Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?!

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?!

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for sharing, Doll. Maybe see you some more at MIP Sunday Meet, hey. I liked your post & it was inspiring for me. You have a good grasp of the kind of things this disease will say to you at low moments. I've been gaining more acceptance on my illness too. I'm learning the power & uselessness of my denial. I had glimpses of my confidence in the past & it was this I was hoping to build on for my confidence in the future.

I have learned that these confidences were, though seemingly real at the time, only moments & ultimately they couldn't save me from my alcoholism. My true inner propensity to selfpity, anger, frustration, resentment, ego & arrogance. All of these things weren't really how I saw nyself & certainly didn't want to but now the denial is shifting I see how often these properties, these defects were/can be rife in me & like you, this knowledge arms me with the fact that a drink would not enhance any of these to any positive purpose for me.

I can't afford to drink today. Even on my low, bored, disappointed points I really know that even a drink would not make it any better. I know that I can only grow in my continued sobriety. I get impatient with this & exhausted, but I know it's worth it. When I remember not to take how different & better my life is today to how it was, for granted I'm pushed into the fourth dimension. I mean, I have an acceptance of my life today which means it can be natural for me to forget where I've come from but when I remember, I'm heartened.

You've shown great strength & growth in your detaching from your son there. I did the same with my youngest sister who is still in denial of her illness. My recovery isan example to her but not one she's willing to explore right now. She called me at 3am the other night telling me she was in trouble & needed £550 by morning. I asked her what was going for her & to tell me honestly. I didn't offer to help financially & she said she was sorry she called & rang off. (Not sorry for the hour or disturbing me but just sorry she thought she'd called uselessly, no concern that I might have then not been able to sleep for worrying, etc) I sent her a simple text after saying I was here if she needed to talk xx Needless to say she hasn't called back even though I'm her free number. That was my first true taste of not trying to rescue her. My other younger sister has already had the view for a number of years that our youngest sister only calls when she wants something though I've always defended her (I'm the oldest of 3)

I enjoyed time with my parents on Father's Day & spent some time with my younger sister who's had an op recently but the last few times I've spoken with her either over the phone or in person her attitude has really ebbed on my energy & had a negative effect. As a result I have distanced myself until I feel I can forgive or speak to her about it. The difficulty on being the one in recovery, Jen, is that we endeavor to conduct ourselves correctly & not be Too selfish but we do this with others who are not working a program or operating by the same conscience, isn't it! This can be annoying, humbling & ego~deflating for me too but I go on regardless knowing what's the right thing whilst being careful not to flog myself emotionally while others are taking care of Themselves.

That's one of the hardest things for me but also the most rewarding when I know that with principles before personalities I can find some peace of mind with my HP & those who understand the beauty of this program. I don't do it for nothing. I do it so that I can learn to live with myself day by day one at a time. I know I can't be perfect & I know I can't control others. AA is teaching me how to find some peace, self~acceptance & freedom in that. I'm aiming for quality rather than quantity with my family so I don't mind distancing myself when necessary. I'm able to go back & give more love then when I've looked after me & my HP first.

I'm really glad I don't have to do this alone. I'm glad you're here helping me too. I hope you have some strength & further fellowship with me from here too. Thanks for your share, Jen. You helped me today. I'm glad you're sober. Always worth it :) Happy Sober Day for the 22nd.. Congrats on your 9mths! Daniella x

Ps. I like the occasional coffee, chocolate & love~in lie~ins with my Beau ;)

eugene · Member

Hi There !
I so identified with so much of what you said. I also call that "mood" my F... EVERYTHING" frame of mind. I've learned to be very,very carefull with and wary about it, because for me it used to be what started me on a binge and now I look at it as a warning sign that the obsession of the mind thing is trying to get a grip again. Best medicine for me when that happens is to say serenity prayer, speak to my sponsor and get myself to the nearest,
soonest meeting. Hasn't failed to work yet!
What's helped me a lot with those around me is learning that I am not responsible for that person's emotions. Sounds simple, but once you really think about it and grasp it its an amazing, liberating and empowering truth. Those around me are not responsible for my emotions and I am not responsible for theirs. Its not selfish, its fundamental to dealing with codependancy issues and IMO learning to live live sober and on live's terms.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jen,

That was a great post. Thank you.

I think that my 'default setting' is sometimes set to 'F it'. I have felt a little bit like that recently. But, I was at a great meeting yesterday morning were a guy shared that he had gone back out after feeling just the way I did. He was shaking so bad and could barely speak. I just don't want to be like that again.

My Mother called me yesterday evening. It was a great chat and I was in tears when I put the 'phone down. She told me how proud she was of my sobriety and of the fact that I am now back at school and working my hardest. Oh boy, that meant so much to me. I could still get choked up thinking about it. And, I'm planning on going to see her again during the summer. I never thought that I would look forward to that!

Jen, congratulations on nine months sobriety. Your sponsor is right ... you are doing great! Well done.

Take care,

Carol

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Ahhhh- the "What's it all matter in the grand scheme of things?" deallio. I suffer from that.

I have little trouble not drinking the first drink- abstinence comes pretty easy for me. (everything after the first drink sucks- and maybe even the second half of the first drink- and it's a steep downhill grind from there.) But giving a sh!t- that's sometimes a challenge. For me I think it all goes way back down the pipe to when I was a kid- low self-confidence. It's been a long hard road getting to that bit of information, but it has made the clouds part and the sun shine through illuminating a lot of truth for me when I get too feeling like none of it matters.

Before I can be okay I have to like myself. Until I really and truly like myself (or at least accept me for who I am) I can't even begin to understand that someone else thinks good of me. It's not even a conscious thing, really- or it wasn't until I realized it was even there. I always thought my heroic acts of supreme confidence (public speaking, job interviews, paddling a twelve foot board 38 miles across the Kaiwi Channel) were proof that I was indeed independent and confident and totally comfortable in my "self". Not necessarily true. The alone-ness of alcoholism is maybe only a symptom- a rash that appears because I've got something toxic under my skin. There's an underlying reason I self medicated- the drinking was only a symptom. The first half of step one deals with drinking. The other eleven and a half steps deal with me. There's a reason for that, something I constantly have to remind myself of.

Of course the nature of the disease is to get in there and cloud up my thinking and get me to say none of it really matters, to blow off responsibility and to get me to make bad choices. Alcohol is the only disease I've ever heard of that does that. Of course it matters- I feel SO MUCH BETTER with no alcohol messing up my paradigm. No hangover and regular bowel function is a plus, less depression and my self-respect is even better.

In the end, I think Lennon and McCartney put it best:

All you need is love, love- love is all you need.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Thanks so much for that share, Doll. You help ME so very much with the things you go through and tell us about. I especially like the part about your needing to back off and stop carrying all the load of your relationship. That is tough stuff, but we have to truly become tired to get anywhere ready to make changes in that respect.

I do hope you will continue to take good care of YOU before and above all else, above fmaily, and adult children, and of course before any partner. It is so good to be free and to be taking care of "ME" (you). You really deserve it, and have worked hard to earn this turning point in your life.

Love and hugs,
Joni