He said that it's usually best to have a girl sponsor a girl and a guy sponsor a guy because they'll be more on the person's mind than just getting them better (sober) but it is allowed. He also said that it has to be an unbiased person but I don't know who else I'd want to be my sponsor than him as he's a lot to me-- a friend, boyfriend, and big brother all in one. And like I've mentioned on here quite a few times today (lol) I'm planning on going to an AA meeting with him tomorrow and as much as I know I NEED it I'm afraid I'm gonna make up an excuse or something to get out of it as I'm also still kinda hesitant and anxious. So let's all hope that I'll get my lazy ass to a meeting tomorrow Night all :)
Can Your Sponsor Be Your Boyfriend? ___________________________________________________________________________
NO!!! #1 don't worry you don't need to find a sponsor right away, and your boyfriend is right it should be a woman. Go to alot of meetings, different ones if thats an option show up early talk to people you'll find someone soon enough trust me. Good luck and let us know how your first meeting goes
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
When working the program of A.A. or any other proram it is wise to stay with the same sex.
Men will pat your A-- and Women will save your A--. A woman with 28 years Sobriety shared it with us in our Womens meeting. Try these few things, Stick with the women, 90 meetings in 90 days or more. sponsorship and the 12steps. Step one is on page xxiii, please start with your Sponsor, a temporary sponsor but please make it a Woman.
I know we Alcoholic women have a hard time with each other. That has to be smashed if you want this to work and you want your Sobriety. Take it "One Day at a Time," you don't have to develope a deep frienship with your Sponsor although it is nice.
Each meeting room has or should have a leaflet that talks about Sponsorship in it. It has the 12-steps information, if you want it, we got it!
Jsut don't take a drink!
The Big Blue Book ( Alcoholics Anonymous ) that everyone in the program will tell you about you must get it as soon as possible.
The first 164 pages have the most important information in them you are always going to need. The remaining pages are full of stories that keep you reading, they are funny too.
Personally, I didn't even start reading any of the Big Book without my first Sponsor and that was 14 years ago.
there is nothing in the big book that says that it can't be. But, If he's already you'r boyfriend, bestfriend, and big brother, don't you think that he's got enought to do already?
Besides, if he's your sponsor, then pretty soon you'll figure why bother going to the meetings. See I'm way ahead of you.
Don't do it. Find a good woman sponsor. It is high time, when we reach AA, that us women start to listen to other, healthier women than ourselves. Itis time to break down the barriers and get help from those who can help us best, other women.
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Doll is exactly right (and pretty much that's what I was eluding too). When (not if) you and your boyfriend get in an argument, what's going to stop you from rebelling against him, by drinking? The urge to drink over relationship problems probably ranks the highest. That's why it's suggested that newcomers stay out of relationships for the first year (you're already in one so you fall under the "don't make any drastic changes or decisions" and get a pass as long as you're staying sober). As it is you will need to work extra hard, to keep the focus on yourself, in order to "work the program".
First things first...Get to a meeting. Listen to what people have to say, take a little time to see what others have to offer and then worry about getting a sponsor. Right now, all's you have to do is not drink, go to meetings... I too jumped the gun and worried about getting a sponsor, working the steps and what if.... For today, take it slow, get your butt to the meeting and take it as they say, "one day at a time!!!"
Most importantly... work your own program and let your boyfriend work his. Its all about YOU and no one else!!!!!
If you stop and listen, you'll learn from others that have been where you are, how to live a sober life!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
The thing is I haven't been to one single meeting-- and I know I should go and my boyfriend was planning on taking me, and then (oh I knew it was gonna happen) I just chickened out and said I didn't want to go so he just took me back home. I know I'm never going to get any better if I act this way but I just can't control this anxiety I have about going. I'll tell my boyfriend to give me one of his 'big books' tomorrow (hopefully he won't have already gone to work by then), and yes he has also told me that just reading it by myself won't help as much as being with a group of people and that I probably wouldn't understand it on my own either. I mean I suppose I could always ask him questions but yes I do need some sort of support group to get me through this and to actually start receiving any real help. I am happy that I found this site to talk to others who are going through or have gone through similar experiences but I also need to find the strength to get the help I need as a lot of you already know about that and have fully recovered. I know there has to be hope out there, I just hope that I'll find it soon
We have another new person (Yak) Jo who is also reluctant to go to her first AA meeting. Perhaps the two of you could talk about what's keeping you from going.
