I didn't really get the chance to go on here yesterday but I did finally get the book I've been reading it to to my boyfriend over the phone and he helps me understand what I'm reading by making me repeat some of a passage and how that applies to me. I also made the 'resentment' list-- which is actually listed in the eighth step if I'm not mistaken-- but we both thought it would be a good idea if I did it now. I had actually already made a list before, but I did it more the 'book' way this time and even added more people to the list. But what surprised in me some of the people who I write down was that the amount of things they did to harm me in fact matched up or even were less than the amount of things I did to harm the other person. Out of the whole list, there were only two (groups) of people on the list who hurt me that I did nothing to them, which were the group of people who had harrassed me in middle school and a few girls who I worked with at my old job who treated me like total shit. But the list definitely brought some realization to me as did that book, which no longer do I feel like I'm forced to read it but I actually WANT to read it. Anywho, how I actually GOT the book (from my boyfriend's 'friend' who had been on the program but wasn't doing it right so now he's back to drinking again), well that's a really long story and let's just say his friend has some really serious problems, including being a total pervert but anyways I'm not going to go into it on this board. He did say I could keep the book but I think it would be better to return it since he obviously still needs it, that is if the guy can ever get his act together. Hopefully this will be the first big start to the recovery process and that I will start doing the rest of the process to finally get real help.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
You really should get to a meeting. It's wonderful you've started, but the Steps are in order for a reason, really, they are. I wanted to jump from step 1 to step 9 in my first 30 days, NOT a good idea and I wouldn't have known this, or I would have screwed things up way worse if it were not for meetings & a sponsor to guide me thru the steps as they are intended.
If you need your own book, I will be happy to send one to you. PM me your address, I'll pick one up and get it in the mail........
I'm real proud of you, gal, so Keep coming and dont' drink - no matter what.
(((Hugs))))
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Jenn. We Jen(n)s are multiplying on this board! I never gave you a proper welcome, so allow me to give you a heartfelt welcome now. I'm glad you're here. I'm also glad that you're reading the big book and finding it useful. I do, too, though meetings are my mainstay. Posting here helps a lot also. I find that I really rely on talking to others in AA to help guide me through these early months of recovery. There are so many warm and supportive people here and in meetings. And I've found that folks aren't dogmatic or strident about how to work one's program, other than the not drinking part. To a person, the people I've met have been open, patient, and supportive. I hope you will allow yourself to experience this wonderful fellowship, too. I wish you all the best. Please keep posting here.
Jen
ps -- maybe I'll go by Jenny to distinguish myself here -- that's what my family calls me!
Hey all, I'm soo sorry I keep skimping on this board-- I can be pretty damn lazy Lani-- I actually didn't go to the meeting. Yes, I know, I should've at least tried it out but actually I am doing the 12 steps without going to the meetings. I'm also being sponsored by my boyfriend which is also kind of against what the program is supposed to be about, as technically your sponsor is supposed to be unbiased, but when I was able to get the book and started reading it with my boyfriend over the phone, who had also gone through the steps and offered to help me, I wanted to get started right away. I'm now actually on step 5 and just from doing those few steps I know something has happened to me, where I have realized things about myself I never bothered to look over before. Like how bad my behavior has been and how I've let so many people control my life. Yes, I still got lots to work on and I do still feel kind of out of control and I sometimes go back to old behavior but at least now I have hope that I haven't had in so long. But yea I suppose if I'm not going to meetings then at least I should be on this board more often Doll-- Thanks a lot for your offer but as you have already read I did get a book and yes from starting the steps I definitely see that I'm not exactly read to skip to that step yet, as I do still have to work on some things before I can make any amends. And again thanks for your support, it means a lot jc2008-- haha yea I guess there are a lot of Jens on this board-- well maybe my 2 n's will disguish me from everyone else And thanks for the welcome! :) Thanks lots guys!!
jennson88 wrote:I am doing the 12 steps without going to the meetings. I'm also being sponsored by my boyfriend .......I'm now actually on step 5
If no one else will, I'm gonna say it! You really need to get to a face to face meeting and find a Big Book Study group. Your boyfriend as a sponsor is a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, BAD idea.... You're on step 5? How many 24 hours you been sober, gal?
It's awesome you're not drinking, reading the BB and getting " in touch" with yourself, but please, please, please, in my most humble opinion, you really need to get to a meeting and find a female sponsor.
-- Edited by Doll at 06:02, 2008-05-29
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Jenn--Glad you're still with us. Also very glad to see you are reading the Big Book and working the steps!!
I still think it's a good idea to get to a meeting though. A huge part of the AA experience for me is spending time with other people......that I didn't know before.....who are going through the same things I am. Hard to explain, but it makes me feel less crazy.
jennson88 wrote:I am doing the 12 steps without going to the meetings. I'm also being sponsored by my boyfriend .......I'm now actually on step 5
If no one else will, I'm gonna say it! You really need to get to a face to face meeting and find a Big Book Study group. Your boyfriend as a sponsor is a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, BAD idea.... You're on step 5? How many 24 hours you been sober, gal?
It's awesome you're not drinking, reading the BB and getting " in touch" with yourself, but please, please, please, in my most humble opinion, you really need to get to a meeting and find a female sponsor.
-- Edited by Doll at 06:02, 2008-05-29
I just want to go on record, for all the people out there following this thread who might be shocked by this response.......this is not the way we treat people in AA. But then, I've been told this is not AA. I guess I misunderstood the banner at the top of the page then, and will be looking for a site that does advocate the philosophies AA, which is help by sharing our own experiences. We (Bill W. for starters) have found in the past that giving advice does not work.
Judging people, confronting them in front of others so as to humiliate and force our will upon them.....I would not belong to AA if that was the program.
While I think the intentions may have been good, I do not agree with the methods. I would voice that opinion if it happened in my AA meeting, and I am voicing that opinion here.
Hey Larry, while I agree with your concern and your opinion, I wish you wouldn't hold the whole messege board responsible for one poster's writings. I know it wasn't Doll's intention to humiliate and I don't think that she did. I agree with what she said but perhaps would've said it differently, as others did the same. I suspect that the responses in an AA meeting wouldn't have varried much either.
I would like to say that Jenson88 IS working the steps to the best of her ability with what she's got to work with. (moreso than a lot that I've seen that are "in the program"). I hope she'll summon up the courage to get some meetings, just as all of us would and she'll probably will.
Hey Larry Hope you decide to stick around because you offer alot of ESand H on here! There have been threads on here in the past that I didnt agree with, so didnt participate in the drama. Freedom of choice I guess! But it would be an awful shame if you went elsewhere....You have a lot to offer and it seems we have a lot of new people that can benefit from your experience.... Just a thought!
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
It was not my intent to 'humilate' anyone. Jenn, hun, if you took it that way my apologies. I said "in my most humble OPINION" . There was no 'judgement' in my response.
When I was given the desire to stop drinking I thought I could 'google' my way into sobriety. I thought coming here, to MIP, was as good as. Phil, GammyRose and few others kept telling me to take my ass to a meeting. I didn't listen. I lapsed and relapsed . My intent was to save her, or someone else, the pain and heartache I've had to go thru because I refused to listen. If I helped anyone at all with my response, then a little BS is worth it.
We're not talking about a case of the chicken pox here. We're dealing with a life and death disease. Knowledge is power. Honesty, although someone may not want to hear it, might just be the kick in the pants they (and by they I mean anyone) need to get honest with themselves. I know I did, and still do a lot of days.
For the record, I'd say the same thing at F2F meeting, and you would be more than welcome to respond, but only to the issue at hand, not my response. My sponsor agrees and so does her sponsor.
I stand by what I said!
-- Edited by Doll at 16:35, 2008-05-29
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
If you have ever read AA's Big Book, everything in that response goes against what we try to practice. One thing we all need to remember, people, is we do not have an audience of a dozen people here. . There are potentially thousands who might read this thread and think less of AA because of it.
I take that very personally. This program has saved my life and I don't want someone who is out of line to chase anyone away who needs help.
What "Doll" said could have been done via private message, been just as effective and saved all this drama. The fact it was done publicly suggests there are other motives at work.....perhaps it is time for all of us to revisit the fourth step.
I'm doing this publicly so she knows how it feels. Not too cool, huh Doll? I'm not against confrontation, not at all. But do it in private.
I've yet to hear any of the listed administrators/moderators weigh in on this. If this sort of behavior is going to be tolerated on this board, then you need to take down that Alcoholics Anonymous banner.
"If this sort of behavior is going to be tolerated on this board, then you need to take down that Alcoholics Anonymous banner.
'Cause this ain't AA."
The widely accepted deffinition of an "AA meeting" is when 2 or more members get together to discuss their common problem with alcohol. I've been to several thousand meetings in 15-20 states and about as many countries. "The group conscience" varies, as to what can be said in meetings. I think you should consider that we are striving for "progress not perfection" here. Larry I understand your point about the view point of the web and it's well taken.
Here's a lilttle opinion of mine. About 5% of those that get exposed to AA get sober for more than 5 years. In my experience, both personal and observed, the individuals that get and stay sober long term couldn't be made to leave the program for any reason. These people would stay in meetings if the buiding was on fire. It's easy to get your feelings hurt over general principals and most of us made a drinking carrer on just that. Once I concluded that theory, I stopped worrying about the newcomer. If they want it badly enough, it's here for them. No amount of sugar coating, walking on eggshells and the like is going to get someone sober, nor the lack of send them out the door. I can't make you get sober, and I can't get you drunk either.
Another thing, AA is a lot "easier and softer" than it was in the beginning or decade over decade. Getting sober in the '80's (and moving to FL) put me in rooms with dozens that had been sober since the '30's and 40's and many had met our founders. "Kansas City Bob" is one of our local guys with 60 something years. His group in KC in the 40's made you fill out a form with your name/address/phone/place of work/bar that you drank at.... and if you missed a meeting they went looking for you, including pulling you off the barstool.
I took a lot of crap from "oldtimers" in meetings and almost left several times. I seriously questioned their motives. But I learned later that the AA group, where they got sober "told it like it was" and if you didn't like it, they'd tell you to "go do some more research". Now a days, that's considered harsh, but the oldtimers understood what I was saying, you can't make a person that is determined to get sober leave.
I'm doing this publicly so she knows how it feels. Not too cool, huh Doll?
(((Larry)))
I have cheated on my husband & got caught in the throws, stolen from my family, puked on myself (and someone else), pissed my pants in public and came to in some real shit holes. It'll take a lot more than this to 'humiliate' me.
I do, however, believe that I have been humbled by all of this, though. I thank you for that.
Love and tolerance is our code.
~Jen
-- Edited by Doll at 19:12, 2008-05-29
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I've been reading it to to my boyfriend over the phone and he helps me understand what I'm reading by making me repeat some of a passage and how that applies to me. I also made the 'resentment' list-- which is actually listed in the eighth step if I'm not mistaken-- but we both thought it would be a good idea if I did it now. I had actually already made a list before, but I did it more the 'book' way this time and even added more people to the list. But what surprised in me some of the people who I write down was that the amount of things they did to harm me in fact matched up or even were less than the amount of things I did to harm the other person. Out of the whole list, there were only two (groups) of people on the list who hurt me that I did nothing to them, which were the group of people who had harrassed me in middle school and a few girls who I worked with at my old job who treated me like total shit. But the list definitely brought some realization to me as did that book, which no longer do I feel like I'm forced to read it but I actually WANT to read it. 
And thanks for the welcome! :)
