I thought with all the new people here lately I would tell my story, I've heard it said if you hang around AA you'll hear your own story in someone else .
A bit of back ground I grew up with a controling parent who is the daughter of an alcoholic. I was akward and uncoordinated, I was the kid picked last for every team and consantly picked on throughout grade school and junior high. So when as a college freshmen an older friend took me out for my first drunk I thought WOW!!! this is what I've been looking for all my life. I thought I'd found the answer to my fractured self esteem. Soon after I met my ex wife who was also the daughter of an alcoholic and looking to find her happiness and self esteem in a man, namely me. We had some good times but all in all I'd say that throughout our marriage we were both looking for something, me in booze and in her, and her in me and in career moves that we should have been searching for in ourselves.
The next 14 years we had two children and my drinking continued to escalate. I knew I was addicted to some degree for a long time but I could skip a night or two without drinking and only get pass out drunk a couple of times a week. Alcoholics drink every night that couldn't be me.
The cycle went , she would ignore me I would drink more, big fight , I would quit or slow the drinking for a time, focus on her compulsively and she would pay more attention to me, reapeat. sometimnes the cycle took years to go through but it was always the same.
Six and a half years ago she found someone else and left me. I was crushed at first I quit drinking and begged her to stay but she left anyway and like a house of cards my carefully constructed self esteem came crashing down.
I no longer doubted my alcoholism, I got drunk as often as i could I barely kept a job and a roof over my head lost my car at one point borrowed money and allientated friends and family. I drank to escape the pain I drank to forget, but the more I drank and the longer this went on the more miserable I became.
It was the end of 2006 dec 30th I think i'd had an absessed tooth a sinus infection feverish ,sick,and so depressed I didn't care if I lived or died and still drinking every night. I came to work that morning sick and dizzy feeling and well I fainted right on the factory floor. I was sent home and as I got to feeling a bit better I decided that I wanted to live. Late january I quit smoking 2 1/2 packs a day. I can't say I felt physically alot better I was still drinking heavily but the boost to my self esteem was considerable, and it lead to what I knew all along I needed to do, quit drinking.
March 24th 2007 I woke up in my car with no memory of the night before and no idea at all how i had managed to drive home. That was it I had reached what the big book calls the jumping off point I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol but I couldn't imagine continuing to live like this. i went inside and poured the remaining beers in my fridge down the sink. I sat down looked up the AA.org and took the "Is AA for you test". It confirmed what I already knew that i am an alcoholic.
The next evening shaking life a leaf from fear and withdrawl i walked in the door to the local alano club. It was a small meeting 6 or 8 people and when it came my turn to share I got the words out "my name is bryan and i'm an alcoholic " before bursting into tears. I told them tht everyone of them had told a bit my own story and I never dreamed there were people out there who could understand me so well.
The next day I woke up and felt as if I a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I won't llie to you newcomers it hasn't all been easy by a long shot but I knew I had been reborn into a new sober life.
Thanks For Reading God Bless
Bryan
-- Edited by Bryan39 at 12:41, 2008-05-23
__________________
Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Thanks for sharing Bryan Sounds like you come a long why and Im glad youre here!! Just more proof that we dont have to live that miserable life anymore! Im happy you found AA and MIP....Great getting to know you!!!!!
Yes, you re special my friend!!!! Thanks for all the great E,S &H!!!!!!! Lani
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
that hits close to home, as I really didn't get serious about getting sober until my marriage was over. I'm glad you made it, and thanks for telling your story. It brought a tear thinking about the loneliness you must have felt Being sober a while and married again, it's easy to forget. And I could be right back at to that point of losing all over drinking. What a tragic waste.
Went to a lead meeting tonight and discovered a strange thing.... The man that shared has a very successful career, wife, kids and basically never "lost" anything or got in trouble. He was a home drinker, on the sly, but his wife and family knew.
Came to AA because his wife gave him an ultimatum basically...So joined AA and sober 5 years!
My husband and I always hit the friday night meeting after a dinner together and we were commenting on how nice it would be to have his problem!!!!
Realized that it was a great share for those who are "high bottom" drunks. Most of us think you have to get in trouble etc to really think about not drinking! A shining example of how we are all different but the same......
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Hey Bryan, congrats on 1 year! That's a great accomplishment. It took me 3 years to get one year. I cried like a baby. It seemed like the only thing I'd ever accomplished at that point, I had quit or failed everything.
