A wonderful speech from  the movie starring James Woods as Bill W. & James Garner as Dr. Bob ------  Gives me chills everytime I hear it.

Lois, his wife asks, "Is it me?........... Why do you do this to yourself?" ----

" It's not you.........it's me. I watch all the normal people walking by & I don't think I've ever felt really normal, all my life - I mean like other people. I feel different somehow - like I don't quite measure up. Ever since I can remember I've had this feeling deep down in my gut, scared. I see people. Laughing. At ease with each other. I'm the one on the outside looking in, afraid maybe that I won't be accepted. When I was overseas I found that a drink, a few drinks, made me feel comfortable, like I always want to feel. It gives me courage to be with people, do things. To dream.
 

The money, success, respect, it was all good for a while but it never seems enough. I always want doubles of everything to make me feel alive, worthwhile, inside. And then it all began to slip away. I feel cheated, angry, always full of fear so I drink, more, and it makes it OK for a while. I convince myself that things will turn around - tomorrow - soon. That I'll make it all up for you but it only gets worse.

I keep promising you, others, myself, that's it, no more, going on the wagon. THAT'S IT! and I think I mean it but the guilt and depression. I can't look in a mirror or at you, especially, especially you. I've stopped believing in everything, people, God, myself.

I know it sounds insane, Lois, but in spite of all this what I want right now, more than anything else, is another drink"