I like to talk about the things I have some experience with, and after struggling with this disease for 28 years this is one of them....
Invariably someone, somewhere, sometime will offer us a drink. A polite "no thanks" is usually followed by "You don't drink? Why not?"
Early in sobriety this question used to make me very uncomfortable. I suppose the raw, honest answer would be "I'm an alcoholic". And, I have used that at times. But usually I don't feel like disclosing something like that (which really isn't anyone's business) in front of a crowd of people I may not know.
It doesn't make me uncomfortable any more. I have come up with a couple of replies over the years which work for me:
1) "Because I drank enough in the first 30 years of my life to last me forever". (I get some interesting looks on that one)
2) "It makes me kind of sick. I might be allergic to it or something". (This one can be kind of fun. Lead them down that road as far as you want.)
3) One time I was at a party where the dufus hosting it knew I was an alcoholic. The jerk offered me a drink on purpose, and when I declined he loudly asked "Why don't you drink?" I said, "I dunno....why DO you drink?" He answered something to the effect of "'Cause I like gettin' smashed man!!"
I paused and said, "hmmm. Might want to keep an eye on that." And just walked away. People laughed.
I don't think I've ever been in a situation where "no thanks" wasn't enough! But, if I ever am, depending on who they are it will either be "I'm a recovering alcoholic" OR "Can't! Dr's Orders (Dr. Bob that is )
:)
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
"I gave it and smoking up 18 years ago to save for my retirement, which is coming along nicely"
"I promised the judge"
"After a couple I don't play nicely with others"
usually if they ask, I just tell them "it was time" and they get it. It's not like 20 years ago, people don't sterotype generally. Plus the negative health atributes are well known these days and for the most part, people are trying to be healthier now, so it's admirable not to drink. Most people say "good for you" or "good job" and mean it.
No matter what, people are going to react to the way that you present yourself. If you're comfortable with your sobriety (and you will be over time) then you'll be glad to smile and kindly tell them that it's just something that you can't do anymore, but it's ok. They will graciously accept it. On the other hand, if you're remorseful or feel shameful about it, then it's going to be difficult for them to respond making it uncomfortable for both of you. A light hearted response is best.
"it was time" If you're comfortable with your sobriety (and you will be over time) then you'll be glad to smile and kindly tell them that it's just something that you can't do anymore, but it's ok. They will graciously accept it. On the other hand, if you're remorseful or feel shameful about it, then it's going to be difficult for them to respond making it uncomfortable for both of you.
I would echo Deans comments. I have used "Dr's orders and also a firm "I just don't"
Good topic larry I might use this one next time "Because I drank enough in the first 30 years of my life to last me forever"
Bryan
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
How about " I retired from drinking after winning my 5th world title at it fully beaten". I've used it a few times and enjoy the reactions. In a way its like an IQ test - those that get it are sharp, those that don't ...well. Haven't had any wize-ass responses yet , but then I'm 6ft3 and 245 @ 12% bodyfat ! Jokes aside , I usually just say because I liked drinking way too much which is not only true but also seems to be understood most times.
Would you believe that after almost 7 months (tomorrow!!!), I havent been in a situation where I had to tell why I dont drink.......So, thanks for the heads up! At this point I try to avoid any situation where I have to worry about it! Character defect shining through.....Avoidance!!!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Would you believe that after almost 7 months (tomorrow!!!), I havent been in a situation where I had to tell why I dont drink.......So, thanks for the heads up! At this point I try to avoid any situation where I have to worry about it! Character defect shining through.....Avoidance!!!!!!
Hey lani--Sometimes those defects of character can be positive attributes too. A friend of mine just came back from Vegas where he had a slip after nine months of sobriety. When he was making his plans I'm thinking "hmmm, Vegas...party town. I think I would be avoiding that place if it were me."
On the other hand, our gifts can be a negative too if we let them. Like intelligence, for example. When I spend too much time thinking and not enough time acting, I'm in trouble!!
Take care
BTW, early congrats on seven months.
Do we have an e-medallion we can give lani tomorrow?
Thanks MNStar.... Is that Midnight star like the old funk song!!!
I cant imagine going to Vegas myself!!! OOOHHH noooooo! Too tempting! Going to a meeting, gotta run!!!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I think that your comment "why DO you drink?" is probably the best that I have ever encountered. I have to say that I would not expect an intelligent answer from anyone who has a drinking problem themselves (and these are 99% of those who would ask the question "Why don't you drink?" People who don't have their own problem with alcohol are not likely to even notice that you opt for non-alcoholic beverages in any situation.)
Thanks MNStar.... Is that Midnight star like the old funk song!!!
I cant imagine going to Vegas myself!!! OOOHHH noooooo! Too tempting! Going to a meeting, gotta run!!!!!!
Hey lani--mnstar is a username from another forum, for RV people. It stands for Minnesota Starcraft. Starcraft is the brand of our camper.
Just got back from some 12 step work, me and two of my AA buddies put on a meeting at a local treatment center. Lots of "kids". Good stuff tonight though.
I admire your work with the "kids" Am almost thinking of getting more involved in some of that myself. They have a great "house" here for kids that is run by a very cool guy! Told him early on that Id be willing to volunteer some time once I had a little "time" Guess that TIME has come! Thanks for the reminder!!!! Keep on campin!!! Were tent people ourselves!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
