We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non-recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.
And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
From The Language of Letting Go
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
One of the saddest thing about recovery is the seemingly revolving door of newcomers going in and out. When I was new and getting my 30 day chip at the monthly speaker meeting about 30 others picked up a 30 day chip too. As the months pasted there were fewer of us each month till at a year we were only a handful. I've moved since them but I still return to my home town some years to get my chip, there are just 3 of us left from that 1st group and from the group as a whole fewer people who were there when I arrived.
-- Edited by cooncatbob at 11:21, 2008-07-05
__________________
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
One of the saddest thing about recovery is the seemingly revolving door of newcomers going in and out. When I was new and getting my 30 day chip at the monthly speaker meeting about 30 others picked up a 30 day chip too. As the months pasted there were fewer of us each month till at a year we were only a handful. I've moved since them but I still return to my home town some years to get my chip, there are just 3 of us left from that 1st group and from the group as a whole fewer people who were there when I arrived.
-- Edited by cooncatbob at 11:21, 2008-07-05
Same here Bob, I go up to VA every year and go back to the Unity Club, where I got sober. The last couple years, there were around 100 people at the club (12 meeting rooms) and not one of them did I know from the time I attended daily '89-'93. It's spooky like a time warp or something.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
