am large and can intimidate many folks. It was time to leave. I did find a few "traditional" meetings, not at "AA clubs". But many of the same folks were also there. Since I left, I decide it was okay to smoke, since I am "just" an alcoholic. I did drink to excess sometimes (most times?), and now smoke the same. Cannot decide if my pride is preventing me from returning and trying again, or if I am right. Unfortunately I am a logical thinker (25 years of computers will do that), and feel that I can confuse myself sometimes.
Just riding away and disappearing, leaving all behind, is getting to be more appealing. Guess if I was really considering that, why post here. One last effort? Why bother?
I bounced in and out of AA meetings for 7 years, and ile bet im just as smart as you are.(smile) I havent met too many dumb alcoholics. We seem to have computer minds, and if we took over the Cape Kennedy space station, could likely do a better job.hahaha
I used to analyze the crap out of all this stuff--drove myself nuts every time I did, and picked up another drink.
Could never get it simple.
But it is simple.
We go to meetings for us--take what we need to stay sober one more day and leave the rest.
We dont pick up one drink for one day-now thats simple. Not easy for some days but simple.
When I was new, I had an old guy say to me "Hey kid? Youre just a little splash in the ocean. Youre not the whole damned ocean."
I went back out and got drunk.
Yup, my freind the old pride and ego thing can really take its toll. I used to think a lot of these people were bumbling idiots.
Oh Lord its hard to be humble, when youre perfect in everyway.:) That was moi.
I even tried geographical moves. Didnt work, I kept following me around. Dam.
Buddy? Ive tried all the ways there are to try.
I finally had to surrender. You ever hear of one of us guys surrendering to anything? Not this kid!! hahaha Ile handle it!!
Yup. I handled it allright. Straight to the pits of hell.
Keep trying my freind-keep trying.
There is a God, and Im not Him. Good luck one day at a time and share with us anytime. We care about you. and most of us have been where you are at.
And yu know? it doesnt matter who we are, how smart we are, how big we are or where we came from. We are all just a bunch of drunks trying to help each other, stay sober, one day at a time, and learn a better way to live.
Why should you bother? Because there is a better way. The AA way--cant do it part time tho-gotta do it full time. Luv yu brother.
-- Edited by Phil at 16:30, 2005-01-23
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
I am new to AA, but have been to enough meetings to notice that each one has a different character.
One meeting seemed to be full of ex-Glaswegian gangsters who shared tales of how they did four jail terms before the age of 21, went to prison for random violent assaults for no good reason, and even firearms offences. Huge guys, tattooed with big gold jewellery. A scary bunch and I was very glad that they did not talk about me or even look at me. I was so grateful to get out of there in one piece.
Another meeting was in a dingy little room under a church. I stood outside it for 20 minutes and never noticed it was there, I was sure I had the right address and the time was the one advertised. It was only when a gentleman best described as "of the street" came out that I noticed the entrance. It was pretty grim inside, full of builders rubble. It was a small meeting, dominated by Irish navvies and grave diggers. Some of the people had or had had pyschogical problems. Like every other AA meeting they were friendly, but were not my type of folks.
I do not know where in FL you live, but all I can advise is try different meetings in different places and neighbourhoods until you find one you are comfortable with.
This is not a bad place to let off steam if face to face meetings leave you feeling angry or disappointed and there is no tradition seven if parting with cash causes consternation. At least they have a sense of humour here, which seems to be sadly lacking in most of the non-cyber meetings I have attended.
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Back the bid for the Olympics anwhere else but London
One of the things with AA, (that I didn't want to admit for a while) is that there are rooms often full of people hoping, striving, and working, to find a new life. I never wanted to admit I didn't have a life - but for quite some time, I really didn't have one. I was totally lost once I put down the grog and it took me quite a while to find myself, and then where I fit into the world beyond myself.
One of the realities with folks that don't have a life, is that they tend to talk about others lives. I used to get really annoyed with the "gossip" or "fairy tales" that went on, and often let it get to me in the early days....a lot of "talk" can take place in the rooms, and it isn't always self focussed. BUT - over time we all learn. As we begin trying new things, doing new things, and learning new things, we suddenly have less need to lean on others lives to stimulate conversation. We have our own lives, achievements, goals etc. to communicate.
The other thing to consider, is that we often do things that add to the fact we are noticed or mentioned. Then when we are noticed or mentioned, we take offense. Kinda silly - but I still seem to spend a lot of time trying to remember that. I am tattooed. I ride too, so I tend to present in jeans and jacket, and if I've come off the farm or a big run, can often be just plain grubby. I lift weights, swear, smoke... oh this all sounds so delightful, doesn't it? lol. (Did I mention I'm a woman )These are my choices though - and I realise these choices have led to some stigmatic stereotypes that I have to deal with everytime I present myself. I am also a very well educated person, qualified and a genuinely compassionate person, who is good with kids and critters - but people don't see those bits when I first pull up, or tear of down the road making the bike growl (just because I can)...
I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I don't think it takes folks long to realise I am just as human as they are... that my leather jacket doesn't turn me into some sort of iron-heart... That I'm not some scary sucker who is going to lead their kids, wives or men astray... People have funny fears, but they are their fears, not mine. I can only be me, and try to present myself as me. What others interpret, or read into things stopped worrying me, once I came to understand myself a bit.
Being big doesn't make you intimidating - I have known many big bears who have made me feel very safe with their presence. People can and do judge us on our outward presentation, but I can assure you - not for long! The moment we actually present ourselves beyond what they first see (by extending a hello, assisting with something, just talking, whatever), they can soon work out what we are really about, and if they don't then that's their loss. They miss out on making a new mate.
I say - yes, go to the bother of having another go if you want to stay sober. Like the others have said, there's lots of groups and travelling obviously isn't a problem. Just put your knees in the breeze and go visit a few. I am yet to meet anyone who has been able to stay sober on their own - I don't think it happens. Lots have tried, but I haven't met anyone who can say they have done it. Which is why AA works. The gangsters, the wharfies, the bushies, the bankers, the whatevers, can't do it without you - and we can't do it without them. Just the way it is. Please refer to Stans post somewhere on previous page (Not Drinking Not Enough) for the appropriate response for such situations.
Hi, I've taken a while to find the right meeting for me an my area. I found that some of them were really pushing the religion side of things and it was like being involved in a strange cult. Now I've found a meeting thats less intense in that way, and it helps me to stay sober.
Keep on trying, you'll find the right meeting eventually, if not, keep on coming here!
Good to have you with us.
Best wishes.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Yes you should bother. You're worth it and your life is worth it.
I think you should keep going around till you find some folks you like and can relate to.
For myself, initially it just didn't matter what meetings I went to. My insurance had just paid 30K for a month in a rehab. After I realized that I hadn't really "learned" anything that was going to stop me from drinking again, the fine doctors there informed me that if I didn't want to drink again I should go to AA. I grabbed onto that like a life preserver My obsession with alcohol made me into someone who functioned on the surface but would go home and binge then end up in suicidal despair. It was when I really tried controlling it that I saw where it was inevitably headed. And I knew I had no way out. Thank God those doctors directed me to AA.
After a while, I got a bit more choosy with my meetings. But I get bored (or find fault) with some meetings after any length of time and that spurs me to get out and check out meetings all over. If you ever get a chance to travel and get to meetings ... that's the best!
BTW, I'm 25 years w/computer myself. Started out with punch cards and IBM Assembler (BAL). I'm out of it as of 2 years now though. Outsourcing ... my latest resentment.. (just kidding)
)These are my choices though - and I realise these choices have led to some stigmatic stereotypes that I have to deal with everytime I present myself. I am also a very well educated person, qualified and a genuinely compassionate person, who is good with kids and critters - but people don't see those bits when I first pull up, or tear of down the road making the bike growl (just because I can)...
My obsession with alcohol made me into someone who functioned on the surface but would go home and binge then end up in suicidal despair. It was when I really tried controlling it that I saw where it was inevitably headed. And I knew I had no way out. Thank God those doctors directed me to AA.
(just kidding)