Early on things are kind of exciting and being sober is almost like discovering a new drug that makes you feel strange and unusual feelings...but now that some months have gone by it seems like I'm just coasting through life with the volume turned down. No more craziness, no more highs and lows, no more waking up and analyzing the bruises, cuts and scrapes on my body to figure out what kooky adventures I'd been on the night before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm bored. In spite of all the good things that have happened since I quit drinking I feel really blasé. I'm wondering if it's just a phase that will pass or if this feeling that life is missing something is just something ex-drunks have to get used to?
Early on things are kind of exciting and being sober is almost like discovering a new drug that makes you feel strange and unusual feelings...but now that some months have gone by it seems like I'm just coasting through life with the volume turned down. No more craziness, no more highs and lows, no more waking up and analyzing the bruises, cuts and scrapes on my body to figure out what kooky adventures I'd been on the night before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm bored. In spite of all the good things that have happened since I quit drinking I feel really blasé. I'm wondering if it's just a phase that will pass or if this feeling that life is missing something is just something ex-drunks have to get used to?
Your thoughts?
Hey TM, great topic. This is certainly something that we all experience. Some call it the end of "the pink cloud". As alcoholics we are conditioned, at an early age (usually before we begin to drink) that the quality of anything and everything (including us and what do) can only be measured two ways. It's either the greatest (insert your favorite superlatives here) or it sux big time (and negaitve adjectives/adverbs here). And boredom was the worst (probably from long dreadfully unbearable days in school ) The big book and 12 & 12 reference it several places and many ways, most notably the "all or nothing" outlook. I think in the 4th step 12 & 12 it talks about us "wanting to be on top the pile or burried underneath" when it comes to working relationships. With all that said, alcoholics are always looking for the "big bang", excitement, thrill seeking, or just plan Kaos. If none is available, we'll create it. Anyting except bordom, because boredom sux .
Somehow I figured this out at about 6 months sober, as I was getting board with "staying out of relationships", "not making any major decesions or changes", no "geographical cures"....Had to let go of all of my old friends (drunks and drug addicts mostly). And I thought I was dying. I asked my sponsor and he said "write another gratitude list" I'd written 50 of them.
My problem, I thought, was that I needed to change my attitude/feelings about "boredom". So I analyzed boredom. What does it mean? I meant that everything was going along day to day, no fires to put out, nothing to complain about, but on the other hand, nothing exciting either. So everything was really "OK". Isn't that all that I needed? Isn't that what I'd have gladly trade for when I was in jail, sick, without a place to live, and no money to pay my bills? Ah...Yeah. So I decided to learn to like "boredom". Boredom meant that everything is OK. Boredom is my friend and it's taken the place of my old friends: Kaos, anxiety, fear, impending doom....
Next I realized what "get a life" meant. And I starting filling my time with things I needed to do, chores, and recreational stuff. You know, dumb **** like bowling, bike riding, fishing, renting a movie. Ackward stuff that I had to learn how to do again sober, because it felt so unnatural doing anything without drinking. Pretty soon what seemed like stupid useless activities to keep busy turned into routines that carried me through whatever life had to throw at me on occasions. I also found people in the program that liked to do stupid stuff too . Boredom is your friend, write "I love me some boredom" 10 times .
Im pretty much at the same point in my life.....I remember when my husband was in the program years ago, there were 4 couples who got together and played cards in the winter and golfed in the summer. I was the only one not in the "program" but still had a blast! We are trying to do that gain this go around. Find some people in the program you like and invite them to do something......
Im sure you'll agree with Dean that boring can be good. That means Im not in jail, not having my house taken away not all bloody and bruised....Can any of us honestly say we miss that stuff!!!!!!
Get busy and make some friends in the program!!!!!!! Fill your days with meetings, and boringness if need be!!!! :}
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Blase' is dangerous ground for me. I do know exactly what you're talking about. My sponsor says that's another form of my disease trying to get my ass.
I make more meetings, especially try to get to BB & step study. I go early and hang out after for some fellowship.
Get with your sponsor and see what he has to suggest....
It does get better, really.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
What Phil said. Also get involved in AA service, make coffee (most important service position. LOL) Secretary a meeting. In AA it's always a few doing most of the service. That's because they know that the best way to stay sober, they don't have time to be bored. They're part of the solution and they're happy and rarely relapse. When I got sober I thought the secretary was a member of the AA inter circle, instead he was just some guy with 6 months who's sponsor volunteered him for the position.
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Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.
psssst....have you ever tried free hand rock climbing?..... Hang gliding?.....sky diving?..... OK....OK..... so maybe a little less glamorous than say...bungie jumping......... How about fly fishing.....camping.....hiking through a national park....(as Dean said)bowling......where's the nearest Six Flags type park to you?.... C'mon Tips old pal.....us alkies generally have HUGE imaginations.....have you started your first novel?...taken up your long hidden desire to create (IE painting, writing, being a radio talk show host?).....If nothing else, consider becoming a regular at local marathon events.............
Part of the glamor of giving up alcohol and drug addiction is replacing it with some kind of socially popular (not just accepted) event. Get out there and start serving soup at the Salvation Army buddy..........!!!!!
As Phil said, we were always used to living on the edge......The edge is still out there.....we REALLY don't need booze or alcohol to find it!...it's still there! Here's your chance to find it without missing it due to the influence...and, I can assure you from personal experience....it's a lot keener without the chemicals!!!!!!
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 22:21, 2008-06-05
Hey Tipsy, Yes, my take is that it will pass. It is part of the "oscillations" that we go through. If you can "maintain an even strain", you can muscle past that feeling and envoy the lack of drama. I think you will like it! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I'm sure I'll eventually find activities that will keep me entertained and give me that "living on the edge" feeling...now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go play in traffic :)
At about four months sober, I bought and started riding a motorcycle. What a rush!!! I'm having a blast in recovery! I have 17 months clean and I've never been so busy in my life. I'm never home. Between meetings, service work, dances, campouts, conventions, unity days I'm never bored!!
At about four months sober, I bought and started riding a motorcycle. What a rush!!! I'm having a blast in recovery! I have 17 months clean and I've never been so busy in my life. I'm never home. Between meetings, service work, dances, campouts, conventions, unity days I'm never bored!!
Nell
^^^^^^^That's what I'm talking about! I got back into streetbike riding in early sobriety and rode to meeting whenever I could, and still am . In one of my desk drawers I still have my 1990 callendar (part of my first year). It is so full of stuff, concerts, AA beach conventions, interstate motorcycle trips to see old high school buddys. It really helped being single again at that time .
It is an off again, on again thing for me also. I've a friend that now does free falling, to keep the adrenalin rush he started to miss.
I miss, like Dean said, the chaos, and still miss the lure of the insanity. (as long as I was 'insane' nobody expected anything from me). Hiking and fitness are goodies, they release those endorphins.
Right now I'm training as a first responder, and I bet that'll give me rushes. I practiced with foam yesterday, got all Janice Joplin with that fire hose, pretending I was putting out brush fires. So I have my quiet days, and then I have those nice rush days for the balance I personally need. Sky diving just is too much for me, but boy, my friends sure do like it.
Soooooo, what volunteer opportunities are there in your area? Keeping the mind busy and learning is a necessity for me. I guess I just thrive better when I have something to bitch about......hugs, Chris
All those high risk activities do is force us to live in "the now", the right now. It's such a remarkable feeling to those so consumed with dwelling on tomorrow and yesterday. But we can retrain ourselves through spontaneous activities as simple as taking a 20 to 45 minute walk each morning, always taking a different route. Get into the woods and get lost, then pull out your compass (or your GPS ) and find your way back out.
At about four months sober, I bought and started riding a motorcycle.
Woo hoo! Yeah!
I belong to the Lady's of Harley. We meet up 1-2 Saturdays a month for a day trip to somewhere. Not only do I still enjoy the thrill of riding, I have made some wonderful friends.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Welcome to the roller coaster ride, Tip. Thing is, if you just stay on the roller coaster, the highs will be less high, and the lows less low. What you used to call boredom, you will soon call serenity. You will get on with life, have new challenges socially, at work, in the home life. And you will welcome "down-times". Just stick with it.
Joni
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
"Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times". Alcoholics Anonymous p.87
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Way cool! I belong to a clean and sober club. We do alot of service work in our local area. We ride together about once a month, but I'm on my Harley every day!!!!
Hello Nell, Welcome to the board. glad to hear that you're riding to meetings. I found that it's positive reinforcement (puts more fun into) for going to meetings. I also think about going to meetings when I'm out on my bike, out of habit
Will you start a thread to introduce yourself, so that we can give you a proper welcome?
I'm new to the board and thought this thread was an interesting read.
At the end of 2007 I seriously attempted sobriety... I fell down twice and on the third try it stuck... I am currently at five months. I started working out again and began riding my mountain bike when it got warmer (here in the midwest). I've been working towards all kinds of old and new hobbies. I do okay and am in pretty decent shape.
In five months I have demolished my lifestyle of 13 years. I am out of bars and have separated myself from a lot of "friends" and acquaintances. Some people weren't really my friends but some people were, and I really miss hanging out with them. It's not that they persecute me... its just different now. I've stayed home a lot and done some cheap, positive, healthy activities and saved a helluva lotta money.
Challenges? I am currently experiencing lack of motivation and/or depression. Somedays i'm great, some days i'm down. Even on good days it seems like i'm not getting my life in order like I should be. Things i'm not getting done could include finances or maintaining /repairing stuff I have (i.e. home/car audio), purging and organizing assets, etc. I just feel overwhelmed. I've made lists of stuff I need to do and it just never gets done, but i'll sit around online for hours and look up useless information on wikipedia and watching Satellite TV.
FYI - I've never attended an AA meeting. I've got to where i'm at by reading the Big Book and talking to the friend who got it for me. The lynch pin holding my sobriety together is when I learned more about the allergy and realized that there is no other way out of my condition - other than 100% abstinence.
) The big book and 12 & 12 reference it several places and many ways, most notably the "all or nothing" outlook. I think in the 4th step 12 & 12 it talks about us "wanting to be on top the pile or burried underneath" when it comes to working relationships. With all that said, alcoholics are always looking for the "big bang", excitement, thrill seeking, or just plan Kaos. If none is available, we'll create it. Anyting except bordom, because boredom sux 
. 
. Boredom is your friend, write "I love me some boredom" 10 times 
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