I am full of fear at this moment. In just a few short hours I get to watch my son be 'carted' off to jail to be held until under suicide watch till a rehab bed becomes available...My mind is ALL over the place. I spoke to him last night & he sounded like the 'happy kid' I once I knew, therefore I've questioned myself "is it really that bad?" The answer is "yes, it is". I know I am doing the right thing. I want my son to want to get better. I want him to want to grow up and be a man of integrity & morals. I believe I am doing God's will in having him committed, I just have to keep reminding myself of that every few minutes. My heart is broken and the fear of the unknown is trying so desperately to take over. I thank God that I am sober today to be of sound mind to carry this out. What a mess it would be if I were still drinking........
I got many phone calls last night from friends in my HG, a PM or 2 here and emails from other friends with well wishes, thoughts and prayers for today... I found myself angry this morning that my John did not call. He is fully aware of the toll this is taking on me and yet I have not spoken to him since Sunday night! I realize this not about me, but it is affecting me tremendously....I'm looking at the bright side, being angry at John deters my other thoughts and fear for a moment or 2........
Thank you all for being here.....Please send up thoughts and prayers....
((((Hugs))))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Quote for 7/17/2008 What We Gain From Addiction - Addiction conveys important teachings. A philosopher who recovered from chemical addiction once explained that the mistakes of addiction enhance the quest for spirituality: 'Our resentments can teach us where to be forgiving; our lonely self-centeredness can teach us where to be loving; our fear can teach us when to trust; our hopelessness can teach us the necessity of the risk of hope. The barrier of our own self-will will teach us what to give up; the consequences of our self-will will teach us why to give up; the self-contradiction of our self-will will teach us how to give up.' Following the recovery program for sobriety constitutes growth, and this is never boring. We are always learning something new, and novelty can be exciting. Pursuing the goals of recovery makes recovery a fascinating process.
Hi Doll Saw this and it reminded me of you today! Hang in there..Be patient and hopeful. Im sure a lot of good will come out of your decision..
-- Edited by lani at 09:21, 2008-07-17
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I'm a newbie. Don't think we have met however the situation you are in, I will pray for you. I have not been there with a child and hope I never have to be but I've been there with a brother.
How are you doing Doll, I hope things are going all right. Thanks for sharing, It's often hard for me to share the most painful stuff. Hold onto that glimmer of normalcy, it your end hope after all. Nothing rehab will do to him can't be fixed. :) Sure he'll come back with some funny lingo and maybe be owning a few problems that aren't his own but he'll also be owning a good size chunk of himself. At the least he'll come back. If you had to put him on suicide watch, considering how difficult that was, its shows a lot of love and probably the most love you could have shown.
Remember also that your not alone. Your not the first mother thats had to do this and definitley not the last. You'll be able to turn this into something you can use to help others soon enough. My mother had to do it with me so even though I haven't been exactly through what your going through, I hope I understand a little.
Tough I was aware of my mothers pain and felt remorse, I don't think it was till around 15 years I ubnderstood what it felt like. I knew it hurt her and made her cry but I didn't know what it felt like myself until I spent a few years in Alanon rooms listening to your story over and over again until it dawned on me that it was also mine.
