Hi Everyone, its been awhile since I last posted but here I am still an alcoholic and drug addict, grateful for my recovery and it does get better and better each day.  I love this board and I love going to meetings.  We are all in the same lifeboat and Ive got a hold of my oar, when you get tired, Ill take my turn at rowing. 

Ive have shared in previous posts how I first went to AA in 1997 and I accepted that I was an alcoholic.  I havent had a drink since.  But the funny thing, is that I wasnt truly sober until last year.  Heres part of how it happened: in the spring of 2006, I was talking with a childhood friend who I had not heard from in awhile and I asked after a mutual friend, she said, oh she doing well, now that her husband went to re-hab.  Her husband went to re-hab for one problem, weed, he never drank, he never did any other drugs, all he ever did was smoke.  And, I thought, wow, he HAD to go to re-hab to stop smoking weed?  That was amazing to me because I had been rationalizing that weed was just a mild play thing, I could smoke 3 joints and not crash into the lightpole, but if I drank I would surely crash my car into the lightpole, so see, weed is nothing, I can smoke.  What baffling and cunning disease, this addiction.  The story about my friend kept eating at me and my use and abuse of weed escalated and I became depressed, jobless, broke, fat, and full of guilt and shame.  In March of 2007, I walked back into my home group AA meeting and surrendered my life to a power greater than myself, God, as I understand Him.  There have been plenty of ups and down, but it sure has been worth it, my spiritual, mental and physical health, have improved dramatically.  I just didnt know how sick I was, below is a story that came to my mind recently which illustrates this.

My father was a soldier in WW2, he taught me and my four brothers how to cut trails through our island jungle, as a part of this process, he taught us how to find north, south, east, west.  So I am a person, that knows how to stay on the trail and if I get lost find my way back to the trail, safely. But everyone, heres the thing, if was walking on a trail and didnt know that I had wandered off, then I wouldnt even try to find my way back, because I wouldnt know that I was lost!  Thats exactly what happened to me with the addiction, I didnt know when I started abusing to deal with emotional pain, that I was going off the trail, and then once off the trail, I was lost and didnt know I was lost so I wasnt even trying to find my way back!

I realize how lucky I am to have found my way back, I know my Higher Power, used the AA meetings and members, to say, LOOK heres the right path, would, you like to get on it?  Its up to me, my Higher Power gave me free will and this is my choice.  No one told me what trail to get on.  I chose to walk on this AA trail, and, now, as I write these words, tears float in my eyes as I am overwhelmed by gratitude, and happy to be alive!  These feelings swell inside me, and I think, wow, this feels better than any drink or drug I ever took.   This is God = Good Orderly Direction, this keeps me sober today.

Thats me Happy, Joyous and Free, it worked because I, FINALLY, worked it, thanks for letting me share and thanks to everyone and especially, Bill W!