Thank you, again, all for the thoughts and prayers. It's been a tough day and we're pretty much back at square one. I couldn't believe it when the judge said he could only be detained to a juvenile facility, that since he was 17 she couldn't send him to the county. All of this being said after she made a speech about him needing to get away from his lower companions, etc. When she let me speak I explained to her that 1/2 of those lower companions she'd referenced were in Juev. Hall at this moment and I saw no good coming of that, he's not a criminal now but he will be when he gets outta there! She proceeded to tell me they have a 12 step program there, so I countered with 'and there are plenty of 12 step programs right here in town."
Our "system" seems more concerned with cost & the state funding staying in a state facility. The Solicitor seemed more concerned with 'winning' another case for her precious record. I realize it's a 'business' but we're talking about children. Doesn't anyone care? Doesn't anyone see there are better places for kids with problems besides juevie or state run/approved only rehabs? Shouldn't the people in these positions (judges, counselors, probation officers) be trained or experienced to spot the kids who are in real trouble, to see the signals? I ran down a list of FIVE places I'd called on my own. She tried (tried) to shoot me down by saying " oh they won't take him at such and such place", my reply " Your Honor, I spoke to so&so on Tuesday and they can take him as soon as next Friday." Yep! I did some name dropping and had all my ducks in a row, she didn't take too kind to any of it.
The outcome, he was court ordered to attend an inpatient program for no less than 90 days or until his 18th birthday (which is Sept) as soon as the first one on the list has a bed (the such and such place I told her about will take him next week with a $1075.00 processing fee which I pray I can come up with by then). In the meantime I feel like we're right back where we started - he went right back to that girlfriends house this afternoon.
Makes no friggin' sense, if he gets arrested at 17, he goes to county detention. Why does it work one way for one thing and another way for something else!!!! I'm in the process of writing a letter to our Governor (will it make a difference? probably not, but it will make me feel better & like I'm atleast doing something). S.C. laws need to be changed to include all things for one age. They shouldn't be allowed to pick and choose.
We did manage to get out of the court room in time to make a noon F2F which he attended with me and he and I will be attending a recovery program they have at my church until I can get him where he needs to be.......Until then, please keep up the prayers and thoughts that he makes it to rehab. That God will grant him time. I'm soooo afraid he'll be lost before it happens.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Youv'e done Good Doll. The court didn't do bad either. You asked God to be iinvolved. It his path now and not yours. Let go of the motherly reigns a bit more. Take a step back and breath. Have you been attending any Alanon meetings? If not remember the three C's Just for today. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. We can't, he can, now let him. One day at a time, let Go and Let god. We need spiritual freedom as much as knowledge of our powerlessness. Don't over push the spiritual/church angle but you should stress that our spiritual freedom is available to him despite his own upbringing. He may stumble on some minor tenet of religion thats not important at this point, if ever.
I started a church based recovery program but after a year could not handle the reliance on the sin aspect of its first step. As the numbers show, neither can most alcoholics. We eliminated the guilt that continued to drive us back to drink with the disease concept. We eliminated the roadblocks to growth when the words "as we understood him" to the third step. They were not frivolous sinful changes in my opinion because they allowed God's Gift of recovery to be given to any that would have it.
I have been trying to learn what I can about respecting others lately. i haven't learned enough. We are a free people though, each of us, with self determination and free to choose our beliefs based on the how our free will fits in with the rest of the worlds beliefs. We are not in a vacuum with just our own set of beliefs. Our beliefs interact with others beliefs in a way that forms this world as we know it. Others beliefs are as important as our own because they must work with or against other beliefs. As a lever must work against a fulcrum they must come together for any work to be done. This is where respect might come in. We need each other, and its OK.
Where I go wrong in these kind of cases is where I believe I am always the lever trying to move something that won't budge. We are not always the lever. Sometimes we are the fulcrum and a fulcrum is like a rock. Now I think if the lever and rock could talk, they would both respect each other and in fact even wish there were times when they could be the other. Envy or not, they appreciate the others role and use. There are days when they bare against each other in pain and wish each was the other also. This builds respect also but we often see the lever getting all the credit but some days its allright to just be the rock.
